Ever have someone ask to be friend?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  October 5,2009, 12:06pm
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One of my office-mates had something weird happen to her this weekend - but we're wondering how weird it really is...so let's hear your thoughts.

She's been going to a restaurant regularly for a while and one of the employees there (also female) who she's seen a few times chatted with her a bit and then suddenly suggested that my friend give her contact info (email address) so they "can hang out".

Have you ever have someone just come out and ask to be friends with you? What would you think if this happened to you?
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #2  October 5,2009, 12:39pm

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Sure, I've had someone just come out and ask to be friends ,

Remember when we were all playing in sandboxes and hanging from jungle gyms. Isn't this how becoming friends with someone started in the first place. You walked up with your shovel and crusty sleeve, then asked the other crusty sleeve kid.. hey will you be my friend?

I don't think it's weird! no different then walking up to a complete stranger and asking them for a date!

Not saying the friends thing will happen with just anyone, if it's someone I see often and interact with, I would consider it.
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; October 5,2009 at 12:47pm.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #3  October 5,2009, 2:10pm
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Have you ever have someone just come out and ask to be friends with you? What would you think if this happened to you?

I only get asked this after a breakup.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #4  October 5,2009, 6:16pm
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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
Sure, I've had someone just come out and ask to be friends ,

Remember when we were all playing in sandboxes and hanging from jungle gyms. Isn't this how becoming friends with someone started in the first place. You walked up with your shovel and crusty sleeve, then asked the other crusty sleeve kid.. hey will you be my friend?

I don't think it's weird! no different then walking up to a complete stranger and asking them for a date!

Not saying the friends thing will happen with just anyone, if it's someone I see often and interact with, I would consider it.
Yeah, I don't see anything weird about it at all! Wouldn't it be nice if things were as simple as when we were innocent children?
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #5  October 5,2009, 6:50pm
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Isn't that what we do here?

I don't think that is so unusual if they are on friendly terms. I would usually preface it with an activity suggestion like a movie, shopping, etc.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #6  October 5,2009, 11:35pm
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
She's been going to a restaurant regularly for a while and one of the employees there (also female) who she's seen a few times chatted with her a bit and then suddenly suggested that my friend give her contact info (email address) so they "can hang out".
Sounds like the movie, "I Love You Man!" -- with a gender swap. Very funny movie!
Last edited by lacedwithhope; October 5,2009 at 11:36pm. Reason: Hey, who put that magnifying glass next to my comment!?
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #7  October 6,2009, 7:36am
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I went to happy hour one night, with my office mates.

Me, I got there early. I'm not a hard worker, see.

I get there, order a drink, and I see this other guy standing around, drinking his drink.

He's alone. I'm alone. I said something like, "You waiting on a happy hour, too?"

He said, "Yeah, I like to get here early and get warmed up."

"Me, too. And if nobody else shows up, it's a happy hour of ONE!"

"Prost!"

He and I wound up being pretty good friends.

Nothing wrong with that at all.


- Saul
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  October 6,2009, 12:31pm
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Abruptly asking for email just so we could "hang out", when you're not already friends, seems a little odd to me, kind of overly personal, and I'd be surprised. But if we'd been talking art and she said "hey there's this gallery opening coming up I want to go to, do you want to go?" and then asked for email so we could organize getting together ... that would be different. Can always use another friend!

So it's a little gauche. If I liked her and wasn't getting any negative vibes I might give the email. You can always block people later.
 
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neoleopard is offline neoleopard Post #9  October 11,2009, 4:07pm
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IMHO reaching out to someone and asking for friendship shows confidence, and decent social skills if done with respect to boundaries. How else would you let someone know your interested in developing a friendship?! Doesn't seem weird to me at all.
I am presently working 2 jobs to support a broken marriage, my spouse suffered a serious w/c injury and had to have fusion surgery.Working so much I have no social life and I am trying to build a network of girlfriends now in a similar way. He decided he wants a divorce in the middle of his recovery and already has a new girlfriend who he is intimate with after knowing only a few weeks....No money ...sticking me with all the responsibility... I have to deal with the legal/financial issues of the house we have together....So reaching out for friendship really resonates with me at this point in time.
More about me: Its incredibly hard to stay strong and I feel if I don't start talking to and finding a support net of friends to have fun (when I am not working) I will go crazy!
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #10  October 11,2009, 5:52pm
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Perhaps it's a generational thing?

For me, it takes time to develop a friendship. I have to know the person well enough to decide we could be friends; anything before that stage is an acquaintance, not a friend. Whereas now I see "friending" as a verb, and a friend is anyone you know at all, including people you may have only the most tenuous of connections with. I think it dilutes the idea of friendship.

For much the same reason, I can't see dating someone you haven't got to know well first. I have to have a sense of compatibility first, and then I'll be willing to attempt to deepen the relationship.
 
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