Profile advice from females please! 31yo guy

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LasVegasGuy Post #1 January 7,2012, 3:01pm

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boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2 January 7,2012, 4:52pm

Starting to acknowledge that my single life is actually fantastic.

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Hi LasVegasGuy,

I have detailed feedback below. I would give you one overall piece of advice. Like a lot of people's profiles, some of what you've written below feels like you're writing stuff for the sake of just filling in boxes. Instead I'd try to figure out what you think the 5-6 key things a woman should know about you are and make sure they come through in your profile.

LasVegasGuy wrote :

This feels like a laundry list and once someone launches into a laundry list, my eyes glaze over. Most of these interests are things that the majority of people like. This isn't a bad thing, it just means when I read this I don't get a sense of what makes you different from the other guys on the site. I'd stick to the question as it is written and focus on one thing that you are truly passionate about. If it's hard for you to pick one, I'd look for the unifying point.

LasVegasGuy wrote :

..The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I think it is important for the person I am looking for to believe that life is a gift and to live every day to its fullest. They should enjoy exploring and experiencing all this great world has to offer. Most of all, they would realize that those experiences mean way more if you have somebody to share them with instead of doing it all alone. As far as a relationship is concerned, I look for somebody to be honest, open, loyal, and dedicated, enthusiastic, and willing to put work into it - just like I am.

I think the idea of living life to the fullest is a great notion. However, right now what I'm seeing is mostly cliches. If it were me, I'd start off with your first sentence and follow up by elaborating on what you mean with a couple specific examples since everyone's notion of this will be different.

LasVegasGuy wrote :

..The most influential person in my life has been:
My best friend has been far and away the most influential person in my life (besides my mom, dad, and brother). We have been friends since age 4, and have spent nearly every weekend together growing up. When I get back home we kick it just like old times. I wish I could get back to visit more often.

You don't need to say the part about your family. It's just making it wordy and since everyone on eHarmony has filled out the questionnaire, they will be aware that this isn't supposed to be family focused. I'd make sure you include a sentence about how he's influenced you. That is missing.

LasVegasGuy wrote :

..The three things which I am most thankful for:
•My awesome mom, dad, and brother, and my lifelong best friend; we've had tons of great times together!
•My spirit of adventure, great memories of awesome experiences so far in my life, and anticipation of many future ones!
•Knowing I've done some great things with my life so far, and that I have much to offer the world!
..Three of my best life-skills are:
•Using humor to make friends laugh
•Achieving personal goals
•Managing my finances
..The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
Almost everybody says I am more interesting the more they get to know me. I don't have a loud or flashy personality so sometimes it takes people a minute or two to catch on that I have alot of interesting things to say!

I don't know that I'd put as the thing you want people to know about you. It makes it sound like you could be a boring first date, which no one wants.

LasVegasGuy wrote :

..The things I can't live without are:
My smartphone! I'm a text-a-holic & surf-a-holic.
My morning workout. My day ain't the same w/o it!
Surround sound, sirius radio, good music!
My car. I hate public transit. I need my freedom.
Food! I eat constantly. Have a ferocious appetite!
..The first thing people notice about me:
Everybody notices that I am a high energy, fast moving person. People often decribe me as being hurried. But, that doesn't mean I don't know how to relax. Put me on the beach, on a balcony, or with a drink in my hand and my feet on the coffee table, and I am the most relaxed guy you will ever meet! Aside from that, people also notice my accent that occasionally comes out. I used to have a thick northern accent. Although it has gone away for the most part after leaving the area 10 years ago, it still comes out from time to time. I still get asked if I am from Canada lol!
..Some additional information I want you to know:
I go by Josh (my middle name). My first name is Robert which I never use (except on official paperwork). For some reason, the ID thing on this site calls you by your first name. Otherwise no additional info - Hopefully I did a decent job covering it in the rest of the profile

This section is fine.

LasVegasGuy wrote :

This section is mostly fine except I would omit the part about how you don't have an attention span. Just focus on the actual book since it makes the section less wordy. Also, I'm not sure how the final four words relate to the rest of what you've written. If you think these are your best qualities, I'd make them come out more strongly.

jlpSLP83 Post #3 January 7,2012, 5:28pm

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I'm a 28/F, so presumably in your target audience. You gave me some nice feedback on my profile, so I thought I would return the favor! I would take out some of the exclamation points in the "three things I'm most thankful for" and "things I can't live without" sections...I like exclamation points for emphasis, but there are just too many in a small amount of space and its a little distracting. Yes, definitely take out the "attention span" comment...you actually say this in two places and I would probably take it out of both. It makes me wonder how your attention span would be during a conversation

I would also take out the word "ain't" regarding your morning workout...it's definitely a turn off for me, so it probably would be to some other women. Good luck, Josh!

