The dreaded "premarital sex" question


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
brokerbabe is offline brokerbabe Post #81  August 21,2008, 3:52pm
brokerbabe's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2008

Gunnison, CO

Posts: 11

See profile



Hi Theschu! I ask the prelmarital sexonein the first set of questions every time. If a guy answersthat he's fine withsex outside marriagethen I close him immediately. This is one sure way to tell if we have similar beliefs aboutliving life for Christ.
 
  Reply With Quote
KML63 is offline KML63 Post #82  August 21,2008, 4:29pm
KML63's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2008

Chandler, Az.

Posts: 4

See profile



Hi, this is an important issue to me too. I am a 45 yr old divorced Christian woman who wishes to abstain until marriage. Not that I have alwayskept that in the past, but I have learned that it wasn't worth it. So, I ,too, want to meet like minded matches, but I am unsure about bringing it up too soon. Thus far, I have saved it for within the first couple of dates and before things get hot and tempting. Usually we close out before then for some other reason, so if we make it to a couple dates, we should have been talking enough to have some idea of what our values are and be able to talk about it.


I think if you bring it up too soon there is less room for discussion. Sometimes when you can discuss your reasons and your beliefs and the benefits, someone who might otherwise have closed you may say "Hmmm, that makes sense. Let me rethink this."
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #83  August 21,2008, 4:33pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile



Since this is a (relatively) safe place to ask people's opinions...I'd like to take this opportunity to ask a question to those who believe premarital sex is a sin. My question is this: I know you read in the Bible that premarital sex is a sin....but WHY do you think it is? Is it just a matter that God has decided to say it is....and that he might have also arbitrarily decided that sex before marriage wasn't a sin? Or, do you think that there's some reason(s) why premarital sex is unhealthy for us....and so God calls this a sin for our own good? Some other reason? I'm honestly interested to hear what your perspective of this is. Thanks.
 
  Reply With Quote
AngelM is offline AngelM Post #84  August 21,2008, 4:44pm
AngelM's Avatar

really wishes she could go to the Louvre!

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2008

Atlanta, GA

Posts: 6

See profile

Sarah,212392 wrote :

Maybe rather than saying you'd wait for marriage (which may rule out some good Christian matches for you). Say you want to wait until you are in a serious committed relationship before sex. I'd take the focus off of the premarital part and concentrate on getting to know your match in all the ways that count and cross that bridge when you get to it. Otherwise you may get closed out because of that stance. It's all in how you word or "don't word things".


Don't "say anything just let your actions do the talking and maybe wait till you meet someone get to GC with them, talk about other things. Nobody likes absolutes, it's too stifling.
I agree with Sarah. Post something on your profile, but make the statement a little more soft, if you are willing to. What ifsomeone is not currently wanting to wait for marriage, but they would be open to the concept based on the relationship they buildwith someone? There are allot of women out there who haven't made their minds up on this issue, ya know?


As for asking the question during guided communication - please don't! I've been SO embarassed by having to answer that question.Even if the question was asked during general communication with the best intentions, it would bother some women. Some of us are a little more - I don't know the word. I would feel intruded upon and maybe intimidatedif someone asked me something that is so intimate before they'd even met me face to face. Perhaps I do wish to wait for marriage - that's not the business of every man eHarmony matches me with is it?


As far as putting it on your profile, I do agree with Sarah. Sharing your value system is a must.


Angel
 
  Reply With Quote
diane91362 is offline diane91362 Post #85  August 21,2008, 4:47pm
diane91362's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 2

See profile

Well, if it's pushing people away, perhaps you would want them to be pushed away! I would welcome that kind of question from someone if I shared the same feelings about it as they did (which, I do).

God's blessings in your search! Don't settle!
 
  Reply With Quote
glogirl123 is offline glogirl123 Post #86  August 21,2008, 4:50pm
glogirl123's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2008

california

Posts: 8

See profile

theschu, wrote :

Hey all,


I'm a Christian guy that's waiting until marriage and I'm looking for a woman that's on the same page (past mistakes not taken into consideration). I've met quite a few Christians that don't wait and would like to get this information fairly early on but I'm wondering if the 1st question: "What are your thoughts on premarital sex?" is too personal and pushing people away. Any thoughts?


