Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

A Man\'s Point of view Men\'s opinion Suport Group. The male language is PC incorrect. Women greatly enhance this group and your views are most welcomed!! Discuss online dating and other things. This is not a Debatin

Reply
Page 3 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
calypa calypa is offline
calypa's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

My best friend is a man I've known for 19 years. He's a big ole teddy bear, and is the big brother I never had growing up. He's never "made a move" on me (yes, he's "very" straight), I haven't made a move on him. We don't agree on everything (even went to rival colleges), but we're family, for all intents and purposes.

So... the answer is, "YES."
- July 21st, 2009, 06:17 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
Andrewthecarrotman Andrewthecarrotman is offline
Andrewthecarrotman's Avatar

Andrewthecarrotman hopes for better weather.

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 41

See profile

Absolutely they can be friends. There just has to be no sexual relationship between them. Which is usually easiest with people of the opposite sex that you grew up with. People like my sister or the "sister that I always wanted"
- July 22nd, 2009, 04:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
ANDR3W ANDR3W is offline
ANDR3W's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 346

See profile

meri75 wrote :
One of my early-on partners would get occasionally violent. As you may imagine, this did cause some damage in being able to trust men or wanting them in my vicinity etc. It is through my male friends that my capacity to trust men has been repaired.

His thinking process seems to differ to mine and he brings to my attention scenarios I haven't considered. I find this one mostly occurs in relation to work. At first, I thought it was due to experience (he is seven years older); until I noticed it was the same with other male colleagues. Their insights have definitely contributed to my successfulness in my role.

The former, the qualities are there. Is it even possible the other way around? I mean, from what I've read and been told by others, it would be difficult for a man to have a non-sexual friendship with a woman he sexually desires?
Sorry to hear about your abusive early-on partner, that must have been a traumatic experience. It's commendable that your platonic friends were able to to repair your capacity to trust men. But how do male friends with no sexual potential accomplish this remarkable healing of damaged trust? Is it the exchange of ideas and insights, is it the companionship and conversations?

Its not difficult for a man to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he desires.But after puberty sexual relationships tend to become preferred over platonic ones. I would rather pursue intimate relationships, there doesn't seem to be many benefits to being the guy with no sexual potential.
- July 23rd, 2009, 06:57 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
Andrewthecarrotman Andrewthecarrotman is offline
Andrewthecarrotman's Avatar

Andrewthecarrotman hopes for better weather.

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 41

See profile

Mine in Red

ANDR3W wrote :
Sorry to hear about your abusive early-on partner, that must have been a traumatic experience. It's commendable that your platonic friends were able to to repair your capacity to trust men. But how do male friends with no sexual potential accomplish this remarkable healing of damaged trust? Trust doesn't have to be complete trust that you should have in a partner. BUT a male platonic friend is able to exemplify those of us who aren't jerks (to put it politely).Is it the exchange of ideas and insights, is it the companionship and conversations? You got it. Be a human being.

Its not difficult for a man to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he desires.But after puberty sexual relationships tend to become preferred over platonic ones. I would rather pursue intimate relationships, there doesn't seem to be many benefits to being the guy with no sexual potential.
I agree completely with the last paragraph, and eventually you will lose the desire in non-sexual friendships (if it was there at all)
- July 24th, 2009, 10:04 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
MikeyU MikeyU is offline
MikeyU's Avatar

MikeyU is exploring this new place!

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

Hi all...brand new to EHA.

My personal experience is that, yes, it is very possible. My best friend is a female and we've been pretty much family and inseparable for the past 15 years. When things started out, there were some possibilities of romance and whatnot, but it just didn't click with us. So we settled for being best friends and it's worked out perfectly. She's happily married with two wonderful children, I'm on extremely great terms with her husband and I"m "Uncle Mikey" to her children. I'm her big brother she never had, and she's my little sister I never had.

