How long after recieving a match should I Send 1st Questions?


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Wen444 is offline Wen444 Post #1  January 25,2008, 1:56pm
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When I check my account, I see if there are any new matches, and then I read the profile , and then check their photos. I then determine if I want to Communicate. I am sending the 1st questions the day I get the match.. Is that a turn off? Am I coming off as pushy? I don't want to offend anyone. I have some great guys in my matches and I have not heard from any of them. Most of the matches were within the last 2 weeks. I sent a few nudges. What's the Deal????
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #2  January 25,2008, 4:23pm

It's almost time folks.....

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Hi Wen! I would say go for it whenever you decide you'd like to communicate! My thought is that we're all using eHarmony for the same reason - to find someone nice. So I don't think it's a turn-off at all to let someone know you think their profile is interesting. As for the "non-responders" - there's been much debate on these advice boards about dealing with these - some people say that if you've not heard back from someone within 2w of your communication that you should close out. I think that's what I'd do myself, but you might want to think about what timeframe you are comfortable with. Good luck!
 
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Wen444 is offline Wen444 Post #3  January 26,2008, 4:51am
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Thanks Red. I did not anticipate this emotional roller coaster. I am starting to not be afraid of the rejection and I have faith in the process. I realized I don't want just anybody, I want the one. Oh, Yeah, and that I deserve him!
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #4  January 26,2008, 8:46am

It's almost time folks.....

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You know I too started off on an emotional rollercoaster when I started the online thing - over the past few years I've realized I hardly ever meet new people through work now & my social life is different because most of my friends are married etc. It took me a lot of courage and a few years to get online - I've never had a huge amount of self confidence with guys, but I came to realize that I'd probably be single forever if I didn't get proactive!

Anyhow, I bit the bullet and started my online venture at the end of Sept 2007 on Yahoo Personals and that was a trainwreck, I came upon some dodgy characters & players there, so I closed that account after about 2m and started up with eHarmony. Initially the rejection was tough, especially on Yahoo because I did meet more than my fair share of weirdos & players. I almost gave up, especially after the first couple of guys I met through eHarmony who didn't exactly help my self-confidence. But I turned a corner at the start of December when I came upon a few really nice guys - none of them have turned out to be "the one" but they were super-nice and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with them - they definitely gave me hope that there are still some normal, fun, intelligent single guys out there!

Strangely although I've had some less than positive experiences, I kept going - I'd have expected myself to give up ordinarily, but somehow they made me more determined to go on & I feel that my self-confidence has increased as a result. So just go for it Wen! I hope you do come across someone really lovely!
 
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carolina girl is offline carolina girl Post #5  January 28,2008, 7:12pm
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Wen444, wrote :
When I check my account, I see if there are any new matches, and then I read the profile , and then check their photos. I then determine if I want to Communicate. I am sending the 1st questions the day I get the match.. Is that a turn off? Am I coming off as pushy? I don't want to offend anyone. I have some great guys in my matches and I have not heard from any of them. Most of the matches were within the last 2 weeks. I sent a few nudges. What's the Deal????
Wen, I have no idea what seems pushy to a guy. I have tried it all different ways and the outcome is the same, so I'd suggest doing what you are comfortable with. Presumably, we are all on this site for the same reasons -assuming they are actuallypaying members. If you haven't heard back from them, check a couple of things. If they have a picture posted, then they are probably members - I think you have to be a member to show a picture, so to me no picture = non members. If their profile is incomplete, they are probably not members, only checking to see their free matches. If you haven't heard back in two weeks I'd close them unless you are really, really interested - in that case, you might keep them open until the next free communication weekend and see if they respond then. I had one match do that with me, and he said pretty clearly that he was only in it for the free communication weekends, then was off until the next one. But above all, you have to put on a pretty good suit of armour before venturing out to do any of this - I have found the whole process painful and rejecting. Wishing you better fortune . . .
 
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