Welcome and Tips for eHarmony Advice Newbies!

Welcome to the eHarmony Advice Community!


If you are here it is likely because you are in need of support and / or advice in dating or relationships. Here you will find many helpful, thoughtful and insightful Community Members who are happy to lend you an ear, some support or advice from the benefit of their own experience.


Before you get started, here are some tips for getting along when communicating with other Members and getting the most out of this Community.

One thing to always keep in mind is that all posts and messages sent via our system are subject to our Community Standards, which are located here: http://advice.eharmony.com/community_guidelines.html.
Please make sure that all of your own posts adhere to the Community Standards as well.



1. "Lurk" (or read) for a while before posting. That will give you a feel for how people interact here before you jump in. Our site is rather large so be sure to explore the Off-Topic forums as well as the Groups, where Members gather to discuss similar interests.


2. Our primary goal at eHarmony Advice are to provide advice, feedback and support to each other in the area of dating and relationships. Therefore, when you post, ask yourself "does my comment add to or detract from the value of this discussion?" If you post is going to detract, you may want to reconsider your wording or even whether or not you should post on that particular thread.




3. When posting, avoid generalizations like, "All men do ____", "Women are all ______". These tend to put people who would otherwise be happy to welcome and help you on the defensive, and topics with that tone almost always get heated. For more information about why generalizations are a bad idea, check out this article:
http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=2413



4. Take some time to fill out your eHarmony Advice profile (interests, hobbies, favorite music/movie/tv/books/quotes) and either upload a profile photo or choose one from our Gallery which best represents you. This helps other Community Members get to know you better and makes making friends here easier. However, don't get too personal (address, where you work, etc.); remember this is the internet and all information posted on the boards and in profile is viewable by anyone online.

Also, be sure to get to know someone one the boards a bit before sending them a friend request. It's a little strange getting a request for friendship from someone you've never spoken to!



5. Opinions are just that -- an opinion. There are really no "absolutes" when it comes to dating/realtionships so don't present your opinion as the end-all, be-all point of view. That will help keep your discussions with other Community Members smooth, productive and pleasant.



6. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Don't assume that if someone challenges your opinions or ideas they are making some sort of a statement about you as a person. Similarly, when you disagree with someone, be sure to debate the issue, NOT the person.



7. If someone does attack you, Report, don't respond. Click the "report violation" link and let us know. Although we don't reply to every report we get we do look into every single one of them, and take action as approriate. If you do feel compelled to respond, BE POLITE in your response, do not escalate the disagreement. There is a lot to be said for taking the higher road and your ability to do so will win you the respect of fellow Community Members.


Another thing to keep in mind here is to carefully consider whether someone is merely disagreeing with you or trulyattacking you as a person. There is a difference. The former is acceptable, while the latter is a violation of our Community Standards.


As an example:
The OP (or "original poster", the person who starts a thread) says something like:
"The new Birkin bags are GORGEOUS...I'm going to have to start saving for mine. I mean, who needs food when there's fashion?"


Opinion:
-I can understand why someone might want to own a Birkin bag, they're beautiful purses and very well made. But I can't justify spending thousands of dollars on a bag.


Personal attack:
-Are you serious??? What kind of person would sacrifice on basic living expenses for a purse? There must be something wrong with you if those are your priorities. You probably need professional help.

See the difference?



8. Be clear in your purpose for each new thread you post. Are you just looking to vent/get sympathy? Do you want advice? Don't be afraid to say so, either way. And understand that if you are seeking advice, you may receive some suggestions which you don't agree with. It does not mean that anyone's putting you down, they just have a different opinion. Either ignore such posts or politely acknowlege them - but don't be rude and make people regret trying to help you.



9. Re-read your posts before you hit "Submit". If your post comes across as angry, take a moment and rethink it. Creating needless drama does neither you nor your fellow Community Members any good.



10. Please stay on topic. Conversations do have a tendency to meander and evolve and that is natural. However, sometimes a new thread or PM (Private Message) is more appropriate than continuing a sideline discussion in a thread. If a thread generates discussion on another topic, you can create another, new thread to discuss the new topic, or take it offline by PMming the other Member. Remember that Community Standards still apply to all PM communication.



If you employ these tips you should have a smooth ride in this Community and enjoy your time here very much. We have an incredibly thoughtful, intelligent, spirited and fun Community and we are very happy to have you join us! If you have any questions or need assistance during your time here please reach out to me via private message (accessible through your profile).


Welcome to eHarmony Advice!


Best regards,
-Lori
eHarmony Community Manager