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beatlejuice72 beatlejuice72 is offline
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There is no denying that most of us want to find someone who is physically attractive. We are all attracted to different people physically, but the first thing we do is make eye contact with a man or woman. Even before we hear them speak this is a starting point. I've been there. We've all been there. But haven't there been times in your life when you thought someone looked so good, but then they started to talk and you got to know them and suddenly they didn't look so good anymore?

I'm not going to lie. I'm looking for someone who has the complete package. I have high standards and I want someone who has class, integrity, wit and wisdom in addition to looking nice. I'm not picking a friend with benefits. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a soulmate to spend the next 40-50 years of my life with. We aren't going to look like we do now 40-50 years from now. How many of us are honestly going to still feel the love and passion for our husband/wife when we're both old and gray? Assuming that we even make it that long as a married couple? Divorces are sadly very common today and I intend to get marriage right the first time. All I know is that I'll be 36 on Monday. If I'm able to make it to 76 or 86 and I can look at my wife 40-50 years from now and we still have the same love and passion for each other that we did when we were young, it'd have been worth it all.
- September 5th, 2008, 12:14 pm
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stillthesame stillthesame is offline
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Certainly, there are quite a few "Gold Diggers" out there looking to land Mr. Sexy with a thick wallet. Most of these women are really trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by obtaining a "Trophy Man" in the same way many men seek out a young, nubile, blonde, buxom "Trohpy Wife", even though she may be a bit dim. Not to say the pretty, wealthy people are all dim or shallow. Just that the people who are trying to better themselves by focusing on the superficial qualities of their potential mate, are the ones who are in fact, shallow.


i have to agree, being a female and single, i have noticed that ever more so these days and it is so TRUE!good looks dont last forever.


i DO think that whatever big or small thing about that person attracts you,but it has to be there.ive been out with some exceptionally good looking men that have absolutely no care for anyone else but themselves they are their biggest fans, and not to mention liars, but there are some not so good looking people men and women who are the same.


i myself are not barbie, or a pamela or a brittany and dont want to be, i think theres more than meets the eye here.its a fact men are very visual.you cant change that, every guy either but ugly or drop dead gorgeous does a double take when a good looking woman passes by.and for some reason they pass up the average jane.someday us average janes will prevail.
- September 5th, 2008, 07:36 pm
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theniceguy theniceguy is offline
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stillthesame wrote :

Certainly, there are quite a few "Gold Diggers" out there looking to land Mr. Sexy with a thick wallet. Most of these women are really trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by obtaining a "Trophy Man" in the same way many men seek out a young, nubile, blonde, buxom "Trohpy Wife", even though she may be a bit dim. Not to say the pretty, wealthy people are all dim or shallow. Just that the people who are trying to better themselves by focusing on the superficial qualities of their potential mate, are the ones who are in fact, shallow.


i have to agree, being a female and single, i have noticed that ever more so these days and it is so TRUE!good looks dont last forever.


i DO think that whatever big or small thing about that person attracts you,but it has to be there.ive been out with some exceptionally good looking men that have absolutely no care for anyone else but themselves they are their biggest fans, and not to mention liars, but there are some not so good looking people men and women who are the same.


i myself are not barbie, or a pamela or a brittany and dont want to be, i think theres more than meets the eye here.its a fact men are very visual.you cant change that, every guy either but ugly or drop dead gorgeous does a double take when a good looking woman passes by.and for some reason they pass up the average jane.someday us average janes will prevail.
Well said


- September 5th, 2008, 08:43 pm
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noseyparker noseyparker is offline
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I have my own assets, am well educated (probably more than most of my matches), so I'm not in search of a meal ticket. I would not be comfortable dating/marrying someone whose finances were a mess. Imagine the jeopardy to my creditworthiness??!!


We all have an idea of what we find attractive. For me, that includes the personality, character in addition to outward appearance. I'm the one who's got to kiss the man, and be intimate with him. There's a limit to how much I can feign attrraction in order not to seem shallow.


