flaboy512 is offline flaboy512 Post #101  September 5,2008, 5:21am
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Guys... Take a little breather!!! This site costs money, and there is certainly no reason for gal not to do the initiation! As a guy, I find nothing wrong with a woman that begins communication, in fact it is a compliment. While I might not be too interested in a match, that person may see something in me that interests them, and I may give that match a second look. As far as the "no sucess" thing goes, if somone does not have the time or intrest or respect to close you out or begin communication THEY ARE NOT WORTH WORYYING ABOUT!!! If you met 10 people at a grocery store or party, would you would'nt be upset if all or just a few were interested in you... why be upset on this site? It only takes one!
 
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ohio2735 is offline ohio2735 Post #102  September 5,2008, 5:28am
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I get initiated conversations occasionally. I even initiate if it looks like he isn't going to initiate with me and I am interested in his profile. And, it must be working cuz I've been out on ALOT of eHarmony dates. Some guys have become good friends. Some I've seen for a few months then I see something in them that is a red flag for me and we back away. That's exactly why I don't date exclusively, ever. Well, maybe at some point if I thought a guy was the one. But until then, I don't put all my eggs in one basket. If you do, and you are relationship driven, you will put up with behavior you wouldn't otherwise put up with just to preserve the relationship. My ex had an abusive personality - never again. Today, the quality that attracts me the most is kindness.


As for what interests me in a profile -- guys who shows that they actually have feelings and emotions. Not a guy who says that he couldn't live without coffee, computer, golf clubs, etc. How about you tell me you can't live without your children, your family, your friendships, having someone in you life that you can't wait to share something with that struck you as funny, or sad, or earth-shattering that day. Maybe a guy who says he can't live without compassion and empathy, or without someone to watch a sunset with, or someone who wakes up smiling..... Right Ladies?? Do we all want that or what!!!! If more men realized how sexy women find "emotional intimacy", or if they tried to "fake it til you make it", things would be so much easier. Just because you aren't comfortable with your emotions doesn't mean you can't become comfortable. I know it sounds like alot of work, but........ it's good work....... if you can get it. lol.
 
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flowergirrl77 is offline flowergirrl77 Post #103  September 5,2008, 6:20am
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Gr8Guyn2008,217038 wrote :

Yes this is a very popular topic but we can go over it again, not a problem.


It is fine for the woman to begin communication. Most guys would welcome this and any that would not you really probably would not be interested in anyway. If a guy was put off by the girl starting the communication then he is going to be controlling in all decision making.


Now about your matches not having started communication yet. There could be any number of reasons but the most likely one is that they are not paying members therefore they cannot communicate. Get used to matches that do not communicate, a large percentage of your matches will be non-paying members and will not communicate.


By the way welcome to the Advice boards.
What I have read is that men are born to want to win. They need to chase you & win you. If they're interested they will contact you. If they are not confident enough to contact you then they are not who I want anyway. Men loose interest quickly if they are not the pursuers. I will only ask for a picture. I can't believe how many men hide that. Makes you wonder why? If they don't contact me in a week, I delete them. It's their loss. I don't like this site very much. It has been a waste of my time. I think a lot of these guys are married. Try Yahoo personals. I've met the most normal people on that site.
 
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dore is offline dore Post #104  September 5,2008, 6:46am
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I was one of those free members. I was sent three matches. Two I closed. One was hoping to move to the suburbs/city. I am very much a rural girl. The other mentioned Nascar. Yes, I feel shallow about that, but, it was more ick than click. The third I really liked. I left it open. Joined for a month. At least I got to see pictures that way. He did not initiate conversation. Never even viewed my profile. I let another couple of months go by. No more matches. No communication. I marked his profile as "Very interested" hoping that would inspire him to initiate conversation. Nothing. I joined again and made some changes in my profile. Nothing. Finally I decided that since I was paying for it, I should use it, so I initiated communication. Nothing. Finally on this past free weekend, he did view my profile. No contact. So I guess I assume that A. he is not a paying member (which I am okay with b/c there are free weekends andmatches can exchange contact info then) and B. he isn't interested, which is disappointing. Or he thinks I'm stalking him since I have viewed his profile many times! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-tongue-out.gif[/img]Since I am not receiving floods of matches, being a paying member doesn't seem helpful to me. While I am a non-paying member, I will still be notified if I am matched and if I like the profile, I can join so that we can communicate. Take advantage of the 3 months for the price of one deals. Come on! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-money-mouth.gif[/img]$20 a month. You have it, b/c you haven't been spending it on all those dates you haven't been having, right? LOL


