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40 Something Will someone please tell those kids in the thirty somethings group to stop partying and to please quiet down? Thank you! :P

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zenmerlin zenmerlin is offline
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I am posting this here because I am interested in what people in this age group think.

I tend to be somewhat shy; I tend to be a good listener. Ok here it is we are at an online dating site I’m not sure what the rules are. Personally I would be very flattered and open to have a woman take some interest in me and start the ball rolling.

So I am wondering do women feel comfortable taking the first step?

As I was writing this I had the idea that I am shy, my match is shy how will we ever meet??????

Cupid help, please intervene.

- October 18th, 2008, 04:16 pm
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strawberry123 strawberry123 is offline
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Yes, men should make the first move because I am very shy and even if I wasn't I would feel uncomfortable making the first move (this my personal preference). As a woman it also lets me know the person is interested in me.
- October 18th, 2008, 06:21 pm
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zana zana is offline
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I like men to make the first move.....


But in saying that, generally, I give plenty of very clear signs that I am into a man.... so it is not too hard for him to make a move....


I have realised that men are not as subtle as women, so in order to show my interest, I need to make it clear for them to do something....


I'm too much of a chicken to make the very first move.... :P
- October 18th, 2008, 08:32 pm
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mtw mtw is offline
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Based on how you phrased your op, I'm assuming you are talking about on eH and not real life. After spending entirely too much time here on eHA, several ideas have sunk in for me:





You are paying to do this, so try to get your money's worth. Your matches don't "know" you, if you make the first move and they aren't interested, it is not personal. Way too many people are waiting for the other person to make the first move. Remember that there are a substantial number of non-paying profiles so if you don't get any response or even a close, it is possible that they cannot respond (they have to join first) or they may not even be seeing your communication- they may have done the profile, decided not to join and never turned off matching.





I (a female) have had very few matches make the first move. I have sent first questions to some, but as a female that is still tough to do. If you want to find a special woman, try being the one to send the first communication and let her flatter you in other ways later in the relationship. The guided communication makes it pretty easy, even if you're shy.
- October 18th, 2008, 09:10 pm
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YES, men should make the first move. I love it when a guy is strong enough to send questions, ask a woman out. It's not like it's marriage. It is just geting know the other person.
- October 18th, 2008, 09:34 pm
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peg099 peg099 is offline
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I have absolutely no problem making the first move - especially on an online dating site. However, based on the responses so far, I seem to be in the minority. So you're probably better off intitiating contact with anyone you're interested in. What's the worst that could happen? Nothing comes of it? In that case you're no worse off than if you hadn't tried. (btw, this is the exact same reasoning I use for initiating communication myself)
- October 19th, 2008, 02:49 am
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zana zana is offline
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My response was for real life...


On the net, I have no problem making the first move... as Peg099 says -- you have nothing to lose anyway, as you dont really know the person and they dont know you... the rejection isnt so bad as it is in real life :P
- October 19th, 2008, 03:00 am
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zenmerlin zenmerlin is offline
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Thank you ladies for your input I suspected that this was true. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. It looks fairly unanimous, so any men that happen to be reading this start typing, start talking there are many who await and desire to hear from you.

Thank you once again this has been very helpful.

- October 19th, 2008, 12:44 pm
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missthang missthang is offline
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I have had some pretty bad experiences making the first move. I just don't anymore. I believe I have such a strong personality, a man who could not make the first move would probably not work out with me in the long run.


My mom wants to sign me up to eharmony. I will let her maybe in 2009. If she pays for it and I just do a profile...I doubt I will be chatting up any men unless they chat up me first.


I don't care if I am old-fashioned ... it just seems to be it is always better to let the guy chase.


I am teaching my nephews this...they KNOW they need to make the first move and pay for dates too! I just gave a nephew 60 bucks for his birthday and told him to ask out the gir he likes since he now has the money to take her out (he is 16). I told him I would be proud of him for asking her out.


He is horribly shy as everyone in my familly is..but he has a pushy aunt to get him over the hurdle.
- October 19th, 2008, 09:50 pm
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jayhawkgirl jayhawkgirl is offline
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Yes, I think the guy needs to make the first move. From my experience it sets the tone for the whole relationship. (Not saying this is right or that it should be this way; it'sjust how it seems to work.)
- October 19th, 2008, 09:58 pm
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