And yes, NuttyProfessor, claims of 'shallowness' usually emanate from those who do not meet the criteria of the one who they desire.
- September 6th, 2008, 01:11 am
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noseyparker noseyparker is offline
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karmagirl wrote :

Nope, not everyone. Of course, I don't want to be poor, but I have never thought about one's financial status as a reason to date or not to date someone. I have a comfortable living and do not desire any more money to make my life any happier or full than it is.


If it is what someone else desires though, then who am I to tell them that they shouldn't. I think the problem comes when that is ALL that a person desires. I have a big crush on someone right now that in my past I never would have even looked twice at. He's a bit younger than me, and just a few inches taller than me. He's a little on the heavy side, but he has a heart of gold. He's a blue-collar worker and will probably never be rich, but I can see so many good qualities about him that none of that matters one bit. To be perfectly honest though, if he had come across my Eharmony as a match, I probably would have closed him out. Is that shallow of me? Yep, I think it really is. Trust me, it has made me reconsider what I think is a good match for me. Good thing I know him in real life, huh?
Another example of the downside of online dating. Some people are much better when you know them!


Notwithstanding, I wish EH would send me some real, live, active profiles instead of the daily list of fakes.
- September 6th, 2008, 01:15 am
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Lindajh84 Lindajh84 is offline
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theniceguy wrote :
I hate to say it, but it sounds like you are defending "being shallow". Of course, most folks may not be initially attracted to someone who looks like the Elephant Man and who is "dirt poor" and lives with his mother. But that being said, I think what most people are offended by is the large number of people who put "looks" and "money" above other criterion such as personality, intelligence, etc.


Certainly, there are quite a few "Gold Diggers" out there looking to land Mr. Sexy with a thick wallet. Most of these women are really trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by obtaining a "Trophy Man" in the same way many men seek out a young, nubile, blonde, buxom "Trohpy Wife", even though she may be a bit dim. Not to say the pretty, wealthy people are all dim or shallow. Just that the people who are trying to better themselves by focusing on the superficial qualities of their potential mate, are the ones who are in fact, shallow.
I totally agree with you. To the owner of this thread it does sound like you are trying to justify your reasons as to why you are shallow. How much a person earns shouldnt even matter. Yeah to a certain extent i do believe they need to be a little good looking to be attracted to them but at the end of the day, how they treat you is what makes you fall in love. Its not what they have, or how good looking they are. You need to go deeper than that.
- June 11th, 2009, 11:04 pm
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garden_gal11 garden_gal11 is offline
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Most people are shallow but won't admit it.Every one would want their date to not have massive black cavities or missing front teeth- or is that shallow? That would say that the date either 1) doesn't care enough about self to take care of dental needs or 2) doesn't have insurance or funds to do so. Number 1 would not be someone I care to date - people need to care/love self. Number 2 is in an unfortunate situation and I empathize, but I do not want to be a caretaker because I do care about myself.Shallow?
- June 14th, 2009, 01:15 pm
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I don't believe a person is "wrong" or "bad" for having preferences. Everyone does. I do think that people should look beyond the obvious though. However, I don't believe that my opinion will change that of anyone else who doesn't see that. But I will say, reading these boards brought a lot of clarity why beginning new relationships are so difficult and how much of a game love really is.
- June 15th, 2009, 04:38 pm
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tigerlilyplay6 tigerlilyplay6 is offline
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tigerlilyplay6 Dating is a rollercoaster enjoy the ride

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I believe that preferences are fine. However, shallow to me are individuals without real substance in their lives. I view these as the individuals without a real conversation, no substanstial moral belief system or maturity. These types of individuals generally can't have healthy relationships, rely on their outward appearance, materialism or arrogance to get them where they want to be. These types of individuals normally are the ones who look down only others who have a good heart and are great people but don't fall into their categories. Individuals like this are the ones who normally turn a preference into a prejudice and that prejudice is what makes them shallow.
- July 20th, 2009, 05:36 pm
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Diann1950 Diann1950 is online now
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Shallow or realistic? I was married for nearly 33 years to a man 18 years older. That was my choice, mine was the primary income and career, again my choice. After his death from a long illness, I knew I wanted something different this time. I don't need to be taken care of, and been there done that for someone else. Now I want a partner not a dependent.
- July 20th, 2009, 06:45 pm
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