Peace.
I admire the respect you have for yourself. There is nothing wrong with saving yourself for marriage. It makes it much more special between two people and during your dating you can concentrate on each other's needs and desires without having it clouded with sex thoughts. Relationships in my opinion are never the same after you do the proverbial "jump into bed" it's like you want each other for your sinful lust and not in the way God intended you to be together. I respect the guy more that doesn't pressure me about sex. I wish there were more guys out there like yourself.
 
  Reply With Quote
A-L is offline A-L Post #87  August 21,2008, 4:57pm
A-L's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2007

New Orleans, LA

Posts: 159

See profile



Jayjay, I'll answer your question for myself.


When I was in middle school my family attended a Southern Baptist church where it was firmly knocked into my head that premarital sex was totally taboo (they were proponents of no touching beneath the neck). While in college I began examining my position more closely and I developed my current reasoning. Basically, I believe in marriage as something that is sacred and special and should only happen once (barring death or abuse). Marriage, as the divorce statistics show, is not easy. It requires patience, understanding, discipline, and commitment (among other things). Holding off on sex helps to build these qualities.


Also, it helps to show that marriage is special. So many people will sleep together and then break up and it's no big deal. People move in with each other (living together for years) and then break up, and it's not a problem. Unfortunately, many people come to think of marriage as living together with a big huge party as a bonus, and think that if things don't work out then they can just break up (divorce). By holding off on sex until marriage, it shows that the marriage is unique and can't be thrown off easily. It also helps build an incredibly strong bond between the couple that they share with no one else in the world. The oxytocin for the women is (allegedly) extraordinarily strong, creating an intense bond toward her sexual partner. And though I don't know if there's a male equivalent, I only want to be that bonded with my husband.


So basically I'm holding off on sex because I want an incredibly strong bond with my spouse that is reserved for marriage, and to help build in both of us the qualities that will be necessary for a happy and lasting relationship. I think God had much of this in mind in regards to the biblical teachings. Also, it's an excellent STD preventative. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]
 
  Reply With Quote
dunnerbug is offline dunnerbug Post #88  August 21,2008, 4:59pm
dunnerbug's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2008

Decatur, AL

Posts: 10

See profile

jayjay,226478 wrote :

Since this is a (relatively) safe place to ask people's opinions...I'd like to take this opportunity to ask a question to those who believe premarital sex is a sin. My question is this: I know you read in the Bible that premarital sex is a sin....but WHY do you think it is? Is it just a matter that God has decided to say it is....and that he might have also arbitrarily decided that sex before marriage wasn't a sin? Or, do you think that there's some reason(s) why premarital sex is unhealthy for us....and so God calls this a sin for our own good? Some other reason? I'm honestly interested to hear what your perspective of this is. Thanks.
First I feel "God said it that settles it", but I also feel everytime you have sex you give a part of youself away. When you're married "two become one" Sex is fun and I love it, but why ruin it by making it just a casual thing to do with anyone at anytime. God made it a special thing to enjoy and I can wait on His timing for me. Something this special and enjoyable is worth waiting for.


I don't feel it is the unpardonable sin and any mistake is forgivable. God wants whats best for us and having sex even with someone we "love" before marriage can cause a lot of regrets later.


just my opinion
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #89  August 21,2008, 5:10pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

dunnerbug,226519 wrote :

First I feel "God said it that settles it"
dunnerbug: would I be right in characterizing the reason for your position on premarital sex to be 'because that's what God says'....and if God has said 'premarital sex is good' that you'd be doing it? (please understand, I'm not implying this is a negative...just wanting to get what your stance is based on).


A-L: sounds like your position on premarital sex is based on reasons you've thought out as to why this is the best option, rather than because God (or anyone else) has told you this is what you should do. Would that be correct?
 
  Reply With Quote
just_me2 is offline just_me2 Post #90  August 21,2008, 5:21pm
just_me2's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2008

St. Louis

Posts: 13

See profile



Hey thats what i thought and I still don't ask right away but on eH I make it one of the second questions I send... so far every one I have gotten that far with have no problems with it!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« met my boyfriend on eHarmony | Using eHarmony | I have to Ask Permission to email a person?! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:52pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0