ShinyShoes is online now ShinyShoes Post #1  January 8,2012, 6:32am
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I’m relatively new and I’ve gotten to OC with 9 people in four weeks. Actually ten people as I just reached OC with another match last night. Here’s the thing. Just at the point when most of the people on these boards would suggest meeting and/or calling, I’m totally bored with the person. I have no desire to meet them. I’ve been trying to figure out why I feel that way.

I'm thinking it’s the pacing of GC that loses my interest. I initiate most contact. I send Guided Communication Questions. I nudge if a week goes by with no response. I view regularly. It can take usually 2 weeks to up to a month to get to OC. I’m really interested in a match at the beginning. But by two weeks later and with other matches coming in? I’ve lost so much interest by then. I like answering the questions and getting answers but I learn little with GC if I’m to be honest. I sometimes find something that can make me uninterested but generally not a lot comes out in GC for me that I don’t sense from the profile itself. Mostly people take two to three days to reply to questions at every stage. I'm not blaming eHarmony for that or even the match. It is what it is. But that’s long for me. My interest just doesn’t sustain it.

Why don’t I just close them after no response? I’m trying to be understanding of scheduling. I joined during major holidays. And I’m new and wanting to follow the process. I’m sort of waiting to become more interested.

It could also be that I’m initiating contact with matches that I’m not that interested in from the get-go and vice versa. I’m mildly interested and there are no dealbreakers, but they are pretty unremarkable. I still send questions, though, because you never know.
I just don’t feel I should go out on dates with people I don’t feel excited to meet just to continue the process. Shouldn’t the excitement be there before the meeting? It’s not that I don’t want to go on dates. I like getting ready for a date with a man I’m interested in. I went on a date from eH within nine days of joining. And I’m getting ready to ask another man out next week in RL. The excitement I feel/felt about these dates is definitely missing with most of my matches when we get to OC.

What do others do? Do you go on dates with people just because it’s time to? Or all you really and genuinely enthusiastic about the prospect of every date you go on?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  January 8,2012, 9:24am
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You're going about it the right way, but the momentum can be lost when it drags along this way....Up to a month to get to OC is a bit long...you forget who they are.

They are probably also getting thier daily matches and trying to keep up with the GC, , keep track of who is who, and dating /setting up meet-ups in the mean time.
If they seem somewhat interesting just meet for a brief coffee... but try not to get over-enthused...Good Luck..
 
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Lucid is offline Lucid Post #3  January 8,2012, 9:29am
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Another thing that Wiseman2 didn't suggest was that if you find your GC is taking too long, then you might want to move on to OC right away after say perhaps the first 5 questions.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  January 8,2012, 9:38am
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Good point...you can request eH mail at any time before or during GC...to step it up.
Lucid wrote :
Another thing that Wiseman2 didn't suggest was that if you find your GC is taking too long, then you might want to move on to OC right away after say perhaps the first 5 questions.
 
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ShinyShoes is online now ShinyShoes Post #5  January 8,2012, 9:54am
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Lucid wrote :
Another thing that Wiseman2 didn't suggest was that if you find your GC is taking too long, then you might want to move on to OC right away after say perhaps the first 5 questions.
This is a great suggestion! Thank you, both of you. I thought that people didn't really favor the straight-to-OC thing. Felt like it was cutting the line or something. But heck, why not? I'm losing lots of momentum on my end here.

I do feel like I'm driving a lot of my matches. I'm fast. But I'm comfortable with that. I should just keep driving it to a meeting/phone call while I'm still interested!
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #6  January 8,2012, 2:05pm
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if people are making GC drag on over 4 weeks before you reach OC then I think your instincts are correct and your sense of boring is an indication of the effect their time wasting is having on you. Those that are interested, in my experience don't stall and drag it on.

when someone of quality comes along, they will show more effort and enthusiasm. ie. the problem isn't you - it's them.

also.... make sure you look as attractive as possible - good photos and good profile words/presentation.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  January 8,2012, 6:42pm
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I judge their interest by their promptness in communications.

Give that it takes 10 seconds to send or respond to First Questions, less than 10 second to send MHCS and 10 seconds to send Second Questions and less than 30 seconds to respond to them in most cases. Even with everyone's busy lives if a match cannot find a few seconds to communicate with me each day to move GC along then I have to interpret that as she is not all that interested in me or possibly dating in general. If a week elapses and we have not made it to OC then I have moved on to the next match in the hope that maybe she is a little more interested in dating and me.
 
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Lucid is offline Lucid Post #8  January 8,2012, 6:47pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I judge their interest by their promptness in communications.

^^^ This

Also Gr8Guy, how the heck do you answer set 2 questions in 30 sec or less. I can't even pick my 3 questions that fast and its always the same 3 questions. 2 of my own and the 3 wishes from premade.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #9  January 8,2012, 7:27pm
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Lucid wrote :
^^^ This

Also Gr8Guy, how the heck do you answer set 2 questions in 30 sec or less. I can't even pick my 3 questions that fast and its always the same 3 questions. 2 of my own and the 3 wishes from premade.
For Stage 3, save your best answers in a text file for future use.

Once you have answered most of the common questions that are usually sent, you can typically copy/paste your answer in, and presto, 30 seconds!
(Although, even with copying/pasting I still will spend more time than 30 seconds, as I always did try to personalize those answers at least a LITTLE bit)

Now, for the first set of 5 questions, if you use Firefox, it will remember your answers automagically, assuming you always "write your own answers", instead of picking A/B/C/D.
Thus, 5-10 seconds on these questions.
 
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ShinyShoes is online now ShinyShoes Post #10  January 8,2012, 8:05pm
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :

when someone of quality comes along, they will show more effort and enthusiasm. ie. the problem isn't you - it's them.

also.... make sure you look as attractive as possible - good photos and good profile words/presentation.
Thank you for this. Definitely something I needed to hear. Nothing is wrong with me, I just need to wait for better matches. I'm not getting many matches these days but that's fine. It's about quality.

I'm definitely enjoying making myself look my most attractive and this is happily spilling over into RL. I really do like getting dressed up for dates and just to go out. It's fun and people are noticing my efforts.
 
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