Premature "Congratulations"?


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jlpSLP83 is offline jlpSLP83 Post #1  January 22,2012, 5:51pm
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Ok quick question, though I'm pretty sure I already know the answer. When you send an eHarmony Mail request, doesn't the person have to "accept" the request in order to even read what you wrote to them? I'm thinking the answer is yes, but I just want to make sure. Thus, eHarmony telling me "Congratulations! (insert guy's name here) has accepted your eHarmony Mail request" is a little misleading. I had someone accept my request but then not write back to me either. Didn't close, just didn't respond but its been several days now. So frustrating!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  January 22,2012, 6:19pm
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If you send the request..they have to accept the request before they see your message.

You getting that message says he accepted your request for open communication.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  January 22,2012, 6:22pm
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As for his nonresponse......

was last weekend a free weekend??

His nonresponse could have been because you gave an email that had a ton of questions that he felt he needed to write an essay to respond to you. Or you could have said something that through up red flags.

also....remember ---you arent the only one they are talking to..so he could have forgotten about you given all the others he has been communicating with.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  January 22,2012, 8:04pm
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It really is best to use Guided Communication.

When you send a request to jump directly to e-mail eHarmony sends your match an e-mail to their regular e-mail address. In that message is two links "accept" or "decline". If they accept jumping to e-mail then they can go to your profile and read your message. The problem comes in if your match is not familiar with how the system works. The e-mail that eHarmony sends when you request to jump to e-mail does not indicate that you have sent a message already, in actuality the wording of the message would indicate that if they accept then you will send them a message. So many times a match will accept jumping to e-mail yet not know that they have an e-mail to read and reply to. Until they respond to your e-mail you are stuck in limbo and cannot do anything else.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  January 22,2012, 8:12pm
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jlpSLP83 wrote :
Ok quick question, though I'm pretty sure I already know the answer. When you send an eHarmony Mail request, doesn't the person have to "accept" the request in order to even read what you wrote to them? I'm thinking the answer is yes, but I just want to make sure. Thus, eHarmony telling me "Congratulations! (insert guy's name here) has accepted your eHarmony Mail request" is a little misleading. I had someone accept my request but then not write back to me either. Didn't close, just didn't respond but its been several days now. So frustrating!
As another member says quite often on here, an OC message is like a car wreck, you just can't help but look. Looking is not an indication of interest, however. Just because they accepted and read your OC does not mean they will respond.

They might not even be a paying member, so their acceptance is not "real". They actually can't accept it, but when they click on "yes" they put themselves into a little thing where it's hard to get out of the offer to subscribe so they can read it.

But, let's assume they are a paying member and can read your message. Was it more than "hey, like your profile. Read mine and let me know if you are interested"? If not, you are going to have to step up your game in the OC department.
 
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jlpSLP83 is offline jlpSLP83 Post #6  January 23,2012, 4:07am
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Actually, I tried GC with this guy first. He viewed my profile but didn't respond (nor did he close)...this actually prompted a previous post of mine (Too lazy to close?). Thus, I felt like maybe sending him an eH mail would get this attention. I figured he would either respond or close, so I would be out of what I like to call "archive purgatory." No such luck. At this point, I feel like I've spent wayyy too much time/energy on someone I don't even know....next!
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #7  January 23,2012, 4:29am
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Respond or close are not the way a lot of matches work.

1) Many will accept eH mail, out of simple curiosity. It means nothing other than that. It does not mean interest .
2) People don't close for a number of reasons...it's a hassle and some see no harm in leaving things open.
3) Profile views also mean nothing, they may just click on it because it said something on the home page, to remind themselves who Jane from town is, etc.

Send the first questions to anyone who interests you. Respond to / follow up with communication that interests you.
Try not to read into eH site behavior as having any meaning....Good Luck..
jlpSLP83 wrote :
He viewed my profile but didn't respond
Thus, I felt like maybe sending him an eH mail would get this attention.

I figured he would either respond or close
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #8  January 23,2012, 7:09am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
...
2) People don't close for a number of reasons...it's a hassle...
I think this is the reason most don't deal with it. The eH website is very slow, so most probably do not want to deal with opening a profile to close it.

I close all archived matches, and I will archive a lot of profiles without even opening them if I do not care for the primary photo.

If the iPad version of eH app did not have thumbnails, and also allow you to select multiple thumbnails and archive or close them I probably leave a lot of people in limbo too.

I use iPad version to look and manage matches, and use web version to communicate as it is easier to type on the keyboard.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  January 23,2012, 8:39am
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If they had a system similar to email where you could close all or close an entire page more people would do it but its so tedious that most just dont bother.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #10  January 23,2012, 9:28am
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tangochef wrote :
I think this is the reason most don't deal with it. The eH website is very slow, so most probably do not want to deal with opening a profile to close it.
It is a hassle to do the archive-then-close function in EH, but once communication has been started (from either side) the profiles move to the "Communicating" tab - then there is no more archive. It's just respond or close. Close is just a one-click action at that point, and you have to open the profile anyway to view it. So, I don't buy those folks who insist it's "too much of a hassle" to close from the communicating tab. Archive tab, yes, but not Communicating.

wrote :
I close all archived matches, and I will archive a lot of profiles without even opening them if I do not care for the primary photo.
Is that a function of the phone/iPad app? In regular EH, you still have to open a profile to archive it. I don't use the Android app.
 
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