Sending a courtesy email to a DRC'r


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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  February 11,2012, 8:49am
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For those who may not know what DRC'r means, it stands for Delayed Response Communicator. Now that I have that out of the way, I will get to my point.

I am curious in knowing if it is acceptable and/or appropriate to send a match a courtesy email if said person is a DRC'r? The reason why I am asking is because I am contemplating sending one particular match a courtesy email, but I am also reluctant to do so because I feel that it should not be necessary for me to ask someone whether they are still interested in becoming better acquainted with me or not. Their actions or lackthereof should be a clear indicator of their level of interest in me.

However, because of the delayed response communication practices, I am unsure whether the DRC'r is legitimately interested, but lack the resources to communicate on a more consistent basis or if said person is bombarded with work, lost interest or has decided to focus on other matches and use me as a backup plan should the other matches go sour. I am still interested in this individual, but as the days go forward without communication, my interest in this person is decreasing and I am almost forced to close her profile(which may happen very, very soon!).

There is a minor backstory behind my query, but I am curious in discussing the pros and cons to writing such an email. For the record, I am not interested in personal attacks, but curious in discussing the topic at hand which is the pros and cons to sending courtesy emails as well as an explaination for each position.

Let's discuss respectfully, Thank you.

B.Y.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  February 11,2012, 10:25am
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Do you feel the ball is in the other court? Meaning... you sent the last communication with perhaps alternate contact info (phone for calls / text off-site email,etc.) as well as a suggestion to meet up? Have they simply ignored any of this?

As far as courtesy email...I do believe people get overwhelmed adding dating and communicating with matches to today's already busy world of life,work and the plethora of text and web communications. So another shot to bring your presence to the fore can't hurt.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #3  February 11,2012, 10:44am
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BY, you really have no idea why the person might not be responding more quickly. The reasons are as varied as your matches. As you pointed out, it could be lost interest, work, vacation, travel, life changes such as a death in the family or a recent move, etc. Who knows?

Have you nudged her? This does work. I had a match who stopped at the point where he was to send his Must Haves. He did in response to a nudge, and we finished the process and met. I never asked him why he got hung up midstream. From a post a couple of months back on handling your account, it seems some people keep very cluttered mail boxes. It's possible she is such a person, and you are lost in the morass.

If you're interested, I would nudge her, then just leave the match open. You have everything to lose by closing her, and nothing to gain. Why the rush? It seems you're taking someone's slowness as a personal affront. It isn't. She doesn't know you and may not invest much effort until she is further along in the eH process, particularly if she's juggling numerous balls in her life.

Until we meet, I really don't worry about a match's level of interest. Regardless of interest level coming into the date, once we are actually on the date, we'll either click in person, and interest levels will skyrocket (one hopes), or we won't. Oh well! Interest will plummet to zero and time to response will approach infinity. We can close each other out (well at least I will if he's an adherent of the cluttered mailboxes religion) and we'll proceed on our merry way.

I know it's frustrating, but no need to shoot yourself in the foot by closing someone that seems interesting just because she is slow to respond.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #4  February 11,2012, 10:47am
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BabyYoda wrote :
For the record, I am not interested in personal attacks, but curious in discussing the topic at hand which is the pros and cons to sending courtesy emails as well as an explaination for each position.

Let's discuss respectfully, Thank you.

B.Y.
Goodness, the site is slow today!

For the record, I think it would be more fun and a lot more interesting if you allowed us to attack you!
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #5  February 11,2012, 10:50am
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BabyYoda wrote :
I am curious in knowing if it is acceptable and/or appropriate to send a match a courtesy email
It's acceptable and/or appropriate to send an e-mail to your match at any point in the communication process.


wrote :
Their actions or lackthereof should be a clear indicator of their level of interest in me.
The hole in your theory is that they do not know who you are yet. That's one reason we don't jump straight from matching to marriage--it takes time to get to know someone! All they know is what they see in your profile. Claims of positive traits like honesty and intelligence have yet to be evaluated.

What you should say is, their actions are a clear indicator of their interest level in your profile vs. their family, friends, career, etc.--you know, folks they have real relationships with. My girlfriend as a match had to nudge me twice to get my attention. My girlfriend as my girlfriend is a high priority to me.

wrote :
However, because of the delayed response communication practices, I am unsure whether the DRC'r is legitimately interested, but lack the resources to communicate on a more consistent basis or if said person is bombarded with work, lost interest or has decided to focus on other matches and use me as a backup plan should the other matches go sour.
::shrug:: They all indicate the same thing, that your profile is a low priority compared to other things in their life.

wrote :
Let's discuss respectfully, Thank you.
If you're asking will extra displays of interest such as a nudge or an interesting e-mail increase your chance of getting their attention and a response, then definitely. High interest (or even reminders) from a potential date did increase my chance of responding to them.

