Welcome!

Hi!
I just found this group (after posting about my date that blew me off).
Anyway, I have a 17 year old son with autism (pdd-nos), ADD and dyslexia. He also has a very low "iq", executive functioning disoder and I love him to bits but he is like a giant teddy bear. He is also going in for another assessment as they think he may have psychiatric problems. I also have a 12 year old without any learning challenges (who is actually gifted) and lost another child to luekemia (rather not talk about that).

Although I am American, I moved here from abroad (my marriage was an intercultural/interracial one with a Dutch man) however my oldest son was from a prior relationship. His birth father couldn't handle him and my ex husband was even worse (and I tried to stick it out with him for years but at a certain point, my oldest thought his name was idiot and when he was five years old, I will never forget him asking me how to spell idiot because that was his first name).

We moved back to the US in October and I don't have a lot of friends here. Part of me chose to live here specifically because my relatives constantly wonder how I could have had a child like this when I am "so bright". They mean well but they are constantly offering suggestions as to how he ended up that way (as if it will make a difference).

There are times I just want to get out of the house and zone him out but I know that's not possible. Sometimes I think I am losing my mind listening to him speak (he can go on for HOURS on end about one topic and not notice that you're passed out) and then other times, I feel so sorry for him because I know he will never be independent. My younger son doesn't like to bring anyone home lest they meet his older brother and dating is pretty difficult. At least he has stopped asking me why he can't have a normal brother. I can't leave him alone for longer than 3 hours at a time and getting a babysitter for a hulking 17 year old is pretty hard. My younger son ends up babysitting.
Since his father wants nothing to do with him, we are literally together 24/7 unless his paternal grandmother has him over (and she can only take 2 week periods max before she calls me begging for me to come and get him because he's "Driving her crazy").

I hope my vent isn't taken the wrong way that I don't love him, I do, but sometimes I just feel so exhausted and feel as if what man will willingly sign up for a relationship with me knowing my son is part of the package. I guess that's why it hurt even more when I had finally (I thought) found someone on eHarmony that would accept him and he ended up blowing me off.