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gemend gemend is offline
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gemend It's cold in Seattle.

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Funny this is here. I just broke it off (2 days ago) with one of them. Not knowing the behaviors, I just attributed to self confidence, but there were flags which I ignored. Duh! Anyhow, this just made me feel great, I was beginning to believe I had been the problem (like he so pointed out yesterday). All the behaviors started showing up exponentially when I emailed him I wanted to stop seeing him, loud, judgemental, putting me down and telling me I have a low IQ, and when I questioned his character, Kaboom! Thanks, I mean it, it really makes me feel better that a. I was right by breaking it off, b.there is a name for it. c. it wasn't all my fault afterall.
- November 19th, 2009, 08:22 pm
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ming_on_mongo ming_on_mongo is offline
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Congrats... (athough if he is a Narcissist, it might still be a bit too early to "relax" just yet)! I'd wager he'll also try some other, "more persuasive" attempts at getting back together, and rest assured they'll be more subtle and aimed right at wherever you're most vulnerable, especially since they have such an exceptional "gift" for detecting that.

So it might be helpful to review what attracted you to him in the first place, because a clue to figuring out your particular "vulnerability", is recognizing what he said or did that was "just what you wanted to hear"....
- November 19th, 2009, 10:30 pm
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AlexandraCassandra AlexandraCassandra is offline
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AlexandraCassandra "For me to live is Christ, to die is great gain"

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Is there hope for a Narcissist? Should you just brake off the relationship?
- November 20th, 2009, 12:28 am
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ming_on_mongo ming_on_mongo is offline
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AlexandraCassandra wrote :
Is there hope for a Narcissist? Should you just brake off the relationship?
Probably depends on what you're "hoping" for....
- November 20th, 2009, 05:21 am
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gemend gemend is offline
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gemend It's cold in Seattle.

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I do believe you are right, he might regroup and come back sweet as honey and tell me what I want to hear....I will keep you guys updated, but I could not go back because after what he has thrown at me in email, I have lost respect and trust. Thank you..great advice.
- November 21st, 2009, 02:06 pm
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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meri75 has to remember to go to the tip ...

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Would it be fairly typical for someone you believe to have Narcissism to tell lies or skew an account of reality; without considering that other people may well have proof to refute this false view?
- November 21st, 2009, 05:15 pm
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Sassafras54 Sassafras54 is offline
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Here are the diagnostic criteria for NPD:

Narcissistic personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Telling lies is not diagnostic of NPD. But a liar might have NPD.

Deceitfulness is a diagnostic criterion of Antisocial Personality Disorder:

Antisocial personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

If you're trying to figure out a particular person, you might want to read through the list of personality disorders:

Personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
- November 22nd, 2009, 11:25 am
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nightling nightling is offline
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meri75 wrote :
Would it be fairly typical for someone you believe to have Narcissism to tell lies or skew an account of reality; without considering that other people may well have proof to refute this false view?
Perhaps ...

I am reminded of this author who for years had been conducting an affair with a woman outside his marriage, but his family members all knew about it for years. Eventually the tabloids got hold of it and were going to publish an account, so he was forced to fess up. The family were all baffled by his anger when he discovered they already knew and were just being understanding about it. In his view, if they had truly loved him, they would not have seen through his deception.

I forget the name of the author.

Here's a study on the rise in levels of narcissism in our society that I found over at Psychology today. Might be of some use in spotting the man or woman behind the charming mask before you're emotionally invested.

Am I Normal? | Psychology Today
Last edited by nightling; November 22nd, 2009 at 12:20 pm.
- November 22nd, 2009, 11:59 am
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nightling nightling is offline
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AlexandraCassandra wrote :
Is there hope for a Narcissist? Should you just brake off the relationship?
I think it is possible to love a narcissist, but you have to recognize they have a disorder that is going to consistently and constantly undermine the intimacy of your relationship with them. They have a heightened need to control you and require constant special handling, ie flattery, admiration and as little criticism as possible. You have to be able to set good boundaries with them, otherwise they will constantly be taking advantage of you for their own selfish ends.

Most people will say why bother .... but sometimes we do love people or even creatures who have become damaged in some way that makes them dangerous to themselves or others. Maybe sometimes that is the right thing to do for a fellow suffering creature, if you reasonably can? I suppose we'd all like to think someone could still love us in spite of whatever flaws we might have. Only you can say if this person is worth the aggravation you're going to experience with them. I think you'll need to have a special will and lots of backbone to remain healthy with a narcissistic partner as well as a very clear understanding of the disorder.

There is some information on dealing with narcissists in this link. http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...ide-narcissism
Last edited by nightling; November 22nd, 2009 at 12:21 pm.
- November 22nd, 2009, 12:09 pm
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ming_on_mongo ming_on_mongo is offline
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nightling wrote :
I think it is possible to love a narcissist, but you have to recognize they have a disorder that is going to consistently and constantly undermine the intimacy of your relationship with them. They have a heightened need to control you and require constant special handling, ie flattery, admiration and as little criticism as possible. You have to be able to set good boundaries with them, otherwise they will constantly be taking advantage of you for their own selfish ends.

Most people will say why bother .... but sometimes we do love people or even creatures who have become damaged in some way that makes them dangerous to themselves or others. Maybe sometimes that is the right thing to do for a fellow suffering creature, if you reasonably can? I suppose we'd all like to think someone could still love us in spite of whatever flaws we might have. Only you can say if this person is worth the aggravation you're going to experience with them. I think you'll need to have a special will and lots of backbone to remain healthy with a narcissistic partner as well as a very clear understanding of the disorder.

There is some information on dealing with narcissists in this link. A Field Guide To Narcissism | Psychology Today
That's really the point though, isn't it? That once they actually understand the characteristics that come with the disorder, who would knowingly choose to be in such a relationship.... totally lacking in empathy, trust, respect, or emotional intimacy (among other things)? Except for maybe another Narcissist (A Co-dependent or a Borderline) who doesn't value those things either...
- November 23rd, 2009, 09:08 pm
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