Narcissists

Just wanted to comment that there are actually different "levels" if you will, of narcissism. There is the DSM IV TR NPD that a few of you have been mentioning. But there are also those that may not meet the full diagnosis qualifications but are nevertheless very unpleasant to be around!!

I happen to think that our culture has spawned a narcissistic generation where it is not only acceptable but encouraged. As earlier posters have said, not religion, but belief in a higher power and God does seem to counteract that. Because we are such a melting pot of religions it seems we fight over religion more than we agree on it (except perhaps for Christmastime).

I do have a MA in counseling so let me offer this: at the pit of the narcissists is a profound insecurity. They actually have more in common with infants than adults. The root of it is that they never received what they needed emotionally at an earlier age (that, and the fact that it runs in families - or both). Those raised in poverty have a much higher likelihood of developing narcissism as well as very wealthy kids who received no emotional benefits (absent parents). So, even though they come across as doing no wrong and having a "God complex" where they believe they know what's better than God does - at the root of it they feel they are worthless and not at all confident. The key is that if they were confident, there would be no anger, rage or conflict when others disagree with them. That's why they "need" the validation - and become absolutely horrible when they don't get it.

The other key thing is the exploitation. Again, based on needs that were never met, they must exploit others to get what they want because they don't believe they'll get it any other way. Because they usually lack insight into their own motives, they rarely can understand the concept that one must give in order to get.

Finally, the lying is rationalized by whatever gain they get from it. Our culture cares more about how things "look" than the truth of what they are. We are obsesssed with youth and the glamour that comes with massive advertising and quick fixes. The charm that narcissists often display is reinforced because it gets them what they want (however temporarily). Narcissists thrive not on doing what is right - but what is rewarded - their needs are too great for them to be concerned about what "is right."

Although i don't recommend getting involved with a narcissist if you can help it, if you can't avoid it, try this trick: use a little zen and reverse psychology - shower them with praise the next time they act up and watch the rage subside. You may not being completely truthful about what you feel inside - but ask yourself - is it worth the fight? Since they'll never agree with your criticism (for lack of insight) might as well just quiet them down a bit. For an added bonus, praise them for something they don't do but you wish they did - and maybe they just might be motivated.

What factors in our culture do you think have "spawned a narcissistic generation"? Do you think narcissism is more prevalent now than in the past?