Auntie Lit's Christmas Story

I’ve made my list, I’ve checked it thrice. I already know we’re mostly naughty and nice. If I missed you in this little story, it WAS NOT intentional, please know I care for all of you very much and there was so much ground to cover that an omission was not intentional – if someone sees someone I left out, please feel free to write up a room for them and attach it to this thread. Okay, it’s true, I did leave a few people out on purpose but they likely won’t be expecting to be included and I believe that street goes both ways.

Christmas Eve at Auntie Lit’s Good Time Emporium and Love Shack

Would you like a tour? I’m sure you would. My guests will be arriving shortly so I can only offer you the briefest of peeks into each of their accommodations.

The first room on our stop belongs to LSS. I know, it looks a bit odd, doesn’t it? You wouldn’t think a man would want walls completely plastered with pictures of Hotteas and LOL cats but it seems to comfort him in some strange way. And yes, I understand his bedspread looks like a big furry alien with thick brown fur but who am I to judge? Here at Auntie Lit’s, everyone gets their wish.

This next room belongs to M8se69. Quite different, wouldn’t you say? I had a time getting the walls completely covered in leather. But you know how it is, whatever M8se wants, M8se gets. What did you ask? Yes, of course, she uses the whip and the feather together, I’m not quite sure how she does it but she makes it work. *swats your hand* Don’t touch the woman’s boots! She’ll have your hide and not in that fun, spanky way.

A little further down the hall is Fino’s room. As you see, it overlooks the paddock. I don’t know how her horsies do it but I have only the finest craftsman here and I’ve been assured the gates and posts are all firmly set and yet … the ponies escape anyway. Oh well, it’s her job to watch them isn’t it? Why does she keep her saddle and spurs and all that tack /in/ her room? Only she can answer that question, though I’m guessing she gets so distracted with what’s going on in here that she doesn’t see what’s going on with the four legged studs outside.

This corner room belongs to ThePriestess. I had a devil of a time getting sheets made out of the Canadian flag. I know he’s American but we all have our little delusions, don’t we? Hmm? Yes yes, I know the view is different out his window? He thinks he’s in Canada when he’s here. This is his fantasy, not mine. Trust me, my fantasy doesn’t involve busty Nordic women bearing mugs of beer in each hand standing around in the snow. *THUMP* That? Oh, that’s Charlieburd, he’s just visiting.

Hoggy’s room is next, no, no beer involved. No tourists, no Northern Lights, nobody to serve. Her room is simple and practical yet sumptuous. Everything is sturdy as that is one rowdy woman once she gets about half her clothes off. The velvet box? Open it if you like, it’s a gold and silver, jewel encrusted Spinny Thing. She’s our Twister Mistress and keeper of The Spinny Thing. Of course we don’t always stay in our rooms and Twister is but one of our past times.

I think you’ll like our next room. It was a complete challenge to build. Who? Oh, it belongs to Lada2. Quite a puzzle that lady. This is her big comfy chair, where she contemplates life. That contraption behind the chair? It’s a sensory deprivation chamber. I think she goes in there sometimes when the world is too much for her – when she says she’s way out there, I think she’s in there… sorting it out. Make no mistake, the rest of her room is all luxury: the finest comfortable touches from around the world, reflections of travels past and projections forward of travels yet to come for this great lady.

Come along, step lively, we’ve much more to see and they’ll be arriving soon!

Next, behind a large oak door is Propa Nekid’s room. It does look a bit like the ultimate definition of a man cave, doesn’t it? Yes, I know people don’t normally have pictures of hottea’s riding propane tractors on their wall but the man is from Iowa, there really is no accounting for taste. The rest is nice though, don’t you think? Sturdy, solid, dependable furniture. DO NOT open that door. No, of course not, even I don’t go in there… it’s the Spanking Room. We have several guests who have access doors to that room. There’s some sort of system for whose turn it is for a spanking and who is giving it – they work it out. I know lots of people emerge from those doors with smiles upon their faces and rosy little behinds.

I can’t really explain this room to you but you are welcome to open the door. I KNOW there’s nothing in it. It’s CDR’s room. Yes, there’s a trap door – it doesn’t open. Never have been able to and as time goes by I become less and less curious about what is in there. I expect that’s where he truly spends his time and where he truly is himself. Maybe there’s nothing in there, either.

