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40 Something Will someone please tell those kids in the thirty somethings group to stop partying and to please quiet down? Thank you! :P

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Aryianna Aryianna is offline
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I'm not sure if my initial post went through, so I'm posting this again. Please ignore, if it's a duplicate. Thank you!


Hello all. I am new to this group.


I'm posting, because I feel rather lonely. I'm 47 years old and still single! Though, I have been married twice civilly (annulled in both cases in the Catholic church) and have had a quite a number of relationships, obviously none of them have been successful, because here I am, still single at the end! Fortunately, I have no children, as that may complicate my life in terms of still being in touch with an ex.


I've had such a bad foundation in terms or role model for family life and that of a father/husband, that I think I've really made very poor choices in mates. I would really like to overcome this problem and hope that one day I can settle into a decent relationship with a man, but at this age, I'm beginning to lose my confidence.


Isn't it a bit difficult to be dating at this age? Where do you find decent men, available men in the same age group who are interested in marriage?


Anyway, I'd like to hear your thoughts.


Aryianna
- October 26th, 2008, 03:49 am
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Shelista Shelista is offline
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Aryianna, I feel your pain. We have a lot in common. While I'm still single after eight years I would like to first of all say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. There may be a reason that you're still single that has much more to do with what's best for you instead of what you want. What if this is a special gift of time you have that allows you to devote yourself to yourself? What have you always wanted to do that life has prevented you from doing?


There are worse things than being single. One of them is being with the wrong person.


Love yourself. Look after yourself. Trust that what you want is on its way to you as we speak (because you know it is).
- October 27th, 2008, 03:56 pm
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wyldf1owr wyldf1owr is offline
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I would like to begin by saying "there is nothing wrong with you". I can personally tell you that because I hold the worlds record on most loosers dated in a life time (lol). I have come the conclusion (after my many bad choices in men)that it is better to be alone and lonely than to be with someone and lonely because my peace of mind is better than no mind at all. I haven't given up nor do I plan to. I will someday meet the right one, until then I can wait. You are happier than you realize and the right person will add to your happiness when the time is right for both of you. Good luck and please don't think it's you.
- November 2nd, 2008, 04:13 pm
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holyghostgirl holyghostgirl is offline
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Ariyanna-Let me ditto what has already been said. There is nothing wrong with you. Good people can make bad choices based on learned behaviors. This is your time of self assesment, expansion and rest. Enjoy it and time spent withyour genuine self. Many times we repeat old patterns learned early. The only way to break a pattern is to fiqure out what it is first.


You say you've had quite a few relationships. Can you list the common traits of these men? What attracted you to them? Did they say why the relationships ended for their point of view? Why are you looking for a relationship? love, friendship, marriage? Do you really want a long term thing or a companion? Are you looking for validation, attentionand approval? It's hard for us 40+ gals in this youth obssesed society to feel attractive some days.


I know plenty of guys your age who aren't married and frankly you'd be better off without them. But if youn insist,I find that there are really nice guys taking up pew space most Sunday mornings. Mass may be your happy hunting ground (so to speak).


Whatever you do, don't give up on love and don't give up on you!
- November 5th, 2008, 03:06 pm
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Aryianna Aryianna is offline
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Thank you for all the encouraging words. I'm hanging in there (I have no choice). I haven't been single in a while. I've been involved in "serial" realtionships.


Indeed, this is a good time to reflect and not act to hastily. That has been my problem in the past -- my fear of loneliness and uncomfortability towards it has influenced me to settle for the wrong people, thus causing harm far beyond loneliness.


I will continue to post. Thank you for having this forum.
- November 20th, 2008, 12:33 am
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Hachimitsu Hachimitsu is offline
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Girl: Don't be sad or feel sorry for yourself. Be strong and love and know yourself. Perhaps there isn't one right person out there that you have met just yet.


I turned 46 this past Monday, and had 2 marriages and neither for love! Dated and had numerous relationships more than 3 years, yet still single. Just as of April of this year, I've met a great guy on eH, but still, we had our 2nd fight this week and it may not last more than next month! But I will move on and continue my interesting and exciting life. I am healthy, smart, fit, 2 lovely big goofy dogs, and with many different and interesting hobbies. I have a few great friends around me and my mother is healthy, I think I am doing fine without a man to tell me that he loves me and care for me. It sure is nice to be with some one, but you should never HAVE to be with a person.


Be yourself, love and know yourself, then others will follow. Don't worry about the age, when it happens it pours!!!!


Take care, I wish you meet the right person sooner than later, in the mean time, enjoy your life to the fullest!
- November 21st, 2008, 01:22 am
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DianaInHouston DianaInHouston is offline
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I have to agree with those who posted before me. A partner enhances your life, he does not become your life. Go on, be all that you want to be and when "it" happens it will be something that finds you a better person because of your travels.


Whether you find that other person or not, you have to be happy with yourself.
- December 30th, 2008, 07:46 pm
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