polkadots is offline polkadots Post #1  January 23,2008, 7:07pm
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I am from the South. ...but, I realize that can't be the problem. I am educated. The deal is ... first, I'll explain why I'm online. I'm 28 and never been in a serious relationship. Up until a few years ago, my shyness always got the best of me. After teaching high school students for the past 4 years, I'm almost over the shyness factor. So over a year ago, I signed up online since there are few available christian males around here. I was on another popular christian site for awhile and met several interesting matches there. After praying, I felt I should switch to eHarmony. Since being on eHarmony for about 4 months, I've had about 500 matches...probably about 15-20 have made it to Open Communication. Last night, I was analyzing the ordeal and it puzzles me that out of all this...and even talking to maybe 10 of these on the phone (one at the time!), I've only went on one date this entire year. Out of the 10, I've given my # to (and I'm rather selective about who I give it to...even after several email exchanges)...there have been maybe 3 who have called more than once. When we're on the phone, everything seems great. Both of us are having an engaging fun conversation...it seems. They hang up and never call back...no email to explain why. I even chat on messenger with at least 2 of those and they never mention why they don't call. I'm hesitant about asking straight out...don't want to appear desperate, but it's puzzling. If I was interesting enough to want to call...what's the deal? Anyone have any advice?
 
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michaell1999 is offline michaell1999 Post #2  January 24,2008, 8:38am
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There are several conversation red flags, topics you should avoid early on. Religion, politics, past relationships, etc.
From your post it sounds like you're looking for a Christian man. Do you bring up religion in the first phone call?
I bought a dating book that has a good list of topics for initial conversations. Let me know if you want me to post the list on here.
If a guy doesn't call you back, then call him and ask why. I know I wouldn't mind. I'll give a polite answer
 
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polkadots is offline polkadots Post #3  January 24,2008, 6:55pm
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Sure, post the list! =) As far as the conversations...hmm...usually the conversation just kinda flows from one topic to the next...random stuff. Religion has been discussed, but just normal conversation between 2 believers...never deep theological discussions that early on. I'm not so sure I have the nerve to call them up and straight out ask. I did send one an email and ask if we should close the match. I didn't really see a reason to close that explained my reason to close the match...in return, he called me. In the end, he apologized for not calling back and explaining why he wasn't calling...actually, he said that he was pursuing another match (although I did like him quite a bit) who had pursued him a bit more aggressively than I. Although it was a disappointing conversation, my respect for him rose. Why is "closure" such a taboo thing?
 
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