nerds-unite is offline nerds-unite Post #1  January 8,2012, 2:01pm
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Well, starting things off, I think I am a moderately attractive, interesting and confident person with a good sense of humor. It should go without saying that I don't think I'm perfect, I don't always think I'm just fine the way I am and I always try to improve myself.

Average, right? More or less. And average implies 50% success, usually. On the street, 50% of the girls I talk to seem to find me attractive. I came to eHarmony because they rarely share my most important beliefs. So why is it that I'm being contacted by less than 1% of the members here? I've been contacting many people in the past 4 months out of which 0% responded.

This is not only me. I have seen this complaint in numerous ways, in numerous places, numerous times. I'm beginning to wonder if there's something wrong here. I have even loosened my match settings to "anywhere in the world" and still, nothing.

As a paying customer, I would appreciate it if the staff would look into this problem. Again, I know I'm not the only one experiencing these issues, so my first thought is not that I'm making a terrible blunder on my profile. I'm guessing that it has a lot to do with how many matches are NOT paying customers and therefore cannot communicate. Perhaps a bug in the system does not allow mail to reach certain members on top of that. I don't know, but it sure seems like I'm being ignored by an unnatural amount of people.

PS: I don't think non-paying customers should even show up in my matches. Or they should at least be clearly labeled.
Last edited by nerds-unite; January 8,2012 at 4:21pm.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  January 8,2012, 2:25pm
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Maybe there is something in your profile that is a red flag to your matches. Or, maybe your photos are less than "great".

You can post your profile and photos for review if you like. Here are the instructions (PROFILE REVIEW INSTRUCTIONS AND GUIDELINES - updated 12/1/10).
 
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nv1983 is online now nv1983 Post #3  January 8,2012, 3:22pm
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Well, first, the internet is very different from real life. While Eharmony advertises itself as "different" and more efficient than browse sites, the underlying trends of online dating hasn't change: that is, women will receive many many more messages than men, and thusly have the luxury of being more selective. So, in reality, your experience is similar to the experiences of a lot of men. You can improve your results by getting your profile critiqued and uploading the best pictures of yourself that you can. However sometimes, especially with eharmony's matching system, it's a crap shoot. I've gone over a month without a date, only to be flooded with dates later.
 
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nerds-unite is offline nerds-unite Post #4  January 8,2012, 3:46pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
Maybe there is something in your profile that is a red flag to your matches. Or, maybe your photos are less than "great".

You can post your profile and photos for review if you like. Here are the instructions (PROFILE REVIEW INSTRUCTIONS AND GUIDELINES - updated 12/1/10).
I wouldn't mind some advice, I was considering doing that anyway to be honest. But forgive me for being reluctant to admit that I have anything on my profile that makes me undesirable to everyone who views it ... Again with the 50% thing.
 
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Lucid is offline Lucid Post #5  January 8,2012, 3:52pm
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Well we can't help if you don't share Nerds-Unite
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #6  January 8,2012, 4:00pm
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In person...if you are approaching a woman, and talking to her...odds are higher than 50% that she at least finds you attractive...

And then the one's that choose to go on a date with you 100% find you attractive...

Online doesn't work the same way..You don't get that automatic 'feel' for someone as they aren't standing right in front of you.

You only get photos...(which you should post in your profile here under Albums, as well as your profile to have people review)....as well as just words on a profile...You get a very quick glimpse into someone's life to see if they are compatible enough to want to start communication.

All it takes on EH is bad grammar or spelling that could have people closing you in a heartbeat. Or photos that just aren't coming across well even if 'you' think they are...

That is why we are suggesting you post for review...The key is seeing if many of us spot similar things that you should tweak..
 
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nerds-unite is offline nerds-unite Post #7  January 8,2012, 4:28pm
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nv1983 wrote :
Well, first, the internet is very different from real life. While Eharmony advertises itself as "different" and more efficient than browse sites, the underlying trends of online dating hasn't change: that is, women will receive many many more messages than men, and thusly have the luxury of being more selective. So, in reality, your experience is similar to the experiences of a lot of men. You can improve your results by getting your profile critiqued and uploading the best pictures of yourself that you can. However sometimes, especially with eharmony's matching system, it's a crap shoot. I've gone over a month without a date, only to be flooded with dates later.
That is actually very insightful. I can't see my competition, but I'm probably up against a myriad of men with six-packs, military experience and mansions. In that regard, I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to compete.
 
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lissa783 is offline lissa783 Post #8  January 8,2012, 6:04pm
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I agree with the OP, I find it funny that over the last year and a half: number of dates- eh: 0 match: 1 okc: 6 Pretty sure I will be sticking with the free one since all the profiles had the same info in them written in pretty much the same way. A lot of the same people are on the free ones anyway.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  January 8,2012, 6:15pm
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Ingytravel wrote :
In person...if you are approaching a woman, and talking to her...odds are higher than 50% that she at least finds you attractive...
huh
If I approach a girl then I find her attractive but to say that 50%, or even ANY of the girls that I approach find me attractive is absurd.

 And then the one's that choose to go on a date with you 100% find you attractive...
Well, duh

Online doesn't work the same way..You don't get that automatic 'feel' for someone as they aren't standing right in front of you.

You only get photos...(which you should post in your profile here under Albums, as well as your profile to have people review)....as well as just words on a profile...You get a very quick glimpse into someone's life to see if they are compatible enough to want to start communication.

All it takes on EH is bad grammar or spelling that could have people closing you in a heartbeat. Or photos that just aren't coming across well even if 'you' think they are...

That is why we are suggesting you post for review...The key is seeing if many of us spot similar things that you should tweak..
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  January 8,2012, 6:22pm
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If you are "normal" you will have 90% of your matches being non-paying members who can't respond.

The reason that you get matched to non-paying members is the business model, and it is the same for eHarmony as it is for Match or any other pay dating site. The business model says that a paying member, you, will contact a non-paying member and they will want to communicate with you so much that they will pay their money in order to do that. Personally I believe that this happens very rarely and more than likely drives away more paying members than it brings in, but all the suits that run eHarmony and all the other pay dating sites believe that they lure in non-paying members to become paying members by this practice.

I do have to say that if you have a 50% success rate of getting dates meeting women "on the street" then you are having a phenomenal success rate and have no reason at all to ever try a dating site.
 
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