The dreaded "premarital sex" question


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tranquility2 is offline tranquility2 Post #201  November 2,2009, 8:47pm
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realized this is old
Last edited by tranquility2; November 2,2009 at 9:45pm.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #202  November 2,2009, 9:04pm
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Sarah wrote :
Maybe rather than saying you'd wait for marriage (which may rule out some good Christian matches for you). Say you want to wait until you are in a serious committed relationship before sex. I'd take the focus off of the premarital part and concentrate on getting to know your match in all the ways that count and cross that bridge when you get to it. Otherwise you may get closed out because of that stance. It's all in how you word or "don't word things".


Don't "say anything just let your actions do the talking and maybe wait till you meet someone get to GC with them, talk about other things. Nobody likes absolutes, it's too stifling.
Now why should he do that? That is not what he wants to do. He wants to find a woman who agrees with his world view, not compromise on the issue.

I would mention this in your profile. You will not drive off any reasonable women by saying so.

I wouldn't ask their views on premarital sex in the initial question phase because well gee you haven't even met the person face to face yet and that's really personal. If you put it in your profile, few women are likely to contact you if they have a problem with the viewpoint you hold.

Good luck.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #203  November 2,2009, 9:28pm
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theschu wrote :
Hey all,


I'm a Christian guy that's waiting until marriage and I'm looking for a woman that's on the same page (past mistakes not taken into consideration). I've met quite a few Christians that don't wait and would like to get this information fairly early on but I'm wondering if the 1st question: "What are your thoughts on premarital sex?" is too personal and pushing people away. Any thoughts?


Peace.
I feel you should be upfront, so that women can get a better sense of what they may be getting into. I imagine that most folk would want to avoid religious zealots, of any depiction; particularly in this age of terrorism.
 
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dueceloco is offline dueceloco Post #204  December 30,2009, 6:21pm
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Wow!! After reading a lot of the messages written here about premarital sex I can't help but laugh at how sensitive some people became.

I have met two people in my life that waited to have sex before marriage, one man and one woman. The woman unfortunately fell short of her commitment when she decided to perform oral on a fellow she had dated for some time. She also did other things but I'll leave it at she never was vaginally penetrated. She would argue that she waited till she married to have sex. I very strongly disagreed with her on this issue. She is married now 7yrs to a different man previously mentioned.

Now the man I knew who saved himself for marriage also performed oral with his girlfriends. I haven't talked to him since I left the military 10yrs ago,so I have no clue if he's still a virgin.

Now I also have met three women in my past that claimed to have saved themselves for marriage. All three women had sex with me, two were still married to the same man that they waited for to have sex. The stories that they told were all very similar. They felt like they lost the friendship and that they didn't feel sexy anymore to their husbands. At the time all this was happening I was between the ages of 18-20 a us soldier away from home.

What I have learned in my life is that everything we do whether its wait for marriage before we have sex or we jump right and have multiple partners all we really want at the end of the day is for someone to validate us. All we really want is for someone to remnd us that we are loved, desired and cared for. We all want to be sexy to someone, I know I do.

The only real advice anyone can really give to another person is to follow your heart truthfully and love honestly. When problems accur handle them with the support of those that love you.

Dueceloco a friend if you need me
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #205  December 31,2009, 10:10am
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dueceloco wrote :
I have met two people in my life that waited to have sex before marriage, one man and one woman. The woman unfortunately fell short of her commitment when she decided to perform oral on a fellow she had dated for some time. She also did other things but I'll leave it at she never was vaginally penetrated. She would argue that she waited till she married to have sex.
Thanks to the Clinton scandal, there are a lot of people who think that particular act is not sex.

It depends on what your definition of "is" is.
 
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bren10 is offline bren10 Post #206  July 30,2010, 9:04am
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This is an old thread, but.....

Dueceloco, your last sentence sums things up very well when you said:
"The only real advice anyone can really give to another person is to follow your heart truthfully and love honestly. When problems occur handle them with the support of those that love you. "

Yes, follow your heart...always search for truth and honesty. Make no mistake, the Bible is clear (even though some say it isn't), but life is hard.....maintaining "ideal" values is hard. Society has changed.

One analogy that I think is better than the "tasting food" analogy of premarital sex might be comparing it to buying a house. Who gets to live in a house for a couple years before they sign the contract and obligate themselves to 30 years of payments? You look at it, examine it, ask questions, get a professional appraisal....but you don't get to live in it! You have to make an informed guess as to whether you will be happy in it over the long run....but it is still a major life decision that is made with many unknowns....a big risk.

No analogy is perfect but I think you can DECIDE to be satisfied with a partner that you haven't slept with prior to marriage. Problems arise.....you deal with them......adapt.

If you are extremely incompatible sex partners, it would seem you also had other issues that will have surfaced in other areas prior to marriage.
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #207  September 4,2010, 4:17pm
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A better question to ask would be "What are your thoughts on marital sex?"
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #208  September 4,2010, 8:58pm
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I doubt any of the original posters are even reading this thread anymore, LOL.
 
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kitten220220 is offline kitten220220 Post #209  September 5,2010, 8:01pm
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As a Christian women who has been asked this question by a few matches, I'm never quite sure how to take it. Is the guy asking because he doesn't have a problem with it? Or is he asking because he does have a problem with it? I would agree with the others that have suggested being upfront about your wants in your profile. I have in the past closed matches based on that question. I don't anymore as I try to give them the benifit of the doubt. Thats just my two cents worth.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #210  September 6,2010, 6:21am
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kitten220220 wrote :
As a Christian women who has been asked this question by a few matches, I'm never quite sure how to take it. Is the guy asking because he doesn't have a problem with it? Or is he asking because he does have a problem with it? I would agree with the others that have suggested being upfront about your wants in your profile. I have in the past closed matches based on that question. I don't anymore as I try to give them the benifit of the doubt. Thats just my two cents worth.
That's why I never ask the question. I don't agree with trying to hook up just to get a bed companion but never wanted to ask that question because I was afraid that is what ladies would think if I asked it.
 
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