Next on this hallway we come to LBMM’s room. We just recently redecorated it for her in bold, royal, rich colors and I’ve imported a bed once used by a minor princess of Prussia. When she’s not busy trying to take over the world it’s important that she feel safe and loved and inspired to plot… er… scheme … er… create her next masterpiece!

Let’s go down the back stairs to this next floor. Things get a bit rowdy on every floor from time to time but this floor in particular can be problematic. I’ve had it soundproofed in the off season, I hope I get some sleep this year!

Kibbie is in this room. It’s completely work-proof. Took a bit of magic, that. But it is effective. She can’t work in here, she can’t think about work – she can only relax. Her bathtub is a thing of beauty, the tile is from Italy and it is built to fit 4 people. I’ve never asked her how many she’s entertained in here. I’ve heard the giggling though… and the maids complain a bit from time to time about soap scum. But in the end it’s little trouble vs. the pleasure. The bed is also one of those beds where you can jump and jump and jump and not spill your wine. No, no closet in this room either. I don’t think she needs one.

Just next to Kibbie is Livinagin’s room. I see some of /her/ guests have arrived early and seem to be preparing the room for her. Hmmm, athletic bunch, aren’t they. What? Oh no, I didn’t know they made little leather shorts that small for men either. They do make that look work for them, don’t they? The whole room is a bed really. I don’t think she sleeps much in there so I just had every surface padded. It seems the most efficient way to make everyone comfortable. *I* haven’t ever seen more than her legs either but I suspect someday she will show us and we will remain as delighted by her presence as we are currently.

HBgirl66’s room is here too. We refer to it as the Point of No Return. Private little joke – but I don’t pry. No, I won’t explain it. Fit for a Queen really. Luxurious. Oh no, don’t ask me to explain it, I really can’t. Something about they go in, but they don’t come out, but they go in and out. Oh that, no, I won’t explain that either. Don’t touch it!

Dac830 has the next room we’ll visit. Her room also overlooks the paddock, just from a different floor. I don’t imagine her horses are any better behaved than Fino’s but after all, isn’t that the nature of horses? No, those aren’t hoofprints on the door, they look like cowboy boots. Someone wanted in here rather badly. Good for him!

Ice_in_ur_shorts is in the next room. I padded his ceiling, mirrored the walls. There’s not a surface in here that you couldn’t… well now, why don’t we just leave that up to the imagination.

Try not to touch anything in this room. It’s really one big WET PAINT sign. There’s always something wet and something is always being painted. Who? OH! Rollingrock stays here when he’s in town. I know, quite a collection of brushes isn’t it.

D_Lion’s room is on this floor as well, though I’m not sure if it’s here for the same reason as the rest of the rowdies. He has a bit of a menagerie in here so I’ve had to make doubly sure that the slimier residents of this room don’t escape out into the general population of the hotel. Oh, and I made sure the animals can’t get out either.

Well that’s pretty much the tour of the Rowdies Floor. Let’s slip into the stairwell and go up, or is it down, these stairs really are a bit Escher-esque aren’t they? This next floor is more of where the thinkers are. No, they aren’t all books and no fun. In fact, there may not be a book on this floor at all, but from great minds come great things.

Our first resident of this floor is Notyet and his sexually confused bird George. George’s cage is full of toys and things to chew on. I asked her if she wanted Charlieburd to visit but she said squawk! So I decided not to let him. Notyet seems to enjoy many hobbies in here, manly pursuits and the like. I can’t tell you what all he gets up to in here but it’s comfortable and quiet – something I don’t think he gets enough of (even though he doesn’t seem to mind) in his everyday life.

HarryG’s room is next and seems to be in a state of flux. It seems like he likes his room but if he had his choice he might stay elsewhere. So many books with titles I can’t translate! He’s a poet as well, don’t you know. He has a small kitchen off this room, it’s stocked with all kinds of delicacies. Interesting cook that one, never know what’s in the pot but you can rest assured it’s always delicious.

Tinkerkat’s room is next. Another quiet place for a woman with a busy and full life. I see there are books all over her bed. It’s her room, don’t be so judgmental or we can stop this tour right now! Beautiful window box isn’t it? No, she put that in herself. Has a bit of a green thumb that one. Yes there are lizards in her plants. Do you have a problem with that?