LasVegasGuy Post #4 January 8,2012, 12:33pm

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This is all great advice! I'm definitely going to make a few changes. Sometimes you have a blind spot and don't really see what you write the way somebody else would. Thanks so much!!!

KikiAZ Post #5 January 9,2012, 8:24am

posting from the 6th largest city in America

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LasVegasGuy wrote :

..The one thing I am most passionate about:
When I'm with somebody I like eating out, shopping, going on trips to cool places, going to coffee shops, museums, beaches, exploring and seeing what the world has got to offer! I like music alot and enjoy downloading music, listening to sirius radio, and I like cool surround sound setups and big speakers. I enjoy winding down with a good TV show before bed and an occasional good movie. I like exploring the outdoors outside the city also; hiking, scrambling, and mountain climbing are some of my favorite activities. I enjoy playing video games, however I have a short attention span for them so I can't play for hours on end like some people.
This feels like you have ADD.

The first sentence is a non-sequitar. The core of the question has to do with YOU the core of you. This is very scattershot, like a lab puppy racing around the room. Overall, through most of your answers you need to tighten your message. Leave out filler. Be specific!!!!

..[FILLERThe most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I think it is important ]for the person I am looking for to believe that life is a gift and to live every day to its fullest [And THIS is the single most common answer

]. They should enjoy exploring and experiencing all this great world has to offer [tattoos and piercings??? VAGUE to the point of irrelevance]. Most of all, they would realize that those experiences mean way more if you have somebody to share them with instead of doing it all alone. [FILLERAs far as a relationship is concerned,] I look for somebody to be honest, open, loyal, and dedicated, enthusiastic, and willing to put work into it - just like I am.

..The most influential person in my life has been:
My best friend has been far and away the most influential person in my life (FILLER: besides my mom, dad, and brother). We have been friends since age 4, and have spent nearly every weekend together growing up. When I get back home we kick it just like old times. I wish I could get back to visit more often.
..The three things which I am most thankful for:
•My awesome mom, dad, and brother, and my lifelong best friend; we've had tons of great times together! DUP info.
•My spirit of adventure, great memories of awesome experiences so far in my life, and anticipation of many future ones!
•Knowing I've done some great things with my life so far, and that I have much to offer the world!
..Three of my best life-skills are:
•Using humor to make friends laugh
•Achieving personal goals
•Managing my finances
..The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
Almost everybody says I am more interesting the more they get to know me. I don't have a loud or flashy personality so sometimes it takes people a minute or two to catch on that I have alot of interesting things to say!
..The things I can't live without are:
My smartphone! I'm a text-a-holic

& surf-a-holic. THIS reads to me like when we are out/on our date you will not being paying attention to me....
My morning BALLET/crossfit workout. My day ain't the same w/o it!
Surround sound, sirius radio, good music! LIKE?????? MAdonna? Metallica? Garth????
My car. I hate public transit. I need my freedom.
Food! I eat constantly. Have a ferocious appetite! Vegan? BBQ? Sushi????
..The first thing people notice about me:
Everybody notices that I am a high energy, fast moving person. People often decribe me as being hurried.

But, that doesn't mean I don't know how to relax. Put me on the beach, on a balcony, or with a drink in my hand and my feet on the coffee table, and I am the most relaxed guy you will ever meet! Aside from that, people also notice my accent that occasionally comes out. I used to have a thick northern accent. Although it has gone away for the most part after leaving the area 10 years ago, it still comes out from time to time. I still get asked if I am from Canada lol!
This is another ADD moment. Also filler that doesn't add valuable content.

..Some additional information I want you to know:
I go by Josh (my middle name). My first name is Robert which I never use (except on official paperwork). For some reason, the ID thing on this site calls you by your first name. Otherwise no additional info - Hopefully I did a decent job covering it in the rest of the profile

Josh....condense AND be more specific. Lifestyle compatibility is huge. TYPE of music, TYPE of foods, TYPES of adventure, TYPE of working out. In tv commercial language.... are you a pc or a mac?

Try mixing long winded answers that feel like youcantletanycharacterspacegotowaste with succint ones. You can do better!

StingFanChicago Post #6 January 9,2012, 1:12pm

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Ok, I will say I think it's great you put thought into your profile, because it's frustrating when you see half filled out profiles and the person just doesn't seem serious about it. I highlighted the parts that would not work for me in red, and I gave suggestions in black. Good luck!

LasVegasGuy wrote :

Hi! I was hoping I could get some profile advice from a female. I am trying to figure out if there is something I put in my profile that causes very few women to ever reply to me on the site. I have 12 photos and they are pretty good so I don't think its that, I think there has to be something wrong with what I wrote to answer the questions. I am a 31yo male.

