No photo posted = overweight ?

I've actually had a couple girls who responded to my photo nudge, then closed me before I could go further into conversation. They were really hot too, so I think they were trying to say "Haha! Look at what you could have had if you weren't such a jerk that you asked to see what I look like"

Despite that I don't start comm without a photo still, because as fwagner said, it sucks to be disappointed in someone's appearance, and to have to close them because of that. I'd rather do it before I get to know the girl at all.

So abashment when are you going to send me your picture?

I have noticed that every person I have start communications with that didnt have a photo posted (3 as of now) were overweight when they revealed themselves. I dont understand why people do this. If someone thinks that a person would too hastily judge them for their looks what do they think will happen when they finally have to reveal this. It seems like it would be more important to start off with all things in the open.

The answer to all of this is very simple. You can talk about modesty, security or whatever, but the bottom line is unattractive people do not post their photo. Enough said.

Hi foreversearching,

2comments.

1) You say game playing bothers you. I suspect most guys here would argue that you started playing the "game" as soon as you hid your picture. Hiding your picture *IS* a game. I bet you look at the guy's picture during your first perusal of their profile. How do I know? Its human nature. Can you honestly say you haven't closed a guy out at that first stage because you didn't like how he looked?

Personally I think this game should be stopped by eharmony by simply blocking each party from seeing the other person's picture until it reaches the same threshold for each person. This would stop this unfair game, where I show my picture right away, but my match holds it back till much later. For example, if you set your threshold to show you picture at Stage 4, *all* matches delivered to you would not have pictures shown till that same Stage.

2) If you withhold the picture until Open Communication, you should expect guys to disappear at that point. I am usually willing to play along with matches that hold their picture back, I figure what the heck... The problem is when the picture is finally revealed, its always different than what I was expecting, regardless of the weight, height, etc. And therelies the problem. By hiding the picture till later,us guys start to form our own pictures of what we wantyou tolook like based on your answers, andinevitably we are disappointed.Not because of what you look like, but because of what we THOUGHT you should look like based on your answers. This is why you should just show your picture up front so us guys don't have to make up some sort of picture of you.

Hi foreversearching,

2comments.

1) You say game playing bothers you. I suspect most guys here would argue that you started playing the "game" as soon as you hid your picture. Hiding your picture *IS* a game. I bet you look at the guy's picture during your first perusal of their profile. How do I know? Its human nature. Can you honestly say you haven't closed a guy out at that first stage because you didn't like how he looked?

Personally I think this game should be stopped by eharmony by simply blocking each party from seeing the other person's picture until it reaches the same threshold for each person. This would stop this unfair game, where I show my picture right away, but my match holds it back till much later. For example, if you set your threshold to show you picture at Stage 4, *all* matches delivered to you would not have pictures shown till that same Stage.

2) If you withhold the picture until Open Communication, you should expect guys to disappear at that point. I am usually willing to play along with matches that hold their picture back, I figure what the heck... The problem is when the picture is finally revealed, its always different than what I was expecting, regardless of the weight, height, etc. And therelies the problem. By hiding the picture till later,us guys start to form our own pictures of what we wantyou tolook like based on your answers, andinevitably we are disappointed.Not because of what you look like, but because of what we THOUGHT you should look like based on your answers. This is why you should just show your picture up front so us guys don't have to make up some sort of picture of you.

Gabrie3653 - very true, sometimes unattractive people don't post their photo, then again sometimes they DO! Not to be harsh, but, I've gotten a few photos that made me cringe, literally! And although I know what I like to look at, I am by NO means picky about the guy needing to look like he's stepped off the pages of a magazine. Attractive comes in many forms. I've also been pleasantly surprised by photos I've gotten that were initially hidden.

5usan, again another across the board comment. There are plenty of confident people, myself included, that don't have their photo out there all the time, for all to see. The fact that I choose instead to share my photo once I, or someone else requests communication rather than prior doesn't have anythign to do with my confidence.

One guy I was matched with here, had a ton of photos posted. We got through open comm. and continued communicating outside eharmony. I came to learn that he had ZERO self-confidence, and that was quite a turn-off.

So.. I think posting a pic or not posting a pic isn't necessary an immediate indication, in ALL instances, that a person is either A) Unattractive or B) not very self-confident. It all goes both ways.

In re: to the must have's of being attractive by today's standards. I always just ask them about that first chance I get, even if it's slipping the q in with another q, or one of my answers. "Today's Standards"?? Does that strike anyone else as being 'Hollywood' like?? While I know I am beautiful and very attractive to a lot fo men, I also know I don't have that "hollywood, movie-star, waltzed out of a magazine' kind of look about me. At teh same time, I figure by then they have seen my picture so obviously if they're still communicating at the point of sending MHCS's they must be interested in what I look like, no?

I can understand why some people choose not to post their photos but for me if there is no photo posted I immediately close the match. Why you ask? I would rather close the match right away then get through all the steps get a picture and then tell them im not attracted to them according to their photo. To me that is a little too harsh. I post my photo because I don't have anything to hide, I am who I am.