macroman is offline macroman Post #1  February 17,2008, 4:13pm
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I have noticed that every person I have start communications with that didnt have a photo posted (3 as of now) were overweight when they revealed themselves. I dont understand why people do this. If someone thinks that a person would too hastily judge them for their looks what do they think will happen when they finally have to reveal this. It seems like it would be more important to start off with all things in the open.
 
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faintchimes is offline faintchimes Post #2  February 19,2008, 8:14am
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I'm not overweight. I just am tired of meeting men who are attracted to me solely for my looks.
 
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MW77009 is offline MW77009 Post #3  February 19,2008, 9:29am
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Its the same issue for people who lie about their age, post ancient photos etc... Why would you conceal this when you know its going to be a deal breaker? I consider people who do this to be deceptive.
 
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EverythingsEventual is offline EverythingsEventual Post #4  February 19,2008, 9:48am
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It's not solely about looks just like it's not solely about personality. In any other aspect of dating the very first thing you know about someone is how they look. Men and Women (especially women) have to feel that chemistry, that attraction. I won't judge someone solely on their picture but if there isn't one I find that deceptive and misleading - it is part of the equation. A bigger part for some than others but an important part non the less. If you are ashamed of how you look then do something about it and if you are ok with it then don't wait to reveal your pictures.
 
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foreversearching is offline foreversearching Post #5  February 19,2008, 6:14pm
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From another perspective . . . I do not post a photo upfront, but it has nothing to do with looks or physical appearance and I am not being deceptive. You are not in control of who you are being matched with. Why would you want just anyone having access to your photo? If you post it upfront, all matches are immediately seeing it whether they are the least bit compatible or not. They can be sharing it with other people you are not even aware of.

With that said, if someone requests communication with me, I immediately make my photo available to them after reading their profile if I think we may be compatible. I do not want to waste either my time or theirs if they are not attracted to me. And more times than not they have hung in there with me until the open communication stage. (At that point most men just leave you hanging and stop responding altogether. I will never understand this, why be on a dating site if you won't follow through and only want to answer canned questions?. It's easy enough just to close out!!). No photo's don't bother me, game playing does!
 
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Patrice is offline Patrice Post #6  February 20,2008, 8:05am
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This has nothing to do with weight, but is a real turnoff.

This participant wrote inhis bio: What was he most passionate about:

My jobs and overcoming my weaknesses. My work is my life after 2 divorces from selfish women. It left me mistrustful of people but I wish to overcome this as well.

Why in the hell would he write this? What a turnoff.....................
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #7  February 20,2008, 9:46am
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foreversearching,62577 wrote :

With that said, if someone requests communication with me, I immediately make my photo available to them after reading their profile if I think we may be compatible. I do not want to waste either my time or theirs if they are not attracted to me. And more times than not they have hung in there with me until the open communication stage. (At that point most men just leave you hanging and stop responding altogether. I will never understand this, why be on a dating site if you won't follow through and only want to answer canned questions?. It's easy enough just to close out!!). No photo's don't bother me, game playing does!
Hi foreversearching,

2comments.

1) You say game playing bothers you. I suspect most guys here would argue that you started playing the "game" as soon as you hid your picture. Hiding your picture *IS* a game. I bet you look at the guy's picture during your first perusal of their profile. How do I know? Its human nature. Can you honestly say you haven't closed a guy out at that first stage because you didn't like how he looked?

Personally I think this game should be stopped by eharmony by simply blocking each party from seeing the other person's picture until it reaches the same threshold for each person. This would stop this unfair game, where I show my picture right away, but my match holds it back till much later. For example, if you set your threshold to show you picture at Stage 4, *all* matches delivered to you would not have pictures shown till that same Stage.

2) If you withhold the picture until Open Communication, you should expect guys to disappear at that point. I am usually willing to play along with matches that hold their picture back, I figure what the heck... The problem is when the picture is finally revealed, its always different than what I was expecting, regardless of the weight, height, etc. And therelies the problem. By hiding the picture till later,us guys start to form our own pictures of what we wantyou tolook like based on your answers, andinevitably we are disappointed.Not because of what you look like, but because of what we THOUGHT you should look like based on your answers. This is why you should just show your picture up front so us guys don't have to make up some sort of picture of you.
 
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Gabriel3653 is offline Gabriel3653 Post #8  February 20,2008, 11:38am
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The answer to all of this is very simple. You can talk about modesty, security or whatever, but the bottom line is unattractive people do not post their photo. Enough said.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #9  February 20,2008, 12:48pm

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This is all fine and good....many attractive people dont post their phote either. Many unnatractive people do post their photos (I have much evidence). I DO post my photo, I just resent the fact that it is obvious that 9 out of 10 men have not read my profile and they waste my time. I've been doing this long enough that I know to post photos and I have to try to find the good guys without putting them through that test (the would they like my personality without realizing I am hot, yeah I just said I am hot). I came to the realization its better to post the photo in the beginning later on. I just understand and defend those who do not, and I WISH there was a way to completley avoid the loser guys that contact me cause they just liked my picture. I hate to say negative things in my profile, as that is a turnoff but most of the time I want to just tell those guys to get lost. The guys who have not filled out their profile, maybe dont have a picture at all, or are an obvious meat head just trolling for a date tonight, or they are just as shallow as can be...actually the list goes on. I have to do EXTRA work on my end because I post pictures. That doesnt' seem to cross the mind of shallow men who just think attractive women are going to think like men....its like the shirtless guys in photos...turns most women off because WE DONT THINK LIKE MEN
 
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fwagner is offline fwagner Post #10  February 20,2008, 2:18pm
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I can understand why some people choose not to post their photos but for me if there is no photo posted I immediately close the match. Why you ask? I would rather close the match right away then get through all the steps get a picture and then tell them im not attracted to them according to their photo. To me that is a little too harsh. I post my photo because I don't have anything to hide, I am who I am.
 
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