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meri75 meri75 is offline
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ming_on_mongo wrote :
I've been known to barrack for Barack (Obama, that is)!

Sorry, couldn't resist.....
LOL - very witty!
- November 4th, 2009, 12:53 pm
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :
Ok, but even so, it's just the misuse of offensive. Why would a person be offended if they're not being insulted? Are atheists offended there are people who are religious? If you like Bach are you insulted that I think he's overrated?
Oh, I see. You're saying that the person had his/her nose out of joint, rather than actually being offended, and for lack of another word to use, state 'I'm offended'?

I think the difficulty with this is that if another person says I've offended them, that's all I have to go by sometimes. People who are offended are sometimes either angry or hurt too - I don't care so much about the anger part, but I do care about the hurt bit. I don't like hurting people.
- November 4th, 2009, 12:56 pm
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WeDesignOurLives WeDesignOurLives is offline
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meri75 wrote :
Oh, I see. You're saying that the person had his/her nose out of joint, rather than actually being offended, and for lack of another word to use, state 'I'm offended'?
Right. But I'm also saying that people are more sensitive than ever...they are taking things personally that are just plain not personal. To disagree with their position is to disagree with themselves... their self-worth is tied to people agreeing with them.
- November 10th, 2009, 08:51 pm
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zazoo61 wrote :
I

Interesting thoughts, WeDesign, on belief in God keeping narcissism in check. I'd have to agree - if one is self-absorbed, there's no room nor inclination to serve anyone else.
Wish my narcissistic ex believed this.. guess he never got the memo to self because he thought he was perfect in God's eyes too.
- November 10th, 2009, 09:12 pm
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :

Interesting thoughts, WeDesign, on belief in God keeping narcissism in check. I'd have to agree - if one is self-absorbed, there's no room nor inclination to serve anyone else.

Right. But I'm also saying that people are more sensitive than ever...they are taking things personally that are just plain not personal. To disagree with their position is to disagree with themselves... their self-worth is tied to people agreeing with them.
Oh no! I got behind in reading the narcissist threads!

On the first comment, I don't know if religion necessarily keeps them in check, but I do know someone who in effect "hides behind" their religion. My faith is part of me, but his is more of an affiliation, like someone would be a Phillies fan (ouch...I still am hurting over that one). If the individuals in this church were to "turn on him" or make him change in anyway to admit any wrong doing, he would leave to go look for a group that agreed with him.

About people being sensitive, are you saying people in general? If so, I have to agree, but I think a narcissist is more so like this. What ever comes out of your mouth is an accusation personally directed at them, and twisted around in all sorts of crazy ways.

I notice this in my students, especially low income student with no family support, so sensitive!!! I would tell them it was their choice to be offended by someone. I am blonde, and I am Polish, but do the jokes about dumb blondes and Polish offend me? No, because I do not define myself by the jokes, that's not me. If I am confident it's not me, how can it hurt me?

My father has a less high brow word for the problem...He calls it the U.C., the Urinal Complex. One who suffers from it, thinks the world is lined up to pi$$ on them. It's the victim mentality to the nth degree.

Tracy
- November 10th, 2009, 09:28 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline
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I haven't had time to read all the posts but I am kinda confused. My ex has narcissistic personalty disorder. He wouldn't be offended by anything you say to him. He is perfect, you are flawed therefore you say these things about him. After all if you knew who he was you wouldn't say those things.

He loses his temper a lot but for crazy stuff. We didn't greet him at the door when he got home one night so most of dinner was thrown around. Oh now this one would fit what you were saying, he lost it with an old lady at bingo who criticized his bingo calling abilities.

The thing that scares me the most though is the lies. I have been told he can actually pass a lie detector test because he actually believes he doesn't do anything wrong. He assaulted our older daughter but it was plead to criminal trespassing. He now believes that is all he did. I wonder how his mind reconciles the injuries to his daughter.

Meh, rambling, it is late.
- November 10th, 2009, 10:07 pm
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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WeDesignOurLives wrote :
Right. But I'm also saying that people are more sensitive than ever...they are taking things personally that are just plain not personal. To disagree with their position is to disagree with themselves... their self-worth is tied to people agreeing with them.
I'm not quite sure I'm following you. Do you mean something along the lines (hypothetically of course!) of that if I bring an issue to my boss and he doesn't agree with my opinion; that if I am wrongly sensitive I may view his disagreement of my opinion as being 'against' me?
- November 11th, 2009, 03:05 am
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WeDesignOurLives WeDesignOurLives is offline
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meri75 wrote :
I'm not quite sure I'm following you. Do you mean something along the lines (hypothetically of course!) of that if I bring an issue to my boss and he doesn't agree with my opinion; that if I am wrongly sensitive I may view his disagreement of my opinion as being 'against' me?
Yes.
- November 11th, 2009, 10:01 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
He wouldn't be offended by anything you say to him.

He loses his temper a lot but for crazy stuff. We didn't greet him at the door when he got home one night so most of dinner was thrown around. Oh now this one would fit what you were saying, he lost it with an old lady at bingo who criticized his bingo calling abilities.
Ok, but so does the dinner thing... he lost his temper because he was offended that you didn't think enough of him to stop your life in its tracks and acknowledge/validate him.

Doesn't have to be speech that could offend someone... an expectation wasn't fulfilled and because it wasn't there was an offense. The narcissist doesn't have the thought/consideration about you (or does and dismisses it as not important).

I don't know he thinks he's perfect...if he did he wouldn't want anyone to get in the way of him enjoying himself, right?
- November 11th, 2009, 10:09 pm
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I've gotten pretty good at tagging a potential narcissist in email communications before talking on the phone with guys I'm matched with on the various sites. Recently, in discussing my expectations with a new one that contacted me, I told him that it was unacceptable to send me "crotch shots". I brought it up as it is common practice by men on various sites and it is a deal-killer for me. He went off on how he didn't want to "crawl through the scum" that had sent me crotch shots so he was no longer interested in meeting me or electronic dating at all.

Ok.....no loss as far as I can see for me! If he thinks that I am to blame for all the pervs that sent me photos, that dude has a serious problem.

Narcissists are always ever so much better than everyone and nobody ever understands them or values them enough. Once you've been around one, it is easy to spot them out pretty darn fast.
- November 11th, 2009, 10:55 pm
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