The nature of physical affection

Hi JenJen,

I personaly don't beleive this is a gender specific issue. It is different for each person individualy. I also don't know if your reffering to "influence" the way I thing you might be. I'll give you some input based on some possibilities.
One example : My sister In law is not a real effectionate person. She like some effection, but not the same level as her EX- husband. He used to hug her and Kiss her when she was cooking or doing dishes, and she would push him away. ( she did it nicely unless she was getting irritated. which did often happen, if he didn't stop)

2nd example: My Ex - husband liked lots of effection, but feared P.D. A.( public display of affection) for most of our marriage. He did get over that eventualy so that we enjoyed an equal desire of effection whether in public or private.

As far as "influence", I beleive that our relationships are influenced by some needs of effection and whether there is any satisfaction received in that area. Even in our freindships. If a huggy person is in emotional crisses, a huggy person NEEDS a freeking HUG! So...... A non huggy person can provide that, or send the needy person elswhere for it BY simply not providing it. A non huggy person, may crave affection in a different way. MY daughter for example, gives me hug coupons which I use sparingly,(out of respect for her feelings)
yet she LOVES me to rub her feet a certain way. So... we have an understanding that works for both of us. I do also enjoy rubbing her feet, and she does mine.

Some people aren't feet people, and you couldn't get a foot rub coupon if you begged for it. My daughter is very particular about the feet she touches, so it is a privelage. It's funny because she grew up watching me rub her fathers feet, and he has nice feet.

I like to be held and hugged or rubbed, but the so-called comfort tap drives me MAD. My kids know NOT to tap me for any reason. A close freind of mine has had to be told a couple of times, he can rub my shoulder, but STOP TAPPING ME.

Communicating and experimenting with types of touching per individual makes a great difference in relationships.

If I have tottaly misunderstood your question please let me know.

See you in the threads!

Lisa