llw11 is offline llw11 Post #1  February 4,2012, 7:02am
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So this is my first stint with eharmony despite being on the forums for a while and I'm communicating with several women (I actually have a decent response rate compared to free sites).

So I get to OC and my match wants to email/text back and forth for a while longer before meeting. I had originally suggested we meet for coffee almost immediately.

How long should I persist with this? I mean, there's only so much you can talk about in email and by the time we meet, we might not actually have anything left to talk about,. I really don't want to ask her out again...I guess its up to her to suggest meeting at this point. Isn't it better to meet as soon as possible?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  February 4,2012, 7:09am
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I'd agree with you. I'd probably send one e-mail every other evening, and if she didn't meet by next weekend, I'd only continue to communicate if her messages were enjoyable (which is not common.)

She's making a mistake, too.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #3  February 4,2012, 7:18am
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Jump to kick-the-tires coffee interviews and texting /emailing may be the hold up. Try having her suggest the time /date /venue.....by asking if you can't think of anything better than coffee meet-up.

Coffee dates and texting are lame. Don't play my-turn, her-turn games. Pick up the phone and call for a real date....Good Luck
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  February 4,2012, 7:51am
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In my experience, a few emails back and forth, maybe a few phone talks and there should be a date. Otherwise things just fizzle out.

I went OC with a new match three for days ago, we exchanged a few emails, and I asked her for a coffee meetup this weekend (I have to watch my budget, I had way too many dinner dates recently lol) and gave her my number, and all I got was that she would call me. I am not very pleased, though I understand she might want to talk first to eliminate the possibility that I am not a crazy person If she calls today, now we have to keep mailing/calling till next weekend.

When you have never met a person it is tough to keep the momentum going sometimes ...I prefer to meet pretty quickly I found out.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #5  February 4,2012, 1:45pm
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I do not meet up for coffee dates and I need to get a feel for who someone is before I want to meet them at all. It's not going to kill you to e-mail back and forth for a week or two. And if you run out of things to talk about - well, really - how good would you have been together anyway? If you dismiss someone just because their time schedule for meeting is not an exact match to yours then will you be dismissing someone that could have been a good match in other ways more meaningful? Who cares a year or two down the road whether you met after one e-mail or ten e-mails? And I don't care how much money a guy spends on a date; spending nothing is fine with me if we can think of something fun to do, but I'm not wasting my time on a coffee date. Especially if there is any distance involved. And I love coffee.
 
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singinggirl is online now singinggirl Post #6  February 4,2012, 6:39pm
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My experience is that prolonged emailing/texting leads to nothing. I prefer to email a couple of times, have a phone call or maybe two, and then meet quickly. As long as it is in a public place, there's no good reason to put it off. And I really think it's a lot easier to run out of things to talk about by phone or email when you haven't met than it is after you meet.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #7  February 4,2012, 6:51pm
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i find that anything that can be discussed in person can be discussed on the phone. and that anything communicated on the phone may be relayed via email. while email may not be the preferred means of communication, it is a way to get to know and learn about another.

to use myself as an example, i emailed my fiance for about two months before we talked with each other on the phone. it was then another two months before we had our first date. others may find that an unacceptable pace. but it worked for us.

and that would probably be the thing here. if something is not progressing at the pace you require, the match is probably not for you. however, i find that the longer i take to get to know someone, the better i know that person.

in dating, i believe that it is prudent to learn as much as possible about a prospective date before the first meeting.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #8  February 5,2012, 5:48am
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Goomph wrote :
In my experience, a few emails back and forth, maybe a few phone talks and there should be a date. Otherwise things just fizzle out.
singinggirl wrote :
My experience is that prolonged emailing/texting leads to nothing. I prefer to email a couple of times, have a phone call or maybe two, and then meet quickly.
I third this.

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And why is a question about e-mailing and texting moved to 'Using eHarmony'?
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #9  February 5,2012, 5:49am
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I form more of an intellectual connection with someone that I've taken the time to get to know a bit through e-mail (I'm not really much of a phone person). For me a cold meet generally makes no connection at all. Just another face. And I give a guy that I liked through e-mails more of a pass on any awkwardness on a first date as I've already gotten to know him a bit and I'm more invested. If a cold first date is awkward and I'm busy with life then it's easier to pass on a second date without caring.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #10  February 5,2012, 6:47am
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Ephemera has a good point, and I didn't even realize I was doing that.

Being fairly new to dating, I was willing to go with whatever timeframe was suggested. But looking back, the one date wonders were usually those where we met sooner rather than after a few emails. Those who I emailed with a bit more I had a larger supply of subjects to talk about, so the first meets were less awkward.
 
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