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dmc80809 dmc80809 is offline
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I've just dating again aftermy divorce 4 years ago...I've been corresponding and talking on the phone a bit...had a few dates...and I am struggling with when do you tell them about your child's special needs? I have not been saying anything right away-guess I am trying to see if anything develops after the first meeting (which it hasn't on my side), and I also feel that information about my children is pretty private and not something to discuss immediately.


Any experience with telling before or onthe first date vs. on the second or 3rd date?


- June 25th, 2008, 04:49 pm
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seasidegardens seasidegardens is offline
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Excellent question.


I always wonder too...but typically I don't put it in my "About Me" page. I do reveal that I have children because that is most definitely part of who I am....usually my daughter's autism comes up in the course of open communication as we start to become more curious about each other. I guess I like it out there early on.


I've had one gentleman leave our conversations permanently because of my daughter's autism-which is perfectly fine-and I was glad to have it resolved early.


Similarly, I also do not attempt to communicate with men who's profiles list such things as frequent or extensive travel or total spontanaiety as desirable. I love to see new places and certainly take vacations but 'frequent' and 'extensive' and 'total spontaneity' are not realistic for me. What do you think about this...am I assumng too much when I decide ahead of time which man won't blend onto our little family unit?
- June 26th, 2008, 05:36 am
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dmc80809 dmc80809 is offline
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Sea...love your points...I stay away from matches that desire extensive travel as well.

Many of my dates and early communications are not too open to the autism idea...its going to take that special man...sigh!
- July 17th, 2008, 12:39 am
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I could tell you all that I have NO IDEA when is or isn't the right time.


I was a single mother when she was born. I've had relationships and did marry for awhile and here I am again as a single parent. For me personally I'm very up front about my daughter. I guess I don't really want to wait it outto see howsomeone will respond.


Having walked this path as long as I have I really cannot blame anyone if they see it as something they don't want to do. God knows that had I been given the choice I wouldn't have held my hand up in the air going, "ME, ME, PICK ME!!!"( LOL, well, who knows, maybe in some sorta cosmic crazy way I did!)


I know that it is a tough one. What I have found is that while it is wonderful having someoneto be romantically involved with...the greatest gift that I have been given is my girlfriends...they are the women that make my life wonderful...with or without a fella
- August 4th, 2008, 10:33 am
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Ok, I just had a wonderful 1st date last Thursday...I told him about my son...while it was not the main focus of our 3 hour dinner, he did ask a few questions,,,he has been emailing me, almost daily,but has not asked me out for a second date...


I'll keep everyone posted...





Dana
- August 4th, 2008, 10:57 pm
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Atlantagal1950 Atlantagal1950 is offline
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I have an adult daughter born with Spina Bifida. She still lives with me. I have her listed under the "Person who has been the biggest influence in my life" part of my profile. When I have been on other sites, I always put the information down in my profile. I have always said that I would rather not start communication with and meet someone who I might really like and have it be a deal breaker for them. If they are going to have a problem with it, I would rather have them never start communication with me. I have had men who obviously didn't read my profile completely stop communication when they found out.
- August 9th, 2008, 09:43 am
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Hi, Atlantagal...glad to see you here!

How is your daughter doing? I think its great you have her listed on the biggest influence on your life, because, there is no doubt that our children are.

Please stop by often...we don't have to limit the discussion to just dating...

BTW, I'm still emailing with my date-send me an email every night...still no mention of second date...hmmmmm....

- August 9th, 2008, 04:57 pm
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Atlantagal1950 Atlantagal1950 is offline
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dmc80809 wrote :

Hi, Atlantagal...glad to see you here! How is your daughter doing? I think its great you have her listed on the biggest influence on your life, because, there is no doubt that our children are. Please stop by often...we don't have to limit the discussion to just dating... BTW, I'm still emailing with my date-send me an email every night...still no mention of second date...hmmmmm....
Thanks for the welcome. My daughter is great! I am glad to hear that you are still emailing with your date. A good sign that he didn't run as soon as he found out. Maybe the second date will come soon.
- August 9th, 2008, 08:42 pm
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dmc80809 dmc80809 is offline
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Atlantagal1950 wrote :
dmc80809 wrote :

Hi, Atlantagal...glad to see you here! How is your daughter doing? I think its great you have her listed on the biggest influence on your life, because, there is no doubt that our children are. Please stop by often...we don't have to limit the discussion to just dating... BTW, I'm still emailing with my date-send me an email every night...still no mention of second date...hmmmmm....
Thanks for the welcome.* My daughter is great!* I am glad to hear that you are still emailing with your date.* A good sign that he didn't run as soon as he found out.* Maybe the second date will come soon.
Second date tomorrow night...honestly, I sense he is a little uncomfortable with my situation...but, I would expect that...we see how it goes tomorrow.
- August 13th, 2008, 09:29 pm
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For me, because my child with a disability is such an integral part of who I am and how I live my life, I usually remark that I have 3 children, one with special needs. If they stick around after that statement, then I have sense of their degree of integrity/interest in raising a family. I would say this comes either in the final question segment or in open communication. For me, it has been an excellent barometer of my potential match's. I have been pleasantly surprised how many men are up to the challenge, and the one's that aren't, well. . . they are missing out on a loving relationship.


Best Wishes.
- August 17th, 2008, 04:41 pm
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