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Smartman Smartman is offline
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olneyjeeps wrote :
What's that golden rule "treat others as you would have them treat you"?


It's funny, in another thread, someone commented "it's not like you are married" I see relationships as a "test run" for marriage... nothing should be different and no rules should change.
You should treat others as you would want to be treated, but relationships are a test run for going to the next step, which is seeing each other exclusively. Things definately do change between being boyfriend/girlfriend and being married, but I think I know what you meant.
Last edited by Smartman; October 29th, 2009 at 09:32 pm.
- October 29th, 2009, 08:01 pm
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Smartman Smartman is offline
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liquidKi wrote :
If you have to wonder if what you're doing is cheating, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
I'm sure there are situations within a relationship where this applies, but you would have to know everything if you NEVER wondered things like that. You'd be a perfect person, which, as we all know, doesn't exist.
- October 29th, 2009, 08:04 pm
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Smartman Smartman is offline
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Valdez wrote :
Wow, there are a lot of strong opinions about cheating. It sounds like they're guilty before getting a fair trial.

Well, I see it much differently. First, you have to have an understanding in place. If you are dating someone, you need to understand your commitment to each other, if any. If there is no agreement on this, you could be in for a surprise. One might think that it's perfectly alright to see others and the other one might be struggling to create something that really isn't there.

Here's how I would do it...

If I find myself becoming romantically involved, I would simple ask my new partner what she wants to do. Does she want to date around and if so, is she is ok with me doing the same. Or does she want to just date me and see how it goes. Then, going forward, you know what is expected of each other.

Then I wouldn't worry about what the other one does and it should be the same for me. Each of us can be "friendly" with others of the opposite sex without the threat of ruining the relationship. It all about intention. You either intend on being committed to a person or not. Just because you enjoy someone elses company, it does not mean that you want to go to bed with them. But, if you say one thing and then do the other, well I guess the handwriting is on the wall. I suggest you read it and act accordingly.
You have to communicate with your partner. I think that as long as you are honestly trying, you are headed in the right direction. Everyone has friends of the opposite gender and there is a lot more communication going on, what with sites such as Facebook and everything. Relationships are so hard because we are in the age that we're in. You have to status more often with your partner and/or compromise so you are both OK with what the other is doing. If you don't know, ask or mention it to your partner and see what he/she says.
- October 29th, 2009, 08:18 pm
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LCS1976 LCS1976 is offline
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Do you trust your significant other? If you can trust their word in the little things, then I would say you generally should be able to trust them with bigger issues. Any relationship is nothing without good communication. I know it's hard for many people to come out and say what they are really feeling or thinking, but it needs to be done. If you're not into your guy or girl any longer and want to move on, TELL them. It will be less painful for both of you in the long run. And they will probably respect you a lot more for being honest!
I would not waste the time obsessing about cheating. Cheating to me is breaking the trust you have (hopefully) established. In my experience, if the signs are there, it's probably happening. Cut him/her loose and save yourself the energy. BTW, lying usually goes hand in hand with the cheating. Good luck, but don't waste too much time fretting about it.
- November 2nd, 2009, 10:17 am
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suegarcougar suegarcougar is offline
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I ay if he lies about the little things, how are you suppose to trust him with the big things. once someone lies its eaiser the next time.
Last edited by suegarcougar; November 2nd, 2009 at 03:32 pm.
- November 2nd, 2009, 03:30 pm
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Fleuellen Fleuellen is offline
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only those with victim mentality get caught up about cheating ... i'm sure most only pretend they had no idea ... you have to want to be cheated on to be "cheated"
- November 2nd, 2009, 03:43 pm
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MValleyEast MValleyEast is offline
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I disagree with fluellen's post. Nobody "wants" to be cheated on. This sounds like blaming the betrayed partner and giving the unfaithful mate permission to violate thw exclusivity agreement at will.
- November 4th, 2009, 09:23 am
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Benevolence32 Benevolence32 is offline
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I thought it was a decent article once I read it at first I thought it was just going to be about blatant physical type things. But it was partially more about subtle sneaky things someone might do to test the waters or see what they can get away with. There comes a point where you need to ask yourself why you're doing these things and if it's fair to your partner.
- November 4th, 2009, 09:51 am
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frankenberry frankenberry is offline
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Fleuellen wrote :
only those with victim mentality get caught up about cheating ... i'm sure most only pretend they had no idea ... you have to want to be cheated on to be "cheated"
Wow, that's pretty much sociopathic. There is no cheating, just people with victim mentality who feel cheated on. And you have a blank check to do whatever you want, the only people who get hurt were defective to begin with.

If this is what you expect from a relationship, at least make sure whatever partners you have are aware of this
- November 5th, 2009, 10:58 pm
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Jayjay2380 Jayjay2380 is offline
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Everyone has different views on what cheating is and what it isn't?   Do you know why this is?   EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT!   No other person knows what is right for your relationship except you, if you cheat and get caught you will face the consequences from your partner and only you will deal with any backlash that may come of it, not anyone else.   Everyone knows what their partner would consider cheating if they know them well.   I don't agree that it just happens though, take responsiblity for it if you get caught because everyone is responsible for their own actions.   If you hurt someone say sorry, don't try to blame anyone else for your actions except yourself.   Always be upfront and honest with your feelings and other people's feelings because breaking a heart would feel really bad and mending one would be no picnic either if someone did it to you.

- November 12th, 2009, 05:47 am
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