The dreaded "premarital sex" question


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HappyK is offline HappyK Post #101  August 21,2008, 8:22pm
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theschu,212399 wrote :

I like absolutes...maybe, I'm too stifling...or maybe I'll meet somebody that matches me and we can stifle the world together
I'll never meet you but I SURE DO LIKE YOU! Your comment had me laughing out loud at my computer because I SOOOOOOO agree with you! I LOVE absolutes because they help define life in a very chaotic, crazy world that currently is operating without them (for the most part)! The result????? A very confused society! So my friend, my hat is off to you, and I'm glad to hear that someone out there appreciates absolutes! BRAVO!
 
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dunnerbug is offline dunnerbug Post #102  August 21,2008, 8:25pm
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bren10,226773 wrote :

jayjay,226539 wrote :


dunnerbug,226519 wrote :


First I feel "God said it that settles it"


dunnerbug: would I be right in characterizing the reason for your position on premarital sex to be 'because that's what God says'....and if God has said 'premarital sex is good' that you'd be doing it? (please understand, I'm not implying this is a negative...just wanting to get what your stance is based on).


A-L: sounds like your position on premarital sex is based on reasons you've thought out as to why this is the best option, rather than because God (or anyone else) has told you this is what you should do. Would that be correct?


Jayjay,


I would agree with A-L's answer to your question -there are "faith" based reasons for abstaining from premarital sex and there are psychological/scientific reasons as she mentioned.


If sexcan create a strongemotional bond (through the release of oxytocin and other factors)...then what happens when the relationship doesn't work out? Emotional Pain.Why getso intenselybonded with a person who you may not even want to spend your life with?I think that's why these days, in my experience, relationships aremore difficult to achieve and maintain. Too much relationshipbaggage.I think it is easier to walk away from an incompatible partner if you haven't slept with him/her.


But the bottom line is, for those who are Christian and who base their beliefs on Bible principles, the fact that it is stated that "God wills...that you abstain from fornication" ( 1 Thessalonians 4:3) is reason enough to abstain. If God is our creator, then He knows how our minds/bodies work best, the optimal conditions for our long term happiness. It'smy personal belief that as scientific knowledge on the subject of sexuality grows, it will support Bible principles.


Perhaps someone on this site can share more about the psychological research on the correlation between sexual experience and marital happiness.
you said it perfectly


I'd like to hear that research too
 
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FoxDen3 is offline FoxDen3 Post #103  August 21,2008, 8:35pm
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jayjay,226478 wrote :

Since this is a (relatively) safe place to ask people's opinions...I'd like to take this opportunity to ask a question to those who believe premarital sex is a sin. My question is this: I know you read in the Bible that premarital sex is a sin....but WHY do you think it is? Is it just a matter that God has decided to say it is....and that he might have also arbitrarily decided that sex before marriage wasn't a sin? Or, do you think that there's some reason(s) why premarital sex is unhealthy for us....and so God calls this a sin for our own good? Some other reason? I'm honestly interested to hear what your perspective of this is. Thanks.
jayjay,


Have you ever been married? Please let me know and I will tell you why?[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-innocent.gif[/img]
 
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FoxDen3 is offline FoxDen3 Post #104  August 21,2008, 8:35pm
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jayjay,226478 wrote :

Since this is a (relatively) safe place to ask people's opinions...I'd like to take this opportunity to ask a question to those who believe premarital sex is a sin. My question is this: I know you read in the Bible that premarital sex is a sin....but WHY do you think it is? Is it just a matter that God has decided to say it is....and that he might have also arbitrarily decided that sex before marriage wasn't a sin? Or, do you think that there's some reason(s) why premarital sex is unhealthy for us....and so God calls this a sin for our own good? Some other reason? I'm honestly interested to hear what your perspective of this is. Thanks.
jayjay,


Have you ever been married? Please let me know and I will tell you why?[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-innocent.gif[/img]
 
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JL_Dexter is offline JL_Dexter Post #105  August 21,2008, 11:00pm
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I think mentioning your belief(s) as far as premartial sex goes in your profile might save you some trouble on being closed during GC. And in all fairness, if any of your matches don't agree or believe what you do, then they'll probably close anyway, but at least they know how you feel and where you're standing.


