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notyet notyet is offline
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meri75 wrote :
...He is also my Boss...
well, now. you neglected that little bit of information, didn't you...
- November 7th, 2009, 07:44 pm
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notyet wrote :
well, now. you neglected that little bit of information, didn't you...
Ha ha - yeah. We've worked together for the past 7-8 years; he became my Boss last week.
- November 7th, 2009, 08:43 pm
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ok, so i just read your OP. why did you not ask him out before last week? you have known him for years! are you telling us that you just learned these things about him in the last few days?

sigh!
- November 7th, 2009, 10:45 pm
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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notyet wrote :
ok, so i just read your OP. why did you not ask him out before last week? you have known him for years! are you telling us that you just learned these things about him in the last few days?

sigh!
LOL - no, I've always known him to be a generous man!

I think it was just - after he left, I logged on to EHA and reflected upon some miserable postings (not here in CS) and realised what a truly good friend he is to me. And so I wanted to share this and hope that others have a very good friend like him in their lives too. I was truly surprised by the responses - but I smiled a lot.

Why didn't I ask him out before? Well - he wasn't single until around 18 months or so ago. I don't know, I just have never 'got' the feeling he thinks of anything more than friendship with me.
- November 8th, 2009, 02:15 am
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Go for it, but understand that he may just be a friend. I have a friend like that and I have tried to move it forward with no result. Since I don't want to lose the friend I have backed off the rest. Remember that is always a possibility.
- November 8th, 2009, 06:41 am
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meri75 wrote :
...I don't know, I just have never 'got' the feeling he thinks of anything more than friendship with me.
you started this thread with "i have a very good... freind."

what is it with the "friend" thing? i just do not get it. i, for one, want to marry a friend- if possible a best friend. not picking on you, meri- just using the opportunity to ask the question here in CS.

i have asked that question out on the main boards and did not get an answer i did not expect. but i will admit that i do expect a different answer form my christian brothers and sisters.

why do we not want to date our friends? we already know we are compatible with them on many levels. have we also bought into the myth that romantic love can be kept burning at the hollywood pace for decades? do we find anyone to whom we do not have that immediate electric connection to be unacceptable? are we holding out for "soul mates" and letting perfectly good choices pass us by? do we really believe that there is only "the one" out there?
- November 8th, 2009, 07:49 am
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I agree that friends are a good place to look for partners, they are people whose character we know, we enjoy their company and respect them. All qualities I am looking for. Unfortunately as we get older many of those friends are in marriages, relationships or just not attracted to us. So the question is how to know when or if there is the potential for a more romatic relationship.
- November 8th, 2009, 08:45 am
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Ah, Meri...this has been a fun thread to read. Your sweetness and humility comes through.

I'm sure you've prayed about this. Keep it up. And as Bluebird told me, just be your wonderful you!
- November 8th, 2009, 10:11 am
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notyet wrote :
you started this thread with "i have a very good... freind."

what is it with the "friend" thing? i just do not get it. i, for one, want to marry a friend- if possible a best friend. not picking on you, meri- just using the opportunity to ask the question here in CS.

i have asked that question out on the main boards and did not get an answer i did not expect. but i will admit that i do expect a different answer form my christian brothers and sisters.

why do we not want to date our friends? we already know we are compatible with them on many levels. have we also bought into the myth that romantic love can be kept burning at the hollywood pace for decades? do we find anyone to whom we do not have that immediate electric connection to be unacceptable? are we holding out for "soul mates" and letting perfectly good choices pass us by? do we really believe that there is only "the one" out there?
I would date a friend...I think that we have missed the mark on what love really is. Love is not this burning passion that we feel all the time, that is more like lust. Love is a commitment, unconditional, and hard work. Lust comes and goes. Passion comes and goes like an ebb and flow. We think that we must find love that feels like an explosive high all the time. When it doesn't line up with the Hollywood version and is real down to earth then we are disillusioned and feel that we are not "in Love". I am not looking for my soul mate, because I am not sure what this person should really look like--is a soul mate based on a feeling?

I am looking for a best friend who will be with me through thick and thin, enjoy life together, and sees the awesomeness in me through the roughness of the shell around me as I also will appreciate him. As I grow older, it seems crazy to see all these women who are so desperate and looking for love or a hookup in young men. I am not interested in that type of shallow relationship that is based on temporarily making me feel worthwhile. I want companionship with a man that is more than a one night stand. Sex is great and I love it, but it is not everything in a relationship despite what Hollywood tries to portray. Love to Hollywood is sex and passion. I want honest to goodness real love that is like what 1 Cor 13 talks about. I know it won't always be roses and fairy tales, and involves working on the relationship, but it is worth it. Maybe that is why there is so much brokenness. Nobody wants to work on relationships and love. If it gets too messy or hard they bail. They want it to be easy without complications. If they don't "feel" in love anymore then onto greener pastures. They have been deceived to think that love is always a feeling. Love is more than a feeling and sometimes involves a myriad of feelings, some not always good, but because of our foundational belief of what love it we hang in there.

Oh well I have rambled enough and I am way too serious. LOL
But I want my next mate to be my best friend. Maybe that is an unrealistic expectation.
- November 8th, 2009, 03:49 pm
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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notyet wrote :
you started this thread with "i have a very good... freind."

what is it with the "friend" thing? i just do not get it. i, for one, want to marry a friend- if possible a best friend. not picking on you, meri- just using the opportunity to ask the question here in CS.

i have asked that question out on the main boards and did not get an answer i did not expect. but i will admit that i do expect a different answer form my christian brothers and sisters.

why do we not want to date our friends? we already know we are compatible with them on many levels. have we also bought into the myth that romantic love can be kept burning at the hollywood pace for decades? do we find anyone to whom we do not have that immediate electric connection to be unacceptable? are we holding out for "soul mates" and letting perfectly good choices pass us by? do we really believe that there is only "the one" out there?
If I look at the men who I consider to be a friend - they are all compatible with me. He just happens to be the only one currently who is single.

He is an extrovert, so my (assumed) belief is that he would speak up if he were interested.

I don't believe in soul mates.

I'm not sure I understand your question: 'What is it with the 'friend' thing? Are you asking why do I have a close male friend whom I do not explore relationship opportunities? Or taking another tack entirely? I'm not sure.
- November 9th, 2009, 03:57 am
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