Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #21  July 23,2008, 8:31am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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When I look around at my friends and family who have had very long and successful marriages I see tremendous opposites between them in many areas. But on certain core values such as honesty and trust they share.
 
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kay08 is offline kay08 Post #22  July 23,2008, 8:41am

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foucaultian,183349 wrote :

eHarmony uses an algorithm on the personal qualities that complement each other and others that match each other. If you're withing a certain acceptable standard deviation for the qualities in the questionaire, the match is in -- preliminarily.


Then, you limit the rest. Age, location, race, drinking, smoking, presence of children, etc. are all ways we get to choose. That simply narrows the pool of the matches that eHarmony says are a go for you. As more people join, the system will determine if they are within an acceptable standard deviation for you.


Here's a hint: redo your personality profile. Only this time -- answer the questions as if they are yes or no statements when they ask for ratings. Don't fill in with shades of gray. Just think "agree" or "disagree". I did this and my matches have been tremendous ever since. I don't necessarily get everything I want in every match; but, I have noticed that my matches have more shared values, interests, energy levels, sex drive, etc. ever since I tried filling out the profile this way about a month and a half ago. It's made the process a lot more rewarding.


Foucaultian
Oh my goodness. The thought of trying to answer strict 'yes' or 'no' when taking that questionnaire could launch me into cardiac arrest. I'm a woman, and therefore I'm not sure if I could answer those questions without the glorious grey area in between!


That was an extremely interesting piece of advice, Foucaultian. When I reach the six month mark to being allowed to retake the questionnaire, I'll give it a try. But! If it doesn't work, expect me to haunt you for the six months after that!
 
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kay08 is offline kay08 Post #23  July 23,2008, 8:44am

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Gr8Guyn2008,183673 wrote :

When I look around at my friends and family who have had very long and successful marriages I see tremendous opposites between them in many areas. But on certain core values such as honesty and trust they share.
That's what I find perplexing. I see the same in those I know in successful marriages.


But, but... well, I better shut my mouth before I'm ostracized from the forums.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #24  July 23,2008, 8:55am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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kay08,183683 wrote :

Gr8Guyn2008,183673 wrote :


When I look around at my friends and family who have had very long and successful marriages I see tremendous opposites between them in many areas. But on certain core values such as honesty and trust they share.


That's what I find perplexing. I see the same in those I know in successful marriages.


But, but... well, I better shut my mouth before I'm ostracized from the forums.
We won't ostracize you from the forums.


Since you say you see the same thing in couples with successful marriages BUT. I (we) would like to hear your perspective.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #25  July 23,2008, 9:02am
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kay08, wrote :

Their latest ad campaign seems to feature, almost exclusively, several ads with the same couple discussing how perfect they are together because she's so laid back and he's type A.
Prepared food in magazines ads typically don't feature edible food. It's often painted and dressed up to look good ... and it does ... but you'd probably vomit if you tried to take a bite.
 
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kay08 is offline kay08 Post #26  July 23,2008, 9:39am

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ThePriestess,183701 wrote :

kay08, wrote :


Their latest ad campaign seems to feature, almost exclusively, several ads with the same couple discussing how perfect they are together because she's so laid back and he's type A.


Prepared food in magazines ads typically don't feature edible food. It's often painted and dressed up to look good ... and it does ... but you'd probably vomit if you tried to take a bite.
From here on out I'm going to equate the My Matches page with a menu.
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #27  July 23,2008, 9:45am
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kay08,183746 wrote :

From here on out I'm going to equate the My Matches page with a menu.
Steer away from the pate, it's not fresh.
 
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kay08 is offline kay08 Post #28  July 23,2008, 10:17am

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ThePriestess,183757 wrote :

kay08,183746 wrote :


From here on out I'm going to equate the My Matches page with a menu.


Steer away from the pate, it's not fresh.
Don't worry! Foie gras, caviar, and the like are not my cup of tea.


I'm looking for that amazing bacon cheeseburger I know must be out there.
 
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kay08 is offline kay08 Post #29  July 23,2008, 10:21am

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Gr8Guyn2008,183691 wrote :

kay08,183683 wrote :


Gr8Guyn2008,183673 wrote :


When I look around at my friends and family who have had very long and successful marriages I see tremendous opposites between them in many areas. But on certain core values such as honesty and trust they share.


That's what I find perplexing. I see the same in those I know in successful marriages.


But, but... well, I better shut my mouth before I'm ostracized from the forums.


We won't ostracize you from the forums.


Since you say you see the same thing in couples with successful marriages BUT. I (we) would like to hear your perspective.
Yes, like I said, I do agree that, by and large, successful couples are in many ways comprised of opposites. I also agree that, based on what I've seen, this is only a harmonious and beneficial unionwhen, as you said, the couple shares the same core values. Namely similar ethics andmorals which tend to manifest in similar, not identical, religious and political beliefs.


The pattern opposites I notice the pairing of is -- and this is likely an oversimplification -- an introvert with an extrovert. These couples seem very well-suited as they balance the strong and weak points of each other's natures and early on in their relationships learn the value of compromise and patience.


But what if that isn't possible for everyone? For instance, I wouldn't mind being matched to my political opposite, but I would feel thatbeing matched tosomeone both my political and religious opposite would be too much of a strain on a relationship. So, for the sake of argument, say it's a must that someone be of similar political and religious beliefs.


While we're at it, let's also say this is a perfect world where traits such as honesty, trust, loyalty, et. al. are all given. What, then, is left to differentiate people by? Personality, I would think. If that's the case, are people such as myself hopeless?


By which I mean that I'm an extrovert and know from experience I do not do well in relationships with introverts. (Why do I have the feeling the Introverts United group is about to rise up against me?) My friendships with introverts are wonderful, but I cannot abide a relationship with a man who wants to defer to my lead and wants me to wear the metaphorical pants.


That said, I don't mean to sound narrow-minded, intolerant, or exacting. But having given it the college try in more than one relationship, I simply know that I'm very unhappy in relationships in which the gentleman wants to acquiesce to meas the shot-caller, decision-maker, and so forth.


So, if opposites do so well together, are people such as myself doomed?
 
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Tina08 is offline Tina08 Post #30  July 23,2008, 10:40am
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I believe eHarmony matching system does work and that the men I was matched with were very similar to me.But one man stood out from the rest and now after dating for 2 months, I feel that I have met the love of my life. Heand I are exactly alike. He is like the male version of me and our interests complement each other. Our personality profiles are are a match. We love spending time together and doing the same things. We approach things the same way and think alike.I can honestly say he has every quality I am looking for in a man and there is nothing that he says or does which bothers me. We can talk to each other about whatever is on our minds and not worry about being judged or analyzed because we have the same values and interests. For the first time in my life, I really can see myself getting marriedand want to have a child with this man.He says he feels the same way about me and we both agree that we feel we are so lucky and happy to have met each other online oneHarmony.
 
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