Confused about the yes/no/maybe want children match situation


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prettydarncute is offline prettydarncute Post #1  January 11,2012, 7:35am
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Confused newbie here.

When I first joined eHarmony, I put down "Maybe" for wanting children. I don't feel a burning desire to have them, but if I found a partner than really wanted one, I would consider and most likely have one. I believe that life can be rewarding either with or without kids, and I can see my life being wonderful with the right partner either way.

Anyway, I noticed that as a "Maybe" person, I was never matched with people who chose "No" as their preference -- just the yeses and other maybes. It didn't make sense to me that every single guy in my metro area is a "Yes" or a "Maybe", so I recently changed my preferences to "No" to see what happened.

And well, there are a ton of great guys out there who are "No" on children! So why is eHarmony hiding these guys from me?

Is something in the settings or algorithm wrong?

Anyone have any insight on this?
 
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prettydarncute is offline prettydarncute Post #2  January 11,2012, 7:41am
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Oh, and now that I am a "No" I only get other nos, no Maybes. Do I need to keep switching my preference back and forth to keep getting all the matches I want -- ie, the Nos, Maybes and Yeses?
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #3  January 11,2012, 8:26am
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Isn't the algorithm correct based on your settings? Meaning, if you're a maybe then obviously you're open to it so it's going to match you with people who are either a yes or maybe. Whereas, if you're set to no, why would you want to be matched with people who are set to yes? It's best to set it to the most likely setting that applies to you. If I'm a guy that has it set to no, I don't want to waste time with someone who is set to yes and vice versa. I actually mistakenly had my setting set to No for a day, someone initiated conversation with me and half way through our conversation I had mentioned that I noticed her setting for children was set to no, and since that was a deal breaker that was mistakenly set on my profile for a day I told her that I appreciated the conversation up to that point but having a family was important to me so we wouldn't be a good match...she thanked me for being honest and we both moved on.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #4  January 11,2012, 8:38am
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Interesting prettydarncute. I would think the 'maybe' people could get matched with both yes and no people.
 
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prettydarncute is offline prettydarncute Post #5  January 11,2012, 8:46am
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Pacesetter -- since I am a Maybe, yes, I am open to it, so it makes sense that they match me with other Maybes and with Yeses. But why don't they match me with Nos? I am just as open to No as I am to Maybe or Yes people.

Perhaps I should contact customer service about this?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  January 11,2012, 10:38am
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prettydarncute wrote :
Do I need to keep switching my preference back and forth to keep getting all the matches I want -- ie, the Nos, Maybes and Yeses?
Yup.
 
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Nedrob is offline Nedrob Post #7  January 11,2012, 10:39am
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I have mine set to 'No' and I get both 'Maybes' and 'Yeses'. I think it's informational and you aren't matched on it.
 
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prettydarncute is offline prettydarncute Post #8  January 11,2012, 10:56am
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Nedrob -- I just called customer service and had a little chat with them about this, and I am not quite sure how you are getting Maybes and Yeses when you are a No -- they said that was not possible.

Basically, the gist is this:

You choose Yes, you get Yeses and Maybes
You choose Maybe, you get Yeses and Maybes
You choose No, you only get other Nos

I asked them if there was anything they could do to open my profile up to all answers, and they said no. I asked them about switching and they said that was the only way to go.

The only problem with that is that let's say I am a Maybe for a week and get some Yes matches. Then the next week I switch myself to a No (in order to see my No matches), aren't the Yes matches who might be looking at my profile going to be turned off?

Perhaps this is something I need to explain in my profile.
Last edited by prettydarncute; January 11,2012 at 10:59am.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  January 11,2012, 11:10am
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Any truly "yes" match is likely to be turned off by your wishy washy attitude on the subject regardless. A decision whether or not to have children is a big one with life long consequences in either direction. It's not the same as I don't really want to have a dog, but if he really really wants one, I guess I'll be fine with that as long he cleans up after it. For the absolute majority of people out there, children is a clear cut yes or no deal and those who choose "maybe" usually mean "yes, but not right now." Not knowing what you really want kind of makes you a minority - not implying that this is good or bad, just stating a fact.
 
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prettydarncute is offline prettydarncute Post #10  January 11,2012, 11:17am
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DancingFool -- you are right. It might make more sense to allow the No group to see both Nos and Maybes, as opposed to just Nos. That way anyone that is a diehard Yes would be automatically ruled out.

Interestingly enough, I am not sure that most of the Maybes I see mean "Yes, but not right now." Many of my matches are men in their 40's who already have children from a previous marriage/relationship and still put Maybe. I always assumed it meant they might have another if their new partner really wanted one, but perhaps I am wrong on that assumption.

And I prefer "open to life's possibilities" as opposed to "wishy washy"
 
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