No this isn’t a Czarina’s room, it’s Peg099’s place! Beautiful, really. It does look like it’s from another place and time. Some place a long time ago where love was more simple but at the same time more complicated. Yes, it is a bit frilly perhaps, a bit overdone, but it is her vacation spot now, isn’t it? She has an eye for beauty, she often finds it with her camera lens, though does she really know how much of the beauty is actually inside the one peering into the camera?

We have to open this next door slowly or all of the little furry inhabitants will escape and the last time that happened chaos ensued. Fun chaos, mind you, but chaos nonetheless. Aha! You’ve already guessed it’s Catcareman’s abode. Yes, it’s true, every nook and cranny is filled with cats. There’s room for him too, and his desk, filled with handmade paper and fine writing instruments. Beautiful man using beautiful words. What’s not to like about that? The fire is already crackling, inviting, really.

Next is Pos65’s room. No it’s not messy! It’s actually quite ordered in here. She keeps the books here *motioning along one wall* and over here *motioning along the next wall* and over here, too *motioning about the rest of the room*. But it’s quiet here, a good place to reflect and recover from the busy life she has. No, we don’t allow the boys to track mud in here. This is her place.

Let’s slip off to one of the other floors, shall we? I don’t really categorize all people by floors. In fact, the rooms seem to change around as often as the moods of their inhabitants. Some days I’ll find I have a one floor habitat as all the rooms form one long hall and all of the inhabitants are running between rooms doing whatsis and whatnots. One day, we cooks a huge meal and each person put one dish out. Several clowns just put out mints, one lady put out a bowl of condoms but most everyone cooked a little something and we had a huge buffet. Other days the house forms itself, a la Harry Potter into a multi-storied monstrosity with staircases and hidden rooms. It really does have a mind of it’s own.

Curious_girl inhabits this next room. Curious, isn’t it? You can almost see her sparkling personality and whirlwind like curiosity displayed in the colors and textures. Really suits her, this room. She studies a lot but there’s a bright sunny window to illuminate the text as well as her mind. The bed? Well, I’m not sure what all those straps are for but I expect it’s some kind of learning tool, don’t you? I thought you might. I like that girl’s brain. Who knows what she’ll be someday but we will all stand in awe.

Sabete2002 is next on the rooms with a view. Lovely set of rooms actually. This is her formal sitting room, though formal isn’t a word I would use completely. Something about tea and companionship and talking and relaxing. The door over there leads to her bedroom. NO, you can’t go in there, it’s private!

Stop trying to peek, come look at Angelpoet’s room! Yes, it is as beautiful as she is. You can certainly tell she treasures her friends though, seems as if there’s a little bit of everyone here – artwork and such. She’s proud of us all. Yes, her bed is very comfortable. So soft as to encourage a good night’s sleep whenever one chooses – and to encourage the dreams of joy and happiness. Oh of course it’s used for other things but we don’t need to know everything about our guests now do we?

Tantalus’ room is our next stop. How would you describe this room? Like a science project blew up? That about covers it doesn’t it. How does one make science look so sexy? I think that’s /supposed/ to look like a regular chair but I suspect he does most of his evil plotting in that chair. Do hotteas ever come sit in his lap while he plots the downfall of… what does he plot the downfall of? Don’t get me sidetracked, I’m sure he thinks much better with a hottea on his lap.

Another T, Tyym vacations in this room. He seems to be very hard at work becoming a Tyym of all trades, between the singing and the cooking and the traveling and wrapping himself in shiny stuff. Where does he find time to relax? Perhaps this one relaxes by staying busy.

Lacedwithhope stays here when she needs a respite from her busy life. It seems she always busy doing something so her room here is filled with calming earthtones and accented with vibrant textural patterns. I believe some days they say it’s calmest in the eye of the storm and that may be where you find Laced.

Ciao_eh also has a room here on this floor. She’s another one of our Canadian wonders. Her wit can stop a train you know! We keep her room neat and simple. When she’s here, she lights up the place with her charm.

Whitetip has an unusual room , don’t you like the monkey wallpaper? Whoever thought monkey wallpaper could be so classy. I always make sure she has fresh bananas too!

Let us go again, then, to another floor of delightful people.

No, dear, I can’t tell you why the door is wrapped in tin foil. It’s Meg731’s room. She’s a little new here but seems to fit in so very well. No, no bed in here, just that trampoline. No, no, I can’t figure it out either. She seems happy with it though. There’s also a huge bathtub, maybe she sleeps in there. I set out a number of essential oils and bath fizzy balls and other assorted bath toys then I laid in a fleet of rubber duckies. I do hope she’s pleased.

