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a789 a789 is offline
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I have a son who got sick at the age of 3 with a condition called Rasmussen syndrome he was my first born being a young mother i think it made it harder because I believed everything the doctors said but as we all must know by know that's not always true anyways my husband used to say we should put him in a home we had just started are first business and bout our second home so we where not ready for the financial cost of course I did not but it did create a bridge between me and my husband he would complain about everything. all the time I spend in the hospital. all the times I left our bed to care for my son. even when I had my mother son I left the hospital to drop off my new born off so I could go with my older son to UCLA ICU my husband was jealous of him well my god had other plans the doctors said my son would only live three years that was 25 years ago and as for my husband he died November 16 1996 about dating I am just going to start after almost 12 years of being alone but my thought is my son comes first and if any one comes in my life and share my blessing then they could just hid the road
- July 16th, 2008, 02:16 am
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dmc80809 dmc80809 is offline
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a789:

I am amazed at how you've been tested...and your strength. I think all of us here can attest to the stress an illness/severe disability can do to a marriage...so many times, at the end of the day, there is nothing left to give.

Its tough to find the balance between our children and our own needs/desires...I just re-entered the dating world and its quite awkward for me, because my children do come first, but I also would like to carve out something for myself.

My hope for this group is that we can help and support each other to find the balance in our lives...to find the person that can accept, embrace and celebrate our families.

I can not tell you how happy I am that your son is present with you-defying all the doctors told you...he is a blessing and miracle.

- July 17th, 2008, 12:30 am
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seasidegardens seasidegardens is offline
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Amen, dmc. Welcome a789. Your post was so thought-provoking


I've had lots of time to think about all this, and I can't truly say that having a child with autism ruined my marriage; my ex's self-centeredness, jealousy, and emotional immaturity ruined our marriage. (I had a role too, of course, but where our disabled child is concernedit was all him)


The silver lining is that my daughter has helped me define my requirements for Mr. Right-for-Me and raised the bar; selfish, judgemental, immaturemen need not apply!


Like you, dmc, I acknowledge my desire for a relationship. The corollary to that is knowing the wrong man will just turn my world upside down and I don't need any more work. He'll come along!
- July 21st, 2008, 06:13 am
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dmc80809 dmc80809 is offline
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Seaside, I just love the way you think and articulate...and you are right, it's notthe autism that ruins the marriage-its how 2 people pull together (or apart) during a crisis...when the rubber hits the road.


I also pay attention to how my son reacts to people...I feel like he has a sixth sense, so to speak. Our kids can hone in our people's energies...and motives.





- July 23rd, 2008, 05:14 pm
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we ARE the blessed ones a789.....


I'm off for a week-ROADTRIP!!-so I'll check in with you folks when I return. Have a great week.
- July 26th, 2008, 05:16 am
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dmc80809 dmc80809 is offline
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seasidegardens wrote :

we ARE the blessed ones a789.....


I'm off for a week-ROADTRIP!!-so I'll check in with you folks when I return. Have a great week.
Have a great vacation...look forward to hearing all about it!
- July 28th, 2008, 10:22 pm
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JonBoy JonBoy is offline
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Yes it can be a challenge and takes a diffrent type of person. That person to me is a very God oriented person for so many many reasons.

(Matthew 19:26) "...Looking them in the face, Jesus said to them: "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.""

A very well blended step family is possible where your mate will love and help share the upbringing of them and if they do we should cherish and love them back tenfold!

- December 20th, 2008, 11:36 pm
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CharmedNurse1963 CharmedNurse1963 is offline
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Amen a789!!!!
For me, it's been a year, and my ex is still blaming my son... not 5 minutes ago he told me that if not for (son) we would still be together. He even told the psychologist that it was (son's) fault. Seriously, a 13 yr old does not have that type of power!
- July 15th, 2009, 01:22 pm
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Sadly, statistically, 80% of marriages fail when a severe special needs child is in the home...

It will either pull you together or apart..
- July 15th, 2009, 10:42 pm
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srb1968 srb1968 is offline
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I guess in one way I'm lucky in that it wasn't our childred who drove us apart. I'm also very glad for god's blessing that I'm because of my ex's work situation, I'm the primary carer of my two girls. She would argue that she was the one that made the sacrifice for them in taking on a part time job at the airport for so many year while I work full time at University. But consider our situation now, I'm still holding down a full time job, her access time is picking them up from school and looking after them until I get off work. Ohh, why did we split up, she wanted a physical relationship with another man who is in an open marriage and was trying to convince me that why couldn't it be that when she is with him she is with him and when she is with me, she is with me. (Am I making sense?)
- July 18th, 2009, 05:25 am
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