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JennJenn JennJenn is offline
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JennJenn I'm an ensemble player, not a soloist!

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blessedinNC wrote: "The desires are normal - but we can either take a step back (figuratively and literally) and try to keep them under control - or we can feed them. That's where we get into trouble. Once we start entertaining these thoughts we get into lust. If we encourage our partner to also lust - we are encouraging a fellow Christian to sin, and we are creating a stumbling block for our Christian sibling.
I know it isn't easy - but if we could just remember that first and foremost we are brothers and sisters in Christ who should be encouraging each other to grow in our spiritual walk - not tempting each other to sin - we'd be a lot better off.
I'm sure most people would read this and think I'm being unrealistic - but God wouldn't ask us to do it if He wasn't there ready, willing, and able to give us the strength to do His will."


Me: Amen sister! You really got a good point in there! Well actually two really good points. Keep it up girl! We can defeat all temptations when we have God's help. There is nothing man can accomplish on his own for he still needs the air provided so that his lungs can breathe. He still needs the blessing of life to take in the air. Only God gives us the moments we have.
- March 2nd, 2009, 08:14 pm
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ActionSoftGuy ActionSoftGuy is offline
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JennJenn, wrote :


I wanted to start this debate with you all because I think it's interesting to hear/read other people's opinions and Scripture references that they can bring to the table. It should help us singles grow in understanding of God's love for us and hopefully help us wait for the plan God has for us.


Where are the lines drawn in a relationship before you go too far?


What does the Bible say about crossing boundaries?


How do humanistic view compare with Biblical truth?


Wow yeah, there's a lot one could say here. A lot of scriptures one could go to.


Let me not take the obvious routes and instead go with something a little more obscure:





Romans 14:5-8"One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind." [SNIP]





The concept here is that in terms of gray areas (areas scripture does not address directly, such as whether holding hands, kissing, cuddling, .... you get the idea... are okay...) each man must be *absolutely convinced* that it's okay *before God* for him to do that thing. This is a hard lesson I learned one of my relationships. I did some things I was hesitant to do, but I couldn't explain why I was hesitant, or why it was wrong. Looking back on it, I realize the holy spirit was convicting my conscience, saying "Dude, this isn't a good idea!!!" but since I couldn't explain what was wrong with it, I allowed myself to be convinced to do it.


Second: if the person you are dating is hesitant to do something, it is *sinful* for you to try to get them to do it:





1 Cor. 8:9-13, esp vs. 9, makes it quite clear that if a brother in Christ is weak in some area, we should not do that thing around him, even if our own conscience allows us to do it, because if it causes our brother to stumble (do something his conscience does *not* let him do), we are sinning.





Okay, I'm done with my "unusual addition" to this conversation. I'll end with the usual that you've probably heard many times before:


I've heard pastors say that dating couples are always asking them how far they can do. How far is "too far." But that's the wrong question. The question is "God, how can I honor and glorify you in everything I do?" If you ask that question about everything, and listen to your conscience, and the conscience of the person you're dating, *and* your conscience hasn't already been seared by sin, and you're well-informed by scripture so that you can think biblically, then you should be in a good place.








- March 21st, 2009, 10:40 pm
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ActionSoftGuy ActionSoftGuy is offline
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blessedinNC wrote :

Once we start entertaining these thoughts we get into lust. If we encourage our partner to also lust - we are encouraging a fellow Christian to sin, and we are creating a stumbling block for our Christian sibling.
I know it isn't easy - but if we could just remember that first and foremost we are brothers and sisters in Christ who should be encouraging each other to grow in our spiritual walk - not tempting each other to sin - we'd be a lot better off.
Excellent post.