If you meant a mail expressing how your interest has decreased due to a delay in communication, nah, I'd focus on the matches who were more positive.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; February 11,2012 at 10:54am.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  February 11,2012, 10:52am
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emma_hazards wrote :
Have you nudged her? This does work. If you're interested, I would nudge her, then just leave the match open. You have everything to lose by closing her, and nothing to gain. Why the rush? It seems you're taking someone's slowness as a personal affront. It isn't. She doesn't know you and may not invest much effort until she is further along in the eH process, particularly if she's juggling numerous balls in her life.
Bingo! Clicking the nudge button on someone who's been inactive takes a couple seconds--then move on and focus on your actively communicating matches.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #7  February 11,2012, 11:18am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Do you feel the ball is in the other court? Meaning... you sent the last communication with perhaps alternate contact info (phone for calls / text off-site email,etc.) as well as a suggestion to meet up? Have they simply ignored any of this?
The ball is defintely in this person's court. I sent the last communication earlier this week and received no response(yet). I did not offer an alternative method of communicating which could be an option should I send a courtesy email.

wrote :
As far as courtesy email...I do believe people get overwhelmed adding dating and communicating with matches to today's already busy world of life,work and the plethora of text and web communications. So another shot to bring your presence to the fore can't hurt.
Understood. Here is the thing Wiseman. This person initiated communication with me. I accepted and we went through the GC process(I don't care for this process for the simple fact that some individuals abuse said process which makes connecting with someone very difficult and time consuming). At one point during the process, this individual delayed communication, but during said delay viewed my profile yet did not follow through and cross the threshold into the OC stage. I found it to be quite peculiar to view my profile knowing that I have answered her 3 questions without responding at the moment with either a brief message or a close. I waited over a week until the nudge option was available and decided to send a nudge instead of a close(on my end which I usually do after having to wait this length of time).

I told myself(in my head of course. lol) that I will give her until the next day to respond to my nudge or else I will close her profile. Surprisingly, she responded by the end of that day sending us to the OC stage(since she iniated, she was the one who had the power to get us to the next stage as you already know).

This person send a brief message apologizing for the delay(which told me that she know she delayed the process) and the reason for doing so was because she does not have the resources to respond in a timely fashion due to not having complete access to a PC nor access via phone. She asked how I was doing and that was pretty much it. I responded with a brief email telling her that I am doing well and asking her how she was doing. I did mentioned that I initially thought she may have had a change of heart, but was glad she decided to move forward with the process.

So, where it stands now, we are not communicating and it has been close to a week since the last communication. I honestly feel that we are not going to make it because I feel uncomfortable sharing personal information with someone who isn't finding a means to move forward with this process. I do understand that people have a life and have obligations. However, I also feel that said individual knows her own situation and circumstances prior to contacting me. She could have opted to window shop and view my profile, yet not initiate communication, if she lacks the means to keep in touch in a timely manner or have obligations that prevents her from communicating in a timely fashion.

Maybe I am a typical dude, but one of the reasons why I even allowed this to go this far is due to her living relatively close to my domicile as well as her being cute(sue me!. lol) *shrugs* Aside from that, I don't see anything manifesting in a positive manner and I may have to force my hand and pull the trigger on her.

Oh, I am also communicating with a few other matches, two more of which are also DRC'rs but the difference with those individuals is that they did share to me that they are busy with work or whatever, so I was given some feedback which prompted me to give them the benefit of the doubt(for now). They may also be on the chopping block within the near future, if I don't see any progression(from their end).

Great questions sir! Thanks for sharing your prospective and I hope I have given you a little more info on my situation.

B.Y.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #8  February 11,2012, 12:00pm
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emma_hazards wrote :
BY, you really have no idea why the person might not be responding more quickly. The reasons are as varied as your matches. As you pointed out, it could be lost interest, work, vacation, travel, life changes such as a death in the family or a recent move, etc. Who knows?
I understand if someone lost interest. However, if that is the case, then why did said person initate communcation with me in the first place? Why did said person decide to take things to the OC stage, if she lacked interest in me? She had every opportunity to cease communciation during any of the stages of GC, but chose not to do so.

As I have explained to Mr. Wiseman, I have given her the benefit of the doubt that she has things going on, but at the same token, I also believe that people know exactly what they are doing on dating sites. At one point, this person did view my profile, yet not responded when she could have. I can't accept that an individual can view a profile knowing that they have received a notice to communicate, but can't respond in kind during that time. If she legitimately has limited access to a PC or no internet access via phone, then the time when they were able to view my profile was the time to respond to someone, even if it means pressing the close button.

wrote :
Have you nudged her? This does work.
Yes, I have done so, and I agree that it worked. But, the DRCommunication has commenced, again.


wrote :
I had a match who stopped at the point where he was to send his Must Haves. He did in response to a nudge, and we finished the process and met. I never asked him why he got hung up midstream. From a post a couple of months back on handling your account, it seems some people keep very cluttered mail boxes. It's possible she is such a person, and you are lost in the morass.
I am also in a situation where another match, who initiated communication with me left me in limbo with the first stage of GC. She did not even send me her answers to the pre-set questions and it is approaching a week as well. I am glad you and your interest proceeded with the GC process and decided to meet. I am not at that point with any of my "current" matches, so I guess I will find out the fate of our communication within the near future.

wrote :
If you're interested, I would nudge her, then just leave the match open. You have everything to lose by closing her, and nothing to gain. Why the rush?
Do you really believe that I am "losing" something by closing a match who refuses to progress through the process? Could it be that my DRC'rs are losing out by being closed? After all, it is a choice to communicate with someone or not and truth be told, I am not a fan of communicating with someone who opts the practice DRC. Never had a positive experience from such practices and don't believe I ever will. I have had relative decent results from women who go through the process and put forth enough effort to meet and greet.