I appreciate any constructive criticism from any girls who can tell me what turns you off about my question answers! Thanks!!!

..The one thing I am most passionate about:
When I'm with somebody I like eating out, shopping, going on trips to cool places, name specficic places you've gone
going to coffee shops, museums, beaches, exploring and seeing what the world has got to offer! I like music alot you mean a lot. It is two words. and enjoy downloading music, listening to sirius radio, and I like cool surround sound setups and big speakers. I don't think this is important to mention.

I enjoy winding down with a good TV show before bed and an occasional good movie. I like exploring the outdoors outside the city also; hiking, scrambling, and mountain climbing are some of my favorite activities. I enjoy playing video games, however I have a short attention span for them so I can't play for hours on end like some people.
..The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I think it is important for the person I am looking for to believe that life is a gift and to live every day to its fullest. They should enjoy exploring and experiencing all this great world has to offer. Most of all, they would realize that those experiences mean way more if you have somebody to share them with instead of doing it all alone.
This part sounds bizarre to me, like you think doing activities solo aren't as fulfilling. That might make women think you are needy or don't value having your own life outside of a relationship.
As far as a relationship is concerned, I look for somebody to be honest, open, loyal, and dedicated, enthusiastic, and willing to put work into it - just like I am. I feel like this part is obvious and doesn't necessarily need to be in the profile. We all are looking for that.

..The most influential person in my life has been:
My best friend has been far and away the most influential person in my life (besides my mom, dad, and brother). We have been friends since age 4, and have spent nearly every weekend together growing up. When I get back home we kick it just like old times. I wish I could get back to visit more often.
..The three things which I am most thankful for:
•My awesome mom, dad, and brother, and my lifelong best friend; we've had tons of great times together!
•My spirit of adventure, great memories of awesome experiences so far in my life, and anticipation of many future ones!
•Knowing I've done some great things with my life so far, and that I have much to offer the world! Too vague, name a specific thing you've been able to experience that you are thankful for.

..Three of my best life-skills are:
•Using humor to make friends laugh
•Achieving personal goals
•Managing my finances
..The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
Almost everybody says I am more interesting the more they get to know me. I don't have a loud or flashy personality so sometimes it takes people a minute or two to catch on that I have alot of interesting things to say!
..The things I can't live without are:
My smartphone! I'm a text-a-holic & surf-a-holic. Don't admit this, and please don't bust out your phone on a date!

My morning workout. My day ain't the same w/o it!
Surround sound, sirius radio, good music!
My car. I hate public transit. I need my freedom.
Food! I eat constantly. Have a ferocious appetite!
..The first thing people notice about me:
Everybody notices that I am a high energy, fast moving person. People often decribe me as being hurried Maybe put a more positive spin on this...like you are great at being organized and getting things done perhaps?
. But, that doesn't mean I don't know how to relax. Put me on the beach, on a balcony, or with a drink in my hand and my feet on the coffee table, and I am the most relaxed guy you will ever meet! Aside from that, people also notice my accent that occasionally comes out. I used to have a thick northern accent. Although it has gone away for the most part after leaving the area 10 years ago, it still comes out from time to time. I still get asked if I am from Canada lol!
..Some additional information I want you to know:
I go by Josh (my middle name). My first name is Robert which I never use (except on official paperwork). For some reason, the ID thing on this site calls you by your first name. Otherwise no additional info - Hopefully I did a decent job covering it in the rest of the profile Lose all this...not necessary to mention in the profile.

..My interestsI typically spend my leisure time:
Heres few of the things I enjoy in my leisure time. I enjoy going for walks in the neighborhood around my house (there are some nice places to walk). I just got a big grill and am getting pretty good at backyard barbeque. I enjoy (in moderation of course) bartending and mixing and trying different drinks, as well as quality beers and wines. One of my favorite things to do is to take an hour before bed and relax in front of the tv with a good drink and yummy snack! While I like eating out more than eating at home, I have been getting more interested in experimenting with my own cooking - especially when it involves the grill.Here you could one example of a dish you are great at making.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
Most of my reading consists of short articles. I don't really have the attention span to work through a 200 page book. This would concern me, like you'd be really hyper to be around.

However, I recently read "The Carver Effect" which is a book about a supposedly haunted house near the town I grew up in. I found the book fascinating because I was inside that house and got some awesome pictures from in there!
..According to my friends:My friends describe me as:
Funny
Creative
Physically Fit
Hard Working

emma_hazards Post #7 January 10,2012, 1:15pm

Perky!

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Hi Vegas Guy!

To preface, my comments are about your profile and the impression it leaves. Your profile may or may not reflect you accurately, but it is the only thing that a stranger (aka your match) has to evaluate quickly whether to communicate. Writing a good profile is very difficult, and most of us struggle to turn out something reasonable.

Regarding your profile, you threw everything including the kitchen sink (and the toilet) into your profile and somehow still managed to leave me with almost no clue about who you are. You also did not answer the questions that were asked of you! It was tedious slogging, and if we had been matched I would have stopped several lines into your Passionate section and archived/closed you. You mistake verbosity for depth, and it's not. Without real content, it's just empty chatter in written form, and that's rarely appealing. It's just a mark of poor communication. Less can be more sometimes! Pair it with your repeated references to being high energy/hyper with a short attention span (so short that you can't even sit through video games!), and some (many?) women will worry that you are not capable of an adult relationship. They will opt to walk away, rather than give you the benefit of the doubt.

See below for specific comments.

I would suggest re-writing and posting the revised version for some additional tweaking. I would also highly recommend posting your photos for review. It's often surprising what men think will appeal to women, when in fact they are real turn-offs. (The reverse is probably true too, but I don't get female matches.

Best of luck with your search!

LasVegasGuy wrote :

Hi! I was hoping I could get some profile advice from a female. I am trying to figure out if there is something I put in my profile that causes very few women to ever reply to me on the site. I have 12 photos and they are pretty good so I don't think its that, I think there has to be something wrong with what I wrote to answer the questions. I am a 31yo male.

I appreciate any constructive criticism from any girls who can tell me what turns you off about my question answers! Thanks!!!

..The one thing I am most passionate about:
When I'm with somebody I like eating out, shopping, going on trips to cool places, going to coffee shops, museums, beaches, exploring and seeing what the world has got to offer! I like music alot and enjoy downloading music, listening to sirius radio, and I like cool surround sound setups and big speakers. I enjoy winding down with a good TV show before bed and an occasional good movie. I like exploring the outdoors outside the city also; hiking, scrambling, and mountain climbing are some of my favorite activities. I enjoy playing video games, however I have a short attention spanfor them so I can't play for hours on end like some people. You forgot to mention sleeping. The question is what are you most passionate about. That is one thing...possibly two. What I got was a laundry list of 17(!) activities you did this week...or this month...I dunno, and by the time I had struggled through, I no longer cared. I like men who are driven and focused. To me, this screams, I have no life, no purpose, no drive, and nothing that I am really working towards or care about. To cover up that I go wherever the wind blows rather than taking charge of my life, I'll just cram in every possible thing that I can think of that I did this week/month/year. For good measure, I'll toss in a cliche or two.

Please take some time to think about what drives you. What makes you get up in the morning (not your alarm clock), and what brings out a smile/makes you feel like you're on top of the world when you're focused on it? Write about that? Why is it important to you? How did you become interested in it? Give me some insight into what makes you tick. As a match, I really don't care about all the typical things that everyone does every day (e.g. listen to the radio). That tells me nothing about you!

..The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I think it is important for the person I am looking for to believe that life is a gift and to live every day to its fullest. They should enjoy exploring and experiencing all this great world has to offer. Most of all, they would realize that those experiences mean way more if you have somebody to share them with instead of doing it all alone. Delete the cliche-riddled stuff above in this section. It's filler that tells me you either were too lazy to really think about what is most meaningful to you, or alternatively, you aren't really serious about being in a relationship. Again, the question asks for the most important thing. Most means one. It's not asking you to list every cliche you've heard about relationships. Pick the one thing that is most important to you and expand on it! What does it mean to you? Why is it important? etc. Since this is such an important section, after you have addressed the most important thing, I think it's OK to list a few other qualities that you also consider critical in a partner. As far as a relationship is concerned, I look for somebody to be honest, open, loyal, and dedicated, enthusiastic, and willing to put work into it - just like I am. This final sentence is acceptable, although your grammar isn't.
..The most influential person in my life has been:
My best friend has been far and away the most influential person in my life (besides my mom, dad, and brother). We have been friends since age 4, and have spent nearly every weekend together growing up. When I get back home we kick it just like old times. I wish I could get back to visit more often. Are you answering the question: Other than your parents, who have you known the longest? Or perhaps, who have you spent the most time with? The question is: who has been most influential? So, how has knowing him impacted you? How have you changed as a result of this friendship? What do you do differently as a result of knowing him? My response on my profile is one short sentence that addresses all of these questions. Brevity can be your friend sometimes.

..The three things which I am most thankful for:
•My awesome mom, dad, and brother, and my lifelong best friend; we've had tons of great times together! So, the typical cliche...friends and family!
