jlpSLP83 is offline jlpSLP83 Post #1  January 15,2012, 7:11am
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Hi everyone. I'm a 28 yo F, and I've been on eH for about a month now, and I've already noticed what I consider to be a disturbing pattern and I'm looking for some feedback. I usually review my matches in the morning. I send messages to those I'm interested in and archive the ones I'm not. I often find that the men I contact will view my profile and then do nothing...not respond, but not close either. I'm just sitting in eH "purgatory" with these men. After a week, I will give a nudge but if no response I will usually just close. Are they just too lazy to close me out? Keeping their options open in case the relationship they are currently pursuing falls through? Personally, I will make sure to "close" if I receive communication from someone that I'm not interested in. I just find it inconsiderate to leave people hanging like that. I'm anticipating some questions here...yes, I've posted my profile for review and made changes based on the feedback. I also have several good photos posted...I have them in my album on here in case you are curious. At this point, I'm a little discouraged. Your thoughts are much appreciated...
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  January 15,2012, 8:14am
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You are doing everything right. The archive "purgatory" is really the problem....it is such a hassle to close many don't bother, so it is more a flaw in the eH system.

And it leads exactly to the questions you pose..
It would be great if they had a communicate, archive and close button right on the match profile. Their marketing strategy is to bulk up matches by being perpetually in a quasi-open limbo.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Unfortunately with the multi-step hassle of archiving-closing there will be limbo matches....Good Luck..

jlpSLP83 wrote :
I've been on eH for about a month now,

I usually review my matches in the morning. I send messages to those I'm interested in and archive the ones I'm not. I often find that the men I contact will view my profile and then do nothing...not respond, but not close either.

I'm just sitting in eH "purgatory" with these men. After a week, I will give a nudge but if no response I will usually just close.

Are they just too lazy to close me out? Keeping their options open in case the relationship they are currently pursuing falls through?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  January 15,2012, 9:21am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
You are doing everything right. The archive "purgatory" is really the problem....it is such a hassle to close many don't bother, so it is more a flaw in the eH system.
Actually this is not entirely true. While closing a New match is a multi-step process in this case the OP has contacted the match so clicking on the Close button at the bottom of her profile is all that is needed.

And it leads exactly to the questions you pose..
It would be great if they had a communicate, archive and close button right on the match profile. Their marketing strategy is to bulk up matches by being perpetually in a quasi-open limbo.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Unfortunately with the multi-step hassle of archiving-closing there will be limbo matches....Good Luck..
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  January 15,2012, 9:29am
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jlpSLP83 wrote :
Hi everyone. I'm a 28 yo F, and I've been on eH for about a month now, and I've already noticed what I consider to be a disturbing pattern and I'm looking for some feedback. I usually review my matches in the morning. I send messages to those I'm interested in and archive the ones I'm not. I often find that the men I contact will view my profile and then do nothing...not respond, but not close either. I'm just sitting in eH "purgatory" with these men. After a week, I will give a nudge but if no response I will usually just close. Are they just too lazy to close me out? Keeping their options open in case the relationship they are currently pursuing falls through? Personally, I will make sure to "close" if I receive communication from someone that I'm not interested in. I just find it inconsiderate to leave people hanging like that. I'm anticipating some questions here...yes, I've posted my profile for review and made changes based on the feedback. I also have several good photos posted...I have them in my album on here in case you are curious. At this point, I'm a little discouraged. Your thoughts are much appreciated...
While many people believe that few non-paying members are active on eHarmony evidence suggests otherwise. Either that or the vast majority of people on eHarmony are just plain rude.

If you are "normal" you will have about 90% of your matches being non-paying members who can't communicate.