Though I have to say I agree with noseyparker on one aspect; you can always re-word and ask the question in the second stage of Q&A eH provides before open communication. At least if its in your profile, the match will have a general idea of how you feel, and the question shouldn't throw them off or bother them too much to warrant closing you out. I'm a strong believer in maintaining your beliefs regardless of what other people think. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]Good Luck with your search though, theschu and God Bless!
 
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DesertLilly is offline DesertLilly Post #106  August 21,2008, 11:20pm
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Stick to your belief, it'll be worth it.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #107  August 22,2008, 2:38am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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FoxDen3,226798 wrote :

jayjay,226478 wrote :


Since this is a (relatively) safe place to ask people's opinions...I'd like to take this opportunity to ask a question to those who believe premarital sex is a sin. My question is this: I know you read in the Bible that premarital sex is a sin....but WHY do you think it is? Is it just a matter that God has decided to say it is....and that he might have also arbitrarily decided that sex before marriage wasn't a sin? Or, do you think that there's some reason(s) why premarital sex is unhealthy for us....and so God calls this a sin for our own good? Some other reason? I'm honestly interested to hear what your perspective of this is. Thanks.


jayjay,


Have you ever been married? Please let me know and I will tell you why?[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-innocent.gif[/img]
Quid pro quo? Fair enough. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif[/img] Yes, I have been married. Why do you ask? OK...now it's your turn.
 
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Anisa is offline Anisa Post #108  August 22,2008, 6:16am
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theschu, wrote :

Hey all,


I'm a Christian guy that's waiting until marriage and I'm looking for a woman that's on the same page (past mistakes not taken into consideration). I've met quite a few Christians that don't wait and would like to get this information fairly early on but I'm wondering if the 1st question: "What are your thoughts on premarital sex?" is too personal and pushing people away. Any thoughts?


Peace.
I believe that if you compromise what you believe just for the sake of staying in a relationship you are probably in the wrong one. No one that truly loves you would ask you to compromise your beliefs, Especially if they are a christian. I am 28 and have never had sex, so it is possible to find a christian girl who is willing to wait you just have to be patient enough to wait on God's timing to find them. I f you compromise that one thing then where does it stop and is it worth a lifetime of regret for one night of pleasure.





I Believe...



That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
 
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DrLaura_fan is offline DrLaura_fan Post #109  August 22,2008, 6:20am
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noseyparker,212460 wrote :

theschu,212350 wrote :


Thanks for the feedback. Larson, what do you think about mentioning it in my profile... will I still get the screeching halt (at least from those folks that agree with me?)


They will close you out, if they do not share your belief. Isn't that what you'd want?
Mention it in your profile. I am a Christian waiting for the same thing. I met a Christian who turned me down for a date because I am divorced. I respect him for standing by his belief more than he knows, and I respect your decision also. Mention it, just as a briefly statd point of fact. I have a few 'points of fact' in my profile too and it has not stopped men from contacting me. Be blessed in your search! - [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-innocent.gif[/img]
 
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supergirl is offline supergirl Post #110  August 22,2008, 7:12am
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I really think that this is not a good question to ask when initiating contact. Some people want to know if they are going to get some, and are asking now, before they even get to know you as a person. Schreeching halt from me.


In your case, do you want to know the answer or are you screening out women who didn't wait for marriage? Either way, you are going to turn some women off right there too. I am sure that there are plenty of women who would be willing to wait for the right person. Save that conversation for someone that you have developed a friendship with through prior conversation or meeting. Then the question will be a bit more meaningful and less like prying.
 
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