I have been given advice by a wise elder that while dating, I'm dating a person who is potentially someone else's wife -- so behave in an appropriate way with that in mind.
- March 21st, 2009, 10:44 pm
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JennJenn JennJenn is offline
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ActionSoftGuy wrote :

I've heard pastors say that dating couples are always asking them how far they can do. How far is "too far." But that's the wrong question. The question is "God, how can I honor and glorify you in everything I do?" If you ask that question about everything, and listen to your conscience, and the conscience of the person you're dating, *and* your conscience hasn't already been seared by sin, and you're well-informed by scripture so that you can think biblically, then you should be in a good place.

I like that new question! Excellent post. Also great post on the wise elder about "You could be dating someone else's potential spouse." Great insight!
- March 22nd, 2009, 08:47 pm
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1 Cor. 8:9-13, esp vs. 9, makes it quite clear that if a brother in Christ is weak in some area, we should not do that thing around him, even if our own conscience allows us to do it, because if it causes our brother to stumble (do something his conscience does *not* let him do), we are sinning.

Great point - and well worth remembering in the context of dating. We could easily find ourselves in a situation where one person could experience a certain amount of physical closeness which they perceive as affection, but the other person might be having a real struggle in that same situation. I think it is important to be honest with the people that we date about where our personal "lines" need to be drawn - and that we take responsibility for our own actions in not creating a stumbling block. Thanks for adding the supporting scripture!
- March 24th, 2009, 08:08 pm
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JennJenn JennJenn is offline
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Great points! I'm gonna start another thread on kissing.


Really as Christians we should be mindful of our Brothers and Sisters. It is important that we do not place a stumbling block in their path. We are called to lift up and encourage each other. The best encouragement that any of us can receive is a solid "No." when dealing with affection that might go too far. A solid "No." doesn't mean that you don't love the other person, rather it is saying I love you enough not to take this to a place where we will displease God.


Pretty powerful stuff!
- March 24th, 2009, 08:29 pm
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ActionSoftGuy ActionSoftGuy is offline
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JennJenn wrote :

The best encouragement that any of us can receive is a solid "No." when dealing with affection that might go too far. A solid "No." doesn't mean that you don't love the other person, rather it is saying I love you enough not to take this to a place where we will displease God.
This reminds me that the other person won't always be understanding -- they may take "no" as "I don't like you." But if we've done our best to explain that this isn't the case, that's their problem at that point.


I've made the mistake in the past of letting other's feelings take priority over my own conscience... i.e. if something will hurt their feelings, I avoid that at all costs. But that's the sin of fearing man instead of fearing God.
- March 25th, 2009, 06:56 pm
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JennJenn wrote :
Great input guys! I was hoping to inspire some debate on what can be one of the hardest issues in Christian living today...the sanctity of marriage.


As Christians we are commanded to wait until marriage. So how come is it so difficult to abstain from the one you love? Well, by God's grace and power we can, despite what the world says. Some of us, including me, need a lot of prayer, grace, and strength to resist the temptations.


The marriage bed should be a place of honor without being defiled because marriage reflects our relationship with God. It is a love that honors. It is a choice to please God by submitting to His will. It is a choice to uphold His statutes and design for our lives. Likewise, we must do that for our future spouse.


I agree with Winn. This is a topic that needs to be discussed with the future spouse. Holyghost Girl has good points too. Perhaps this really is three threads. Yet, doesn't God set "boundaries" for us? Where we are freed from man's law by Jesus' sacrifice, are we not bound by God's law as believers?


God's law is that we wait for marriage so that He might intensely bless us. I broke that law for the first time in January. I almost lost the relationship because it provided a "barrier" between my man and myself. We are gradually getting back to the Spiritual connection that we shared before the act of selfishness. Fortunately there are a few states between us to hold the physical relationship at bay. As a woman of faith, I am praying that God takes away the physical desire until marriage, and rekindles and intensifiesthe Spiritual desire along with emotional chemistry.


I agree with Tim and Beverly LaHaye, Dr. Ed Wheat, and Gary Smalley that the "act of marriage" should only occur within marriage. Any other way, it is just a "self" act without regard or honor to the other person.
You can add Zig Ziglar to that list.
- June 28th, 2009, 10:45 am
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