However, you say that you send a communication to the matches that you are interested in and archive the rest. Archiving is not the same as closing. Therefore you are in many ways doing exactly what you are complaining about. You are leaving all those archived matches as a backup plan.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #5  January 15,2012, 9:35am
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jlpSLP83 wrote :
Are they just too lazy to close me out?
Perhaps. Or perhaps they're on vacation, busy with work, deciding whether to pay, busy communicating/dating with women who contacted them fist, etc. I went on dates with many ladies where it took me more than a week to contact them, before discovering the extremely helpful "turn off matching" knob.

wrote :
Personally, I will make sure to "close" if I receive communication from someone that I'm not interested in. I just find it inconsiderate to leave people hanging like that.
Promising to reply to matches within a week was not one of the terms when we signed up to the service. At the beginning I may have been like you, but within a couple months I learned to focus on those who communicated with me and ignore the rest. Life goes much more smoothly when you work that way.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; January 15,2012 at 9:37am.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  January 15,2012, 9:40am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
You are doing everything right. The archive "purgatory" is really the problem....

I like the archive purgatory. eHarmony is trying to connect as many people as possible. New users are so close-happy. They didn't initiate within a week... I feel rejected... close!!! The current system means they only archive and of course change their mind when you contact them and show you're interested.
 
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jlpSLP83 is offline jlpSLP83 Post #7  January 15,2012, 11:26am
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However, you say that you send a communication to the matches that you are interested in and archive the rest. Archiving is not the same as closing. Therefore you are in many ways doing exactly what you are complaining about. You are leaving all those archived matches as a backup plan. [/QUOTE]


No, this is not at all the case...I guess I wasn't clear. I will archive them if I am not so "wowed" by their profile that I feel inclined to make the first move. However, they are matches that I would still consider if they were to contact me and showed interest. Those that I wouldn't even consider (particularly guys who write "sex" in their "can't live without" section...but that's a whole other topic), I will go through the archive/close process immediately...no hypocrisy here
 
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jlpSLP83 is offline jlpSLP83 Post #8  January 15,2012, 11:31am
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If I come across a non-paying member, would I be able to see their picture?
 
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OlderButWiser0549 is online now OlderButWiser0549 Post #9  January 15,2012, 12:00pm
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jlpSLP83 wrote :
Hi everyone. I'm a 28 yo F, and I've been on eH for about a month now, and I've already noticed what I consider to be a disturbing pattern and I'm looking for some feedback. I usually review my matches in the morning. I send messages to those I'm interested in and archive the ones I'm not. I often find that the men I contact will view my profile and then do nothing...not respond, but not close either. I'm just sitting in eH "purgatory" with these men. After a week, I will give a nudge but if no response I will usually just close.
I can't see where you're doing anything wrong there; in my year on eHarmony I did exactly as you describe, and got more or less the same results: Purgatory.

jlpSLP83 wrote :
Are they just too lazy to close me out? Keeping their options open in case the relationship they are currently pursuing falls through?
Who knows? It could be either of those, or they could be non-paying members and unable to respond to your communications, or they could be under the mistaken impression that closing you would be rude or unkind, or they could be just plain clueless. I've given up trying to figure out why people do some of the things they do.

jlpSLP83 wrote :
Personally, I will make sure to "close" if I receive communication from someone that I'm not interested in. I just find it inconsiderate to leave people hanging like that.
Yup. I say keep doing exactly what you're doing, because it's the only considerate thing to do.

jlpSLP83 wrote :
I'm anticipating some questions here...yes, I've posted my profile for review and made changes based on the feedback. I also have several good photos posted...I have them in my album on here in case you are curious. At this point, I'm a little discouraged. Your thoughts are much appreciated...
I have not read your profile, but from looking at your album I can say your pictures certainly are not the problem. I wish I could say something encouraging but I'm afraid I can't: this just seems to be the way eHarmony is, and what you are experiencing is through no fault of your own.

Personally, I've had much better luck on OkCupid. Online dating site quality seems to vary a lot depending on region, age range and gender but for me (M, 62, southeast PA), it has worked a lot better and is a LOT less aggravating.

Best of luck in your search...
Last edited by OlderButWiser0549; January 15,2012 at 12:03pm.
 
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OlderButWiser0549 is online now OlderButWiser0549 Post #10  January 15,2012, 12:02pm
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jlpSLP83 wrote :
If I come across a non-paying member, would I be able to see their picture?
I believe so, yes. But they can't see yours.
 
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