The dreaded "premarital sex" question


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theschu is offline theschu Post #1  August 12,2008, 7:03am
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Hey all,


I'm a Christian guy that's waiting until marriage and I'm looking for a woman that's on the same page (past mistakes not taken into consideration). I've met quite a few Christians that don't wait and would like to get this information fairly early on but I'm wondering if the 1st question: "What are your thoughts on premarital sex?" is too personal and pushing people away. Any thoughts?


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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  August 12,2008, 7:15am
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Since this is an "absolute" for you, I suggest noting it in your profile. That way only women who share your perspective will reach out or respond to you. And, if you do ask the premarital sex question, they will view it in the context of your stated beliefs as opposed to a probe about how likely you are to "get some."
 
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babygirllulu is offline babygirllulu Post #3  August 12,2008, 7:18am
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theschu, wrote :

Hey all,


I'm a Christian guy that's waiting until marriage and I'm looking for a woman that's on the same page (past mistakes not taken into consideration). I've met quite a few Christians that don't wait and would like to get this information fairly early on but I'm wondering if the 1st question: "What are your thoughts on premarital sex?" is too personal and pushing people away. Any thoughts?


Peace.
no ! its not in depends what your looking for ! if you so desire not to have sex before marriage that is your choice but its not good for it to be the first question get to know the lady and don't put yourself in a situstion where sex is on the cards and when the time is right tell her if she cares or loves you she would wait.


i am a christian and i would wait for the right partner if he so wished it would make it more special.
 
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marthak is offline marthak Post #4  August 12,2008, 7:33am
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neardc,212302 wrote :

Since this is an "absolute" for you, I suggest noting it in your profile. That way only women who share your perspective will reach out or respond to you. And, if you do ask the premarital sex question, they will view it in the context of your stated beliefs as opposed to a probe about how likely you are to "get some."
I agree completely. In its early days when eH was made up mostly of believing Christians, that question in GC was useful. Now however, there is such a range of people and belief systems that the question can be seen as asking the exact opposite from how it was originally used...as neardc noted.


Meantion it in your profile, then if you wish you can reword the question slightly to more accurately reflect what you are asking.
 
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Larson is offline Larson Post #5  August 12,2008, 7:58am
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"Oh hi there ... Do you like pets? ... Where do you want to go on a Saturday night? ... If you went out to eat with a friend, where'd you go? ... What are your thoughts on premarital sex? [Sound of screeching halt]

It has no place as an initiating question.
 
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theschu is offline theschu Post #6  August 12,2008, 8:08am
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Thanks for the feedback. Larson, what do you think about mentioning it in my profile... will I still get the screeching halt (at least from those folks that agree with me?)
 
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lada is offline lada Post #7  August 12,2008, 8:36am

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it is only premarital sex if you are planning on getting married. Otherwise, it is just sex.
 
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theschu is offline theschu Post #8  August 12,2008, 8:41am
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Thanks, lada, you're so helpful...and yes, I'm planning on getting married.
 
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Sarah is offline Sarah Post #9  August 12,2008, 8:59am
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Maybe rather than saying you'd wait for marriage (which may rule out some good Christian matches for you). Say you want to wait until you are in a serious committed relationship before sex. I'd take the focus off of the premarital part and concentrate on getting to know your match in all the ways that count and cross that bridge when you get to it. Otherwise you may get closed out because of that stance. It's all in how you word or "don't word things".


Don't "say anything just let your actions do the talking and maybe wait till you meet someone get to GC with them, talk about other things. Nobody likes absolutes, it's too stifling.
 
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theschu is offline theschu Post #10  August 12,2008, 9:06am
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I like absolutes...maybe, I'm too stifling...or maybe I'll meet somebody that matches me and we can stifle the world together
 
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