As for the "rush", there is no rush here. I never said that me and any of my matches have to meet nor date. I do expect a reasonable amount of effort because online dating presents a lot of limitiations to boot. One can't make a connection with someone they are not communicating with. Also, how do you move through the process and develop an interest with someone you have never met, if you elect not to communicate with said person? I don't have to have someone write me an novel every time they communicate with me, but I do think that everyone can spear a couple minutes out of a 24 hour schedule to drop a friendly line or two. I do it. I have things to do. I work. I actually commute 70 miles to work(one way) and usually don't get home to the next day. So, can't no individual convince me that they are unable to invest a modicum of time in someone that they intiated communicated with.


wrote :
It seems you're taking someone's slowness as a personal affront. It isn't. She doesn't know you and may not invest much effort until she is further along in the eH process, particularly if she's juggling numerous balls in her life.
Well, neither of us know if her slowness is a personal affront or not. I do know that she has received my last email and if a person is seen as being active on a particular day, yet elected not to respond to someone they are communicating with, then said person has some sort of agenda that may be in conflict with the sole purpose of communicating with a particular person. Whether someone is busy or juggling multiple people is not my concern. My concern is how someone responds to me and if someone feels that I am not interesting enough to be acquainted with during that moment, then perhaps it may be in their best interest to move on and focus on the matches that best suits them for that moment. *shrugs*

wrote :
Until we meet, I really don't worry about a match's level of interest. Regardless of interest level coming into the date, once we are actually on the date, we'll either click in person, and interest levels will skyrocket (one hopes), or we won't. Oh well! Interest will plummet to zero and time to response will approach infinity. We can close each other out (well at least I will if he's an adherent of the cluttered mailboxes religion) and we'll proceed on our merry way.
I agree with you however, I am nearing my renewal point within a week or so. Therefore, I am interested in knowing if I should renew or allow my subscription to expire. In addition, I am paying for a service and I also take online dating seriously. It isn't a game and I believe in communication as well as progression. One can't date those they don't meet and one can't meet someone who doesn't communicate. So, for me, I am not interested and just adding to eH's bottomline, especially being that they are not selling me any of their stocks to get a return on my investment. I am investing in my romantic life and I am trying to be understanding of someone's schedule. But, there has to be a time where one needs to decide if a match is worth pursuing further or not. To suggest that one is "worrying" about someone is reaching. Being curious about someone's level of interest is legit, especially if that person is the one who initated contact.

wrote :
I know it's frustrating, but no need to shoot yourself in the foot by closing someone that seems interesting just because she is slow to respond.
Oh, it is beyond frustrating, but what I do pride myself in doing is not taking it out on my matches. If any of my current matches in communication has a change of heart or feel that other matches deserves more priority or their plate is too full for whatever reason, then that's fine. Just let me know the situation so I can either work with said person or go on my way and deal with other matches.

Thanks for sharing your prospective EH!

B.Y.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #9  February 11,2012, 12:04pm
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I think there are three good reasons to send that last attempt email...and they are all good, B.Y....

She did get back to you and firstly, acknowledge the delay as well as provide a plausible explanation. Particulary with this explaination, It may be time to offer off site contact options.

It's a realistic match in that the geography works..and so far you find what you see appealing and having some potential...that is increasing rare...and perhaps worth some stuttering in the communication flow.

Besides the timeing of the communication, so far so good....Good Luck..
BabyYoda wrote :
This person send a brief message apologizing for the delay(which told me that she know she delayed the process) and the reason for doing so was because she does not have the resources to respond in a timely fashion due to not having complete access to a PC nor access via phone.

one of the reasons why I even allowed this to go this far is due to her living relatively close to my domicile as well as her being cute(sue me!. lol) *shrugs*
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #10  February 11,2012, 12:40pm
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emma_hazards wrote :
Goodness, the site is slow today!

For the record, I think it would be more fun and a lot more interesting if you allowed us to attack you!
LOL. Well, I would actually embrace such attacks, if I knew people would not get their feelings hurt, not to mention, we were on a board where we are able to freely express ourselves. But, since this is a moderated site as well as an extremely PC site, I think it would be in our best interest to keep the discussion civil.

Btw, I love to debate, but I can't be responsible if people get their soft tushies hurt. lol



B.Y.
 
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