RacerBarbie is offline RacerBarbie Post #1  January 30,2012, 6:26pm
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Hello all,

I am displeased. I have tried expanding my match criteria and have a greater than 10 year age difference included and upto > 100 miles which is frankly further than I'm willing to drive. I get 0 matches most days and occassional flex matches ( the best is 4-5) on other days. I will go multiple days with no matches at all. I have completed my profile and have 6 pics and I get responses from men, but they are all sub-par. I even showed my best friend and she agrees that some are down right scary in their profile. I am physically fit and I work hard to stay that way and have no desire for someone who is grossly obese. Is there some way that I can get matches that I would have more in common with ... like working out?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  January 31,2012, 2:06am
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Since you are not getting matches the problem is your settings. The distance is too wide. Your self descriptors are too narrow...your preferences are too high and tight.

Put "spiritual, not religious" as a self descriptor and "any religion " for matches and "low importance" .The biggestest mistake people make is boxing themselves in with one "religion" and ruling a lot of matches out as a result.

Lower the importance settings on income, education and lifestyle.

You will receive more matches in a couple of days after adjusting your settings. You can always ignore / archive / close those that are way out in left field.
But less matches will be delivered with too tight or too wide settings..so start there and review /tweak that....Good Luck..
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #3  January 31,2012, 5:57am
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RacerBarbie,
I feel your pain. Not all dating sites will work well for you- could be demographics or geography or some other factor.
I would take a second look at your settings, but at some point widening them beyond what you actually want will only open you up to people you are not interested in and won't be excited about meeting.
Ultimately you may not be doing anything wrong, it just may be the wrong site for you or the wrong time.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #4  January 31,2012, 5:57am
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You might consider using other sites. EH seems to be in a real slump. Attractive women have better luck on searchable sites where men can actually search ad view your profile, and you can search for men who meet your standards, rather than waiting for EH's matches to trickle down.
That's the way it is for me, anyway. I used EH for over a year on and off and never had any success.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #5  January 31,2012, 6:00am
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More "quality" matches is difficult to get by the setting, since it is more of a subjective thing. Sometimes I get lots of matches I have no interest in, other times I have interest in just about all of them.

Your profile says you're near a large city. If you're new to eH, you really should be getting a lot more matches since the well hasn't dried up or anything like that. I'd say to play with different setting, easing up the importantance level of some of the aspects that aren't important. If that doesn't work, you could try retaking the initial test. Might be some aspect of that you accidentally selected the wrong answer or something which resulted in a type that is difficult to match.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #6  January 31,2012, 7:59am
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My bf (who I met a year ago on EH) said this process is the opposite of meeting in real life. In real life you look for someone you are attracted to, then suss out who you are compatible with. Most sites are "shopping sites" (looking for tall, rich and handsome...).

This starts from the other end. Presume basic compatibility and search for attraction.

A couple more comments: don't fuss too frequently with your parameters, recognize that some high proportion of matches are inactive, you might consider figuring out what zip code is closest to the center of your world (work, etc) and use that and then lower to 60 miles from that zip. 7 matches per day is pretty much the max. Consider that it may take a few months.

You might post your profile if you haven't done that yet. We love to help with those!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  January 31,2012, 1:17pm
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RacerBarbie wrote :
Hello all,

I am displeased. I have tried expanding my match criteria and have a greater than 10 year age difference included and upto > 100 miles which is frankly further than I'm willing to drive. I get 0 matches most days and occassional flex matches ( the best is 4-5) on other days. I will go multiple days with no matches at all. I have completed my profile and have 6 pics and I get responses from men, but they are all sub-par. I even showed my best friend and she agrees that some are down right scary in their profile. I am physically fit and I work hard to stay that way and have no desire for someone who is grossly obese. Is there some way that I can get matches that I would have more in common with ... like working out?
sub par in what sense ???? Are you judging them based on their profile?

What expectations did you have in this...are you hoping for some fantasy catch that is unrealistic?

Maybe there is something with your prodile scaring the men away...have you posted it on here for comment?

With the settings that you control after your personality ptofile...


You have controls based on distance, age, religion, race, smoking habits, drinking habits, wanting kids, etc...

and with these there are importance levels. You may have a high importance level for a specific religion you selected but in the ST Louis area there arent many of that faith.

You could say you are in the ST Louis media market but you are 30-50 miles from st louis on the illinois side...people in the immedidate st louis area may be restricting themselves to people in Missouri. If you dont match their criteria you arent going to get matched with them.

Also if you live in the exurbs your zip code could be putting you 20-30 miles from where you are actually. What many people do is just say in the system they live in St Louis and use a down town zipcode and then set their distance for 25 miles and see what pops up.

On your profile if you say you live in small town, IL someone from St Louis may pass on you for someone closer to them.

Lets assume for the sake of argument you are very attractive. If you pictures flaunt this attraction many guys will not respond to you because they are (1) looking for someone serious, (2) they are looking for something more than just getting some, or (3) they think you are out of their league.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #8  January 31,2012, 2:21pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
Lets assume for the sake of argument you are very attractive. If you pictures flaunt this attraction many guys will not respond to you because they are (1) looking for someone serious, (2) they are looking for something more than just getting some, or (3) they think you are out of their league.
So attractive women aren't serious and only want to 'get some'? Are you confusing attracitve with slutty?

I can understand #3, but 1 and 2 sound completely off to me, and I've never heard those thoughts expressed by anyone else, ever, in life.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  January 31,2012, 4:24pm
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I agree that if you're not having success with eHarmony, another site might be for you. Given that the issue seems to be getting a low # of matches vs. getting a plentiful amount and having them just be nonresponsive, if it were me I'd call eHarmony. I'd express displeasure at the volume you are receiving and see what they might recommend about adjusting your settings or whether they are willing to compensate you in some way for your experience. I don't think eHarmony is responsible if my profile isn't appealing enough to get a response but I do think it is an issue if they are not serving up many people to come and look at it.

I'd also consider your area. Some areas it seems don't have as high of usage of online dating sites as others and that comes into play.
 
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RacerBarbie is offline RacerBarbie Post #10  February 1,2012, 4:41pm
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Thanks everyone for the input. The problem is I am having many days with no matches returned. I did put spiritual, not religious. I'm not religious and couldn't care less what a matches religion is. I called EHarmony and they suggested I increase my milegage parameters. I have them set @ 120 miles and I'm not willing to date someone farther away. I work full time and have a son and cannot move.I don't think I'm being unrealistic and I don't have a specific job in mind. I guess I should try other dating sites. I was hoping that matched on personality I would have people who were more serious and more compatible. I did go on one date and the man admitted to being controlling and was passive agressive. I don't think our personalities matched and I told him that. He was an average looking guy, nothing spectacular and someone I wouldn't have gone out with on looks alone. I have tried expanding the salary section because I make more than average, but this also didn't seem to help. I also am not willing to date someone that makes significantly less than me, as I have no desire to support someone financially... I already have a son and can't afford to support a man. I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect, just an average guy with some things in common who has a steady job and is at least almost at my income level.
 
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