I've been a part of her family since we met, know her parents, sister and her extended family. My holidays include her family as well. I've had several working relationships with females that have evolved into similar circumstances.

On top of it all, I'm on speaking/friendship terms with 99.9% of my ex-girlfriends as well. I just don't believe that just because you don't make it as a couple that you can't make it as friends. Most of my active friendships are with women and most of them are happily married. When the crap hits the fan and they need an ear, I'm there.

I did have my (one) moment where I almost destroyed a happy marriage. Vowed to never do that again. Now I'm doing my best to keep my friends married because I believe in commitment and vows. I was raised that way and I believe in the importance of marriage. I've never been lucky enough to find that one special one that can put up with all my idiosyncrasies to get married, but she's out there...somewhere.

I'll also say that, in a couple of my relationships...my girlfriends did feel a bit intimidated by me having a female best friend. It does take a bit of working to get them to accept her and her family. So...there is a catch to it as well.
- July 24th, 2009, 01:52 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

meri75 meri75 is offline
meri75's Avatar

meri75 has to remember to go to the tip ...

Virtuoso

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 2,785

See profile

ANDR3W wrote :
Sorry to hear about your abusive early-on partner, that must have been a traumatic experience. It's commendable that your platonic friends were able to to repair your capacity to trust men. But how do male friends with no sexual potential accomplish this remarkable healing of damaged trust? Is it the exchange of ideas and insights, is it the companionship and conversations?

Its not difficult for a man to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he desires.But after puberty sexual relationships tend to become preferred over platonic ones. I would rather pursue intimate relationships, there doesn't seem to be many benefits to being the guy with no sexual potential.
It was just how they were with me, how they behaved. It's hard to try to describe what it was really. I know that my history with my ex was never seen as 'baggage' ... that perhaps is where there is a big difference. Definitely later partners were hesitant to hold hands, hug, kiss and some of them weren't able to move beyond it at all. The fact that they wanted to be with me without being with me sexually told me strongly that I wasn't being viewed as 'poor' Meri, or that I was less of a woman.

Hmm ... perhaps it depends largely upon the dynamic of the two people involved. If the man were always being put to use doing jobs or whatever, I wouldn't call that a platonic friendship. Not unless he happened to like doing those kinds of things.
- July 24th, 2009, 09:40 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#26   Reply With Quote
meri75 meri75 is offline
meri75's Avatar

meri75 has to remember to go to the tip ...

Virtuoso

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 2,785

See profile

Andrewthecarrotman wrote :
Mine in Red

Originally Posted by ANDR3W
Sorry to hear about your abusive early-on partner, that must have been a traumatic experience. It's commendable that your platonic friends were able to to repair your capacity to trust men. But how do male friends with no sexual potential accomplish this remarkable healing of damaged trust? Trust doesn't have to be complete trust that you should have in a partner. BUT a male platonic friend is able to exemplify those of us who aren't jerks (to put it politely).Is it the exchange of ideas and insights, is it the companionship and conversations? You got it. Be a human being.

Its not difficult for a man to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he desires.But after puberty sexual relationships tend to become preferred over platonic ones. I would rather pursue intimate relationships, there doesn't seem to be many benefits to being the guy with no sexual potential.

I agree completely with the last paragraph, and eventually you will lose the desire in non-sexual friendships (if it was there at all)
Yes, that is what they were able to achieve.

Isn't that fairly normal with a lot of friendships? I mean, very few people I considered my friends ten years ago are my friends today. It's not that we had any major falling out, just that we moved in different directions (and I relocated) and the friendships just kind of fizzled out and new ones began.
- July 24th, 2009, 09:46 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#27   Reply With Quote
Andrewthecarrotman Andrewthecarrotman is offline
Andrewthecarrotman's Avatar

Andrewthecarrotman hopes for better weather.