Anyway, that's my theory, and obviously, a very unsuccessful one. I actually enjoy reading these message boards more than being a paying member since just communication with other singles is pretty much the major point.
 
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charlane is offline charlane Post #105  September 5,2008, 7:17am
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CoteDuRhone,217047 wrote :

smichal, wrote :


Just wondering. I bet this topic has been covered a million times. I have 14 matches open right now but none of them have started a conversation. Are they not interested or shy? Is it ok for the woman to start a conversation?


I am new as well, and don't plan on initiating a conversation. If someone is interested, they will. If not, initiation from me will not make a difference.
yes
 
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Tutubicat is offline Tutubicat Post #106  September 5,2008, 8:26am
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This is the 21st century. If you are interested in someone, initiate the communication - otherwise someone else will.
 
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kjvolpe is offline kjvolpe Post #107  September 5,2008, 8:54am
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I find that if I initiate first, the only time I get a response is if he is ok with an assertive, strong woman. And that is a good thing. It weeds the rest out. If he initiates first, that's a complement.


Kathy in Lombard
 
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MattInWI is offline MattInWI Post #108  September 5,2008, 9:59am
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Tutubicat,247793 wrote :

This is the 21st century. If you are interested in someone, initiate the communication - otherwise someone else will.
Exactly. Seriously, nine pages about this?!? If you're INTERESTED then INITIATE the conversation. Guy, girl, whatever...
 
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dana_in_TN is offline dana_in_TN Post #109  September 5,2008, 11:21am

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First - your MATCHES never see that "very interested" stuff - that allegedly is a trigger to the eH computer regarding how you feel about the matches you're getting. I used to check that, but it seemed to make no difference.


Here's my eH story. I joined last July - was off a few weeks at the holidays & rejoined early January. During that time, I met 8-9 people live - had fun, made friends, but no real romance.Was matched withMr. WonderfulinFebruary, but other obligations are pretty big hurdles for him right now. We have parted amicably - who knows - we may try again in a few months. My membership had expired in March, but I've rejoined, and I'm accepting matches again.


How you can tell if it's a non-paying member: it isNOT an exact science, but they almost always don't have a picture, and only have about 4 sections of the profile completed. If the profile is incomplete - I'd wager there's a 99% chance they haven't really joined. Someone who forks over the $$ is probably going to do a COMPLETE profile. If I initiate, I'll give about 2 weeks for response before I close the match. ONE week - they could be on vacation or traveling for biz...I figure if they can't get back in touch within 2 weeks, they either aren't members or they are not interested and are too inconsiderate to just hit the CLOSED button.


The best advice I can give is BE OPEN!!! I've gone out with men WAY outside the demographic & appearence I thought I wanted/needed. And it has been a joyful blessing. The only thing I haven't tried is dating younger.......I just can't picture myself as a cougar!!
 
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CelticDrgn is offline CelticDrgn Post #110  September 5,2008, 11:52am

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Lily13,217061 wrote :

I would like to know more about the comment made concerning some viewers not being registered and unable to communicate.
I would like to know more about the comment made concerning some viewers not being registered and unable to communicate.


To you "newbies" - Welcome! You can sign into eHarmony rather easily on a "free weekend", something that you might have seen advertised on tv. If you don't pay the monthlycharge for the service you can look at the match's "About Me", but not see the photo (if there is one), nor can you contact them.It may seem like they aren't interested, if they don't respond, but have patience, if the right one is out there, s/he will find you.
 
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