I know this area is beginning to look a bit industrial but this is also the same floor where we keep some of our most prized possessions.

This door, no, silly goose that’s not a peace sign though our resident from San Francisco does seem to excude the hippy dippy upon occasion whether he knows it or not. The symbol, of course, is the Mercedes logo that lets you know you have stumbled upon 6dle899’s abode away from abode. His room also overlooks the paddock so he can see a small grassy area where we keep his pet llama, Britney. His accommodations, while very plain are immediately given quite the classy sheen when he is amongst them.

Next to 6dle is dlc872, good mind, good man. Though if I said ‘Nice house, good tea’ I almost believe he’d know the origin of the quote. If not, someone around these parts will. I count on dlc (and 6dle) to always have my ‘six’ when it comes to dealing with moonbats.

Tweet37 also houses on this floor. I’m not necessary sure what he’s doing all the time but I believe it to be inherently good and well intended. He may spend time at the on site garage doing whatnots to whoknows but he makes it look good so we’ve decided to keep him.

I put Aussie_devilette’s room out here with these great minds so that she can keep them on their toes and off her toes. Ads room has a spa like atmosphere so she can recharge after a hard day of thinking and unwind so she can tell it like it is all evening.

DreamingofAtlantis’ room is out here as well because his room is more like a ballroom. Lord of the Prance he is, I want him to have lots of room to move around in and to hone his dancing skills. The sound system is acoustically perfect because as we all know, the music is the key.

I guess this area is beginning to look a bit like the gentleman bachelor’s quarters with this next room belonging to PY. His room is tropically themed and I’ve put in a small but well stocked bar in the corner for boozing up the hotties. The rest of the surroundings are tropical and lush, lots of live plants and plenty of color. We also do his laundry while he’s here because we got tired of him wearing these oddly salmon pink colored clothes all the time.

The roof? Yes, the roof has an occupant, though I’ve enclosed his room so the elements don’t get him. DennisWisconsin is up here. Why does he only have a hardhat and a toolbelt in his closet? I couldn’t tell you. I do know the man is inordinantly proud of his feet. Weird one, that.

This last floor is a little more dormitory style. While the rooms are richly appointed, the inhabitants do not necessarily spend as much time here for a number of reasons, all of those reasons are good ones and we love them all and their peculiarities and celebrate their individuality.

The first wing on this floor is for the ladies:

Suzanne Backowski is here, walking her cat on a leash.

Japaneseblueeyes drop in from time to time always eating something weird.

Teacherlady comes by between classes.

Lookingforward has a gun rack in her room.

Faira brighens up the places considerably.

Simplegirl is always wearing some dividine jewelry creation of hers.

Luvnushooz is always rocking out to some one hit wonder band!

Talldrinkofwater is standing around being tall and hot!

Lynnabell has a secret!

S2S is too new and has fabulous hair!

Statgamer is wavering between lace and flannel!

Lizard47 is collecting hotties.

EMTZ is missing in action, hope it’s mostly action!

Shulamit makes brainy things sexy!

Justkateagain is busy smelling like sex.

Multitask is far far away and much much adored!

Landstar59 making with the silly.

Zena is learning how to post pictures!

Cindy_Lou_Who always brings the cheerful smiles!

Kyra has Kahlua in the pocket of her robe!

Victoria J we’ll leave the light on!

Yeoww need a cat for her Chihuahua!

JSbach will melt your heart.

and many many more!

The second wing on this floor is for the gentlemen:

Zenmerlin may secretly live in the spanking room.

Bikerbeagle looks good in that crisp, white shirt.

Deadtroll is enjoying his new home.

Illustrator likes milk!

Rogerlee5 is still trying to find out how many rules there are and what they mean.

Wedesignourlives has successfully made David Blaine disappear, may he continue to do so in 2009.

Gr8guy2008 may marry the world’s tallest woman and be blissfully happy.

Kestral can just stand around and look hot.

Alebizzar too new to be categorized!

Cyclist Steve could be rolling into a town near you!

Glider_Pilot is taking all questions and giving them considerable thought.

and many many more!

Thanks for stopping by Santa. And of course I enjoyed giving you the tour. Now that you know a little bit more about these people I know that you can bring them what they may not know they need this year. Drive safely tonight! Give my love to the elves and Mrs. Claus!!

merry merry y'all -- Kirsten a.k.a. LiT