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 41

See profile

meri75 wrote :
It was just how they were with me, how they behaved. It's hard to try to describe what it was really. I know that my history with my ex was never seen as 'baggage' ... that perhaps is where there is a big difference. Definitely later partners were hesitant to hold hands, hug, kiss and some of them weren't able to move beyond it at all. The fact that they wanted to be with me without being with me sexually told me strongly that I wasn't being viewed as 'poor' Meri, or that I was less of a woman.

Hmm ... perhaps it depends largely upon the dynamic of the two people involved. If the man were always being put to use doing jobs or whatever, I wouldn't call that a platonic friendship. Not unless he happened to like doing those kinds of things.
I do not know about the baggage part. If I were dating you I would view they way you react as 'baggage.' Everyone has a past, but you mentioned that some of the guys that you dated after that could not get beyond a point of kiss, etc. I believe that everyone has a past and deserves to have those experiences color their viewpoints of the world. BUT, there is definitely a point to where the past from the ex is transferring over to our relationship. At that point, I would definitely demand that it at least begin lessening in severity. At that point, it is becoming a trust issue in OUR relationship (presuming we were dating, of course)

Baggage doesn't make you lesser or a worse person than someone else, but your partners should not be someone else's mistakes. Good luck, and I hope that you never run into a situation where it would be a trust issue.
- August 3rd, 2009, 06:39 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#28   Reply With Quote
Mainah64 Mainah64 is offline
Mainah64's Avatar

Mainah64 is taking his mini van to the dragstrip in the spring - aiming for mid 15's

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 743

See profile

Two of my bestest friends are female. They are different and I value them tremendously. I will add that we had dated in the past, it didn't work out, and I have met and hung out with them and their new partners. I have no romantic interest in them and really appreciate their feminine perspective and qualities.
- August 5th, 2009, 03:41 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#29   Reply With Quote
yeoww yeoww is offline
yeoww's Avatar

yeoww wishes you all the very best!

Veteran

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 1,335

See profile

It's possible but only if both people feel absolutely no physical attraction to each other. So many times one or the other in a so-called platonic relationship is secretly hoping for "more" and gets hurt when that doesn't happen.
- August 5th, 2009, 11:39 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#30   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 Last »

Bookmarks

« As a Woman, do you come on too strong? | Array | How would this make you feel? Men especially... »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ The more I think about it the more obvious it seems, and the more embarrassed I feel about it. The harder the lesson the more it sticks yes?” – PenguinOne

Join the “Rough Start” discussion

“Hey; spill! (And my congrats to the lucky fellow. ) I know, he *is* very lucky, 'cause I'm awesome. ” – scarlet13

Join the “Monday, February 8th weekend and date roundup!” discussion

“I have never said something like this but I have thought such things to myself. Given the circumstances I am sure he meant it as a compliment.” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“Not necessarily online dating, but prior to joining this message board: 1. I never knew that saying "I'm a nice guy" can almost equal to 'I have an incurable disease'. 2. How imbalance dating ... ” – PY_2

Join the “What lessons have you learned from online dating?” discussion

“So I got a new match that has my interest. I checked him out, really enjoyed his profile, and I sent an icebreaker. That's big for me, I'm trying to initiate more He's viewed my profile every ... ” – ScottK

Join the “He keeps looking at my profile, but hasn't sent questions.” discussion

“I'm kind of more concerned about the fact that the OP is unhappy that it was a black man--it sounds like someone who prefaces a racist statement with, "I'm not a racist, but..." It DOES sound like ... ” – Seuss

Join the “Getting Over My Girlfriend's Past Lovers?” discussion

“Ouchie...But, turning the other cheek, When I met someone that I liked and they acted like they liked me too, I asked them out. If I wanted to call them, I did, and if they wanted to hear from me, ... ” – StuckOnYou

Join the “Too much thinking going on here...” discussion

“ I'd have closed them right here. Those don't sound like the answers of someone ready for an adult level relationship.” – hankscorpio

Join the “I'm seeing red flags . . .” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:09 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0