First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?


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NotGettingYounger is offline NotGettingYounger Post #1  February 11,2012, 7:20pm
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I am wondering if there is a general preference eH users have regarding first contact with a match who interests you. I am new here but the guided comm things strikes me as awkward. Other systems I have used went straight to email, one also had the "wink" or "smile" option which women went out of their way to say that they found "boring". Any thoughts?

Just FYI I am a man contacting women.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  February 11,2012, 9:21pm
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Use GC for the first bit. Unless you can compose a truly great (or at least good) e-mail (OC) you won't stand a chance. Don't send "hey, what's up?" or other lame messages. Those will be ignored for the most part.

You can send an Ice Breaker, but only if you want to be sent one back.

I say step up, be the man and send your first set of questions to the women you find interesting. You may be ignored or closed, but that is all a part of e-dating.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #3  February 12,2012, 1:34am
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It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage.

No.... it's not match,cupid, fish etc...so get your mind out of that mold.

Winks, smiles, icebreakers etc. are nonsense, so don't bother. Straight to messaging /email is a match and free site thing and just not the way the eH system is set up to work best.

Send the first questions and go with the program....Good Luck...
NotGettingYounger wrote :
Other systems I have used went straight to email, one also had the "wink" or "smile" option which women went out of their way to say that they found "boring". Any thoughts?
 
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jov27 is offline jov27 Post #4  February 12,2012, 5:46am
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I ignore all smiles or "like your photo". I assume that they're non paying members or done by mistake since the buttons are so easy to hit when you want to look at photos. (I've done that myself.) I don't care if a man starts with GC or email. I respond to every man who initiates, although I go through my matches every day and close out all the ones that I feel are clearly not a good match, even if I don't have time to consider initiating myself.

if someone makes it through that cut, I will reply.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  February 12,2012, 7:17am
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I send the guided communication.

I might start with an e-mail if the match was very local, and I happened to get the match on Saturday. Then I would use the e-mail to just suggest meeting. (This was rare.)

I never use "winks" or "icebreakers."
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #6  February 12,2012, 11:00am
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Icebreakers from a guy give the impression that he is very timid and unassertive...or so unsure of his ability to get a "yes" from me that he won't even make a real attempt...or has such low self-esteem that he can't risk rejection. Not attractive!

I would suggest sending questions. You learn a lot about someone if you go through Guided Communication and are "smart" about the questions you select. The guys who have reached out to me with an e-mail clearly put a lot of effort into their initial e-mail. You would be digging a hole in which to bury yourself if you just send matches "Hi" or "Hey there" via e-mail.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #7  February 12,2012, 11:31am
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And that he may be a nonpaying member:
emma_hazards wrote :
Icebreakers from a guy give the impression that he is very timid and unassertive...
 
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Immerito is offline Immerito Post #8  February 12,2012, 12:31pm
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I typically send first questions through Guided Communication (unless the guy beat me to it and asked me Guided Communication questions first.
 
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podzilla is offline podzilla Post #9  February 12,2012, 1:24pm
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I've had rather poor response rates with GC. (2 in 50? Maybe?) On a whim, I sent a match an OC request- nothing big, probably a 3-sentence email commenting on her career which she mentioned in her profile. She responded back asking about mine.

At this rate, I may wind up going OC more often to test the waters.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #10  February 12,2012, 1:36pm
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podzilla wrote :
I've had rather poor response rates with GC. (2 in 50? Maybe?) On a whim, I sent a match an OC request- nothing big, probably a 3-sentence email commenting on her career which she mentioned in her profile. She responded back asking about mine.

At this rate, I may wind up going OC more often to test the waters.
2 in 50 isn't ridiculous. Remember, 10% of members are paying and you can just throw out there that if you're an average guy, 1/2 of that 10% will write you back. Out of 50 gals, you're looking at 2-3 who will answer your communication. Spot-on.

Some members here will rail on your for jumping to OC and will probably come out and say "Just join match if you dont want to go through GC!" I have had success both going through GC and even had a match (at step 2) write me an OC which I responded to. All the questions and dealbreakers can be answered in a 5 minute conversation anyway so I prefer to burn through the process so as to get to what really matters: actual dates with a living, breathing person.
 
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