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BeccaH BeccaH is offline
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Hi, I just joined this group. I just joined eharmony a couple of weeks ago and have been writing a guy since then almost daily. We are going to try going out in a week. It will be my first date since I was widowed 3 years ago and I am a little nervous. Guess that is normal but how do I calm my nerves? I mean I told the guy I would be nervous so should I leave it at that? I feel like I'm 16 again. We are just doing lunch and maybe a walk in the park, etc. Any hints from those who have been on that "first"? Thanks in advance. BeccaH
- July 8th, 2009, 03:20 pm
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RoxyRedhead RoxyRedhead is offline
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RoxyRedhead busy weekend and beautiful weather!

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Hi Becca--I'd bet all of us have had first date nerves, at least on the initial few first dates. It's pretty normal to have anxiety especially when we have been widowed.
Expect feelings of guilt-I tried to date at about 30 months and had to call it to a halt because I felt so guilty about dating when I still loved and missed my husband.
Expect to want to talk about your husband-at least *I* still do because he was so important to me. I don't know what to say about this but I know it can be a reality for us.
Try to relax and enjoy your experience and don't have unrealistic expectations for instant compatibility. This is just a meeting to see if you have enough in common to take a second date.
For myself, lunch is too much of a time commitment for a first date. I love Starbucks for first meetings-these aren't *dates* but opportunities to see if we can talk together, laugh together and have mutual things in common.
I usually do lunch for a second date-though last week I had a second date at a local Blues Festival-this ended up being 8 hours of time with a man I had just met a week before, but everything turned out great and we have plans for a date next week.
I am now 4+ years after my husbands death and for me, finally ready to put myself out there and make a new life with someone if I find the right man.
Gook luck and tell us how things turned out! I think that people in our position have a real need for support when first beginning dating again.
Best
Roxy
- July 8th, 2009, 04:31 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is offline
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j0hn8andy .....Take off the Rings.....That's the Goal.....

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I haven't had any dates yet. I don't even have my Matches turned on. But I do wish you luck.

Would it help calm those nerves if you don't think of it as a date? Perhaps you could remind yourself that you will probably know several men before you find somebody else to marry. He's just the first.

Everything you have now and want for the future is not riding on this one. Put it back in perspective.

Good luck again, hon.
- July 8th, 2009, 06:25 pm
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BeccaH BeccaH is offline
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Thank you so much, This is a great way to think of it as just 2 friends meeting to get to know each other. BeccaH
- July 8th, 2009, 07:05 pm
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ohb54 ohb54 is offline
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I had similar feelings and came to realize that my wife had been my source of approval and support for 20 years. Now I feel like I'm "winging it". It is like being a teenager again to a big degree. Hold your breath, cross your fingers and you'll do just fine. It is two new friends getting to know each other.

Have a good time...
- July 14th, 2009, 06:59 pm
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BillLvsGolf BillLvsGolf is offline
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Just imagine him in his underwear....no, wait, that's advice if you are nervous about giving a speech!

It's going to be a learning process for you again, and yes you might be nervous, but he will be too, to some degree, if he is just starting out. After 3 years, I decided it was time to start again. In nine months, I probably went out with 20 different women, and emailed more. Most were single dates, one was for several months, but none were too serious.

Then three months ago, I met a lady and we hit it off from the start. We are very compatable and things are very comfortable between us. She's a keeper!

Good luck, and just go out and have fun.
- July 16th, 2009, 02:24 pm
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Lee47 Lee47 is offline
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I hope your date goes well. I just lost my wife in may, I have no idea when if I ever date again. I think that I sould wait at least a full year. Even though she is gone I still feel as married as ever. You waited long enough so I wish you luck.
- July 19th, 2009, 06:45 pm
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Diann1950 Diann1950 is offline
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Diann1950 Back to work for the week

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Lee it does take time to think about it for most people so take the time. You might start with groups you find in your area, this is not dating, but it is companionship and company something we all need. You will find people in all stages of singleness and a lot of good advice. I broke the ice joining a singles group at a local church and found that there were people with whom I could feel safe spending time and have a lot of fun at the same time. You get out and don't have to do it alone.
- July 20th, 2009, 10:10 am
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FaithNGod FaithNGod is offline
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BeccaH wrote :
Hi, I just joined this group. I just joined eharmony a couple of weeks ago and have been writing a guy since then almost daily. We are going to try going out in a week. It will be my first date since I was widowed 3 years ago and I am a little nervous. Guess that is normal but how do I calm my nerves? I mean I told the guy I would be nervous so should I leave it at that? I feel like I'm 16 again. We are just doing lunch and maybe a walk in the park, etc. Any hints from those who have been on that "first"? Thanks in advance. BeccaH
I dont know if this will help but I will share what helps me. As a christian man seeking christian women. I realise that we already have a relationship in christ. We are spiritual brother and sister's in christ. This is a already established or validated relationship. I dont have the pressure to validate the relationship with women by my dating them. I can just relax and feel free to just enjoy my experience of getting to know them.

I have been on my share of interviewing meetings by women. I can usually tell right up front that they have all of their questions ready to fire off. It usuall ends with a hand shake from them as if concluding a business meeting. It is their loss to be so up tight and not just enjoy our interaction no matter where we go from there. I find value even with them in our interactions. Just be true to who you are and a guy will be into you because of you.
- July 23rd, 2009, 07:50 pm
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