Got matched with a coworker


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christa78 is offline christa78 Post #1  January 29,2012, 2:37pm
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I've been on eHarmony about a month and just got matched with a coworker. I see him pretty often, but don't know him at all on a personal level- only on a good morning basis.
Unfortunately, he was in the "Who's Viewed Me" section, so I know he saw my profile as well.
I am feeling kind of embarrassed (really embarrassed, actually). I try to keep my work life completely separate from life outside of work, and I'm worried he might mention it to others.
Should I say anything to him? Or just pretend it never happened?
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #2  January 29,2012, 2:58pm
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This is the exact reason why I don't put my picture on any dating sites I'm on. My suggestion is to pretend it never happened.
 
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christa78 is offline christa78 Post #3  January 29,2012, 3:01pm
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myusernamehere wrote :
This is the exact reason why I don't put my picture on any dating sites I'm on. My suggestion is to pretend it never happened.
That is probably what I will end up doing. If only I had seen his profile before he viewed mine~ I would have deleted everything, including the pictures, in my profile.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #4  January 29,2012, 3:59pm
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myusernamehere wrote :
This is the exact reason why I don't put my picture on any dating sites I'm on. My suggestion is to pretend it never happened.
Aha, now we know why you can't get any dates.
 
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Mike74 is offline Mike74 Post #5  January 29,2012, 5:26pm
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christa78 wrote :
I've been on eHarmony about a month and just got matched with a coworker. I see him pretty often, but don't know him at all on a personal level- only on a good morning basis.
Unfortunately, he was in the "Who's Viewed Me" section, so I know he saw my profile as well.
I am feeling kind of embarrassed (really embarrassed, actually). I try to keep my work life completely separate from life outside of work, and I'm worried he might mention it to others.
Should I say anything to him? Or just pretend it never happened?
Christa,

I'm not sure that I understand your issue here. What is causing you embarrassment -- the fact that you are using an online dating service, or the fact that this man saw your photos and read your profile? Is there anything in your profile or photos that would not be appropriate for colleagues to see (i.e., pictures of you drunk or scantily clad)? Is this man a superior at your work?

In general, I think that you are wise to be discrete at work with respect to your personal life -- people at work don't need to know all of the details of your life outside of the office. I don't believe, however, that the fact that you are single and using an online dating service would be detrimental to your career. I am an attorney and work for a conservative firm -- I tell my colleagues very little about my personal life, but they all know that I am divorced and using eHarmony.

I don't think there's any need to mention to this man that you were matched on eH, but there's also no need to shy away from the topic if he brings it up. I assume that you've closed him, and if he asks why, just tell him that you don't date men at work. Good luck!

PS, in my opinion, an online profile is worthless without pictures, so it probably makes sense to leave your pictures up, if you want to get any results.
Last edited by Mike74; January 29,2012 at 5:29pm.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #6  January 29,2012, 7:08pm
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christa78 wrote :
That is probably what I will end up doing. If only I had seen his profile before he viewed mine~ I would have deleted everything, including the pictures, in my profile.
Why???

He is on the same dating site as you...
He is doing EXACTLY the same thing as you!

HE and YOU are looking for the love of your lives.

Why in the WORLD is that "embarrassing" to you???

Unless you are cheating on your current husband/bf, there is NOTHING to be ashamed of, being on eHarmony.

PS: eHarmony isn't a seachable site.
He and you got matched together because eHarmony deemed you two as compatible.
 
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barbarella_42 is offline barbarella_42 Post #7  January 29,2012, 7:21pm
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Don't be embarrassed; it happens. You're both on there for the same reason, right? It's certainly no reason to limit your dating potential by taking down your profile or photos.

Something similar happened to me quite a while ago, and I decided to ignore it. The colleague who found my profile decided to contact me through the dating site. He sent an email that was technically actionable; I have to believe he was drunk when he wrote it. I didn't want to get the guy in trouble, so I sent a polite but firm response saying that my work life and private life are entirely separate, and that while I'm deeply flattered, I am not interested and that I don't want to discuss it further.

I think the guy was horribly embarrassed: I never heard from or even saw him again because he actually changed the way he walked around the building. He was laid off for unrelated reasons a couple of months later.

Every case is different, but I would handle it the same way in future if it ever happened again: Ignore, and then if the other person chose not to ignore, say no politely but firmly. If it continued to escalate, I would tell him to never contact me through any means other than work, and never discuss anything not directly relevant to work. If it continued after that, I'd file a harassment complaint. Hopefully, however, it would never get to that point.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #8  January 30,2012, 7:01am
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This is unavoidable for anyone who knows very many single people in their area and gets very many matches. I've been matched with coworkers, friends, exes, friends of exes, friends of friends, a former student, and even a former roommate. I'm not even from the area where I live and don't know a lot of people here, so I can only imagine how much more often this would happen if I did.

The nice thing about eH is that only other members who are matched with you can see your profile. (This is eH's only real advantage over its competition, IMO.) Other people in your office won't be able to go on there and see you. Your coworker is doing the same thing you are, so it's not likely that he's going to put you down to coworkers. He may tell them he saw you, if he's that open about his online dating experiences with coworkers, but there's not a lot you can do about that.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  January 30,2012, 7:17am
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I do not see the reason which made you take down your profile. Since when looking for a partner became something we should be embarrassed about ?

As for no picture thing, when I am matched with people who has no picture, I read their profile and if I like their profile I ask for their pictures. If they do not put any pictures up they stay in the archives till I close them.

Are you a naturally shy person ?
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  January 30,2012, 7:53am
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I agree with everything that has been said before. You were both there for the same purpose so I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. For me at least the risk of being seen by someone I work with is worth the better odds from including a picture in my profile.
 
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