tishsuz is offline tishsuz Post #1  January 24,2008, 5:05am
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I have an unusual problem. My ex husband is extremely ill and needs constant care. We are trying to get him into an assisted living facility, but there is a waiting list. In the meantime, I had no choice but to take him into my home. If he is alone, he will die, leaving our teenage daughter without her father. I have communicated with many men on here, and when it does come out, some do understand. Others, however, have gotten very angry. I think they are assuming there are still feelings and I am just cheating. If I hadn't paid for an entire year, I would just wait until he gets placed, but I cannot see wasting the money. When and how should this be disclosed?
 
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flalight62 is offline flalight62 Post #2  January 24,2008, 5:26pm
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I appreciate your situation. My ex also has special health considerations and is often in my life, home, etc. We are not romantically involved in the least. He's the father of my children and I feel a responsibility towards them to help their father. Additionally, I loved him dearly at one time, and honor that time of my life by helping him.

If a man I am interested in doesn't understand or accept this, he's not a man I want in my life. I need someone who isn't jealous, suspicious, distrustful, etc. I need someone w/enough self-confidence & self-esteem to not be intimated by this. Just as I am not upset if my boyfriend (or whatever) is friends with an ex. In fact, if I am dating adivorced man who is not friends w/his ex-wife, that is a huge redflag to me.

I applaud your compassion - both for your ex and for your daughter. You are setting an example of extraordinary love by helping someone that possibly hurt you, etc. Your daughter will never forget that.
 
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anna2008 is offline anna2008 Post #3  January 25,2008, 8:05pm
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Why is it a red flag if your not friends with your ex??? Many ex's are controlling, mantipulative, aggresive, drunks, wife beaters etc. And yet you say it throws a red flag up when the divorced couple aren't friends. What world do you live in?
 
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cholo is offline cholo Post #4  January 25,2008, 8:44pm
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Mot all situations apply to everyone; Bottom line;There is no right universal language that blankets as an answer to such a broad topic.

Look into your heaert and do what is right for you. If compassion and forgiveness hoovers in your soul,;the answer is simple. If you are bitter, it can be ugly.

You can't make anyone love you and you can only change yourself.None of us can possibly be responsible for the flaws of others. There is no eutopia. your conciousnes guides your stars.

The greatest God given gift is to forgive.Once you learn that, you can love and be loved unconditionaly. Your peace will be of such magnitude that you will wonder why there is no forgiveness 101.Huuuuummmmmmmm!!!!
 
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flalight62 is offline flalight62 Post #5  January 26,2008, 11:49am
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anna2008,53144 wrote :
Why is it a red flag if your not friends with your ex??? Many ex's are controlling, mantipulative, aggresive, drunks, wife beaters etc. And yet you say it throws a red flag up when the divorced couple aren't friends. What world do you live in?
What world do I live in?

A world of forgiveness and peace -- not one with any anger or bitterness. If someone else inhabits that world, they will not be a part of my world.

My ex is an addict and alcoholic - I chose to forgive him and it's the best gift I've ever given myself.

Anyone I am involved in w/also be as enlightened.

Peace.
 
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tishsuz is offline tishsuz Post #6  January 31,2008, 12:43pm
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anna2008,53144 wrote :
Why is it a red flag if your not friends with your ex??? Many ex's are controlling, mantipulative, aggresive, drunks, wife beaters etc. And yet you say it throws a red flag up when the divorced couple aren't friends. What world do you live in?
My apologies. I had not thought of that. I guess when you and your ex hold hands walking into the courtroom for your divorce, it makes you think others can work together for the children. Although many do now a days, I do understand some people are abusive, drunks, etc, and would never expect them to have a friendly relationship. I guess I am one of the lucky ones who lives in a world where people don't hit. I will be more sensititive to that in the future.
 
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