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angeniece angeniece is offline
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Tank, wrote :

Hello All,


What percentage of a healthy relationshipshould sex be? I told my new girlfriend I think 30% she told me 10%. I asked if she was anstudying to be aNun (just kidding
I dated someone for about six months (from EH no less), eventually they ended the relationship due to lack of sex. I shared with this individual prior to entering a relationship that I was planning to wait until marriage. Though I'm certain they were not "THE ONE", it made me question my decision to disclose my celebacy. When should you tell someone that you are waiting for marriage?
- March 31st, 2009, 01:12 pm
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Tank Tank is offline
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You should tell the person up front, right away, IMMMEADIATELY that you are waiting to get married. And make sure you repeat it often and also make sure you don't do anything that might give him the wrong impression. I had an old girlfriend tell me at first she was waiting to get married but the things we did together told me quite the opposite. Just be honest and don't lead someone with actions that contradict what is said. There is a name for woman like that... Sounds like "Jingle Bells"
- March 31st, 2009, 07:59 pm
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wordwoman wordwoman is offline
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Tank wrote :

You should tell the person up front, right away, IMMMEADIATELY that you are waiting to get married. And make sure you repeat it often and also make sure you don't do anything that might give him the wrong impression. I had an old girlfriend tell me at first she was waiting to get married but the things we did together told me quite the opposite. Just be honest and don't lead someone with actions that contradict what is said. There is a name for woman like that... Sounds like "Jingle Bells"
100 percent agree. If you're practicing celibacy until marriage let the guy know immediately, and repeat, repeat, repeat. Some guys might askexactly what do you mean by being celibate, as in, what is allowed and not allowed, because somefolks have some interestinginterpretations of what"celibacy" means.Now, one of the more amazing interpretations I've heard of lately was on Oprah's show with Steve Harvey as the guest: A young woman said she was celibate because "she" didn't actively participate in any sexaul activity, but it was perfectly acceptable and allowableto her if "he" did things to her. I don't know where this young womangot her definition of sexual abstinence, but I suppose it's from the same book that Tank's ex-girlfriend was reading.
- March 31st, 2009, 11:16 pm
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jasunshine jasunshine is offline
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JasonX43 wrote :

ice_in_ur_shorts wrote :


Dude! If I'm in bed with a hot woman (and that's just how it's gonna be), I want sex!


Does that make it 100%?


But will be 100% if that hot girl gives you an STD? I'm trying to encourage us as black men to stop thinking with our penis and start thinking with our brains because AIDS is eating us for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desert! To top it all off, most black men are only thinking about sex and not about the possibility of getting said "hot woman" pregnant!
AMEN! say it!
- April 2nd, 2009, 08:19 am
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adesertflower929 adesertflower929 is offline
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angeniece wrote :

I agree with Jason. Sex is the icing on the cake, not an ingredient. I would say 10%. A great relationship leads to great sex, even if the partner isnt that great. I also think that waiting until marriage heightened sex (never been married though). Theres alot to be said for being unihibited because your not feeling convicted.
angeniece - I like your quote - I am going to have to use it!


I also think that waiting until marriage heightened sex (never been married though). Theres alot to be said for being unihibited because your not feeling convicted.


I think that that is the right idea.





- April 2nd, 2009, 06:00 pm
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north06 north06 is offline
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Tank, wrote :

Hello All,


What percentage of a healthy relationshipshould sex be? I told my new girlfriend I think 30% she told me 10%. I asked if she was anstudying to be aNun (just kidding
I think that since we as humans tend to focus on the exception rather than the norm, I would have to say that sex is more important the more one or both partners believe it is lacking in a relationship. So the issue isn't so much a percentage but more of how does each member of a relationship feel about their sex life. If both people are satisfied with their sexual compatibility, one person may say 10% and the other may say 30% but what difference does it make if both are happy with what is occuring. I think we sometimes allow ourselves to be mislead by numbers because they appear so absolute when in actuality their is no way to measure what a percentage means when something is not defined numerically.
- April 4th, 2009, 08:18 pm
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Xsta_c Xsta_c is offline
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To me I beleive that sex is really important in my realationship Ill give it a 60% rating I mean if your dont connect on a physical level the relationship is going to fall apart even if everything else is good ,it will not last .................
- April 18th, 2009, 10:40 am
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Jacquiem Jacquiem is offline
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Tank wrote :

You should tell the person up front, right away, IMMMEADIATELY that you are waiting to get married. And make sure you repeat it often and also make sure you don't do anything that might give him the wrong impression. I had an old girlfriend tell me at first she was waiting to get married but the things we did together told me quite the opposite. Just be honest and don't lead someone with actions that contradict what is said. There is a name for woman like that... Sounds like "Jingle Bells"
I'm glad I read this thread!! I've been wondering about this question (when to tell someone you're abstinent until marriage). Thanks for the answer.


By the way, celibate and abstinent are not the same things. People use those terms interchangably and they're really not. Celibate is, according the Merriam Webster, abstention from sexual intercourse...by vow from marriage. In other words, to NEVER marry, and therefore NEVER have sex.


Abstinence, on the other hand, is defined asvoluntary forbearance especially from indulgence of an appetite or craving or from eating some foods, or abstention from sexual intercourse.


You can't be celibate until you're married, because by declaring yourself celibate, you're saying you're never intending to marry. If you intend to marry and have plenty of wild, crazy, jumping-off-the-dresser sex (and I do when I get married), then you're just abstaining until that magical time arrives...


And to chime in on the subject, sex it terribly important (it is to me, anyway), but it's not THE most important thing in a relationship. When we're physically unable to have sex anymore, or we're both too old and arthritic to dare chance breaking a hip doing it, what's more important is that we like being in each other's company, even with all our clothes on. Yes, the sex has to be good, something I want to do with the husband, but I have to want to be and stay with the husband much more for me to even want to have sex with him.


- April 19th, 2009, 07:56 pm
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WOW...ICAN'T believe what I've read. Based on many of the posts here, one would incorrectly assume those who are 'saving' themselves for marriage are virgins. Now, for those who are virgins, I can respect your points of view but for those of us who are not...PLEASE, stop the bull... Sex, regardless of the amount, the precentage, is a very personal issue and there is no right or wrong time to decide to have sex with ones partner. So I would hope 'everyone' would stop giving advise...including me (smile). Really, I do not consider myself giving advise to anyone regarding their choice but if the 40 and over crowd here has not engaged in sex, then you have an opinion. If you, for any reason, wish to become a 'born-again-virgin' forget it and let others lead their lives as they deem fit.


Personally, there is nothing better then great sex. And, yes, it is about good sex...not just sex with ones partner. Those who think otherwise are mistaken and we wonder why men and women have affairs. On a personal note: I met a woman who had three children and she told me that she would have sex until she was married (she was divorced at that time). I thought this was kinda funny since she already has three children and I was wondering what she was saving 'it' for. Oh, yes, there was not a second date. What would the point.
- April 22nd, 2009, 10:08 am
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idocare idocare is offline
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Sexually active folks won't wait until marriage. The older you get the less important sexin the relationship becomes. If you were active sexually in another relationshipthen decide to wait for marriage with your nextrelationship;then I agree that it should be mentioned to someone your communicating with somewhat early on in the communicating stage. Don't wait until the person has flown way across the country to tellthem they'renot gettin none.
- April 22nd, 2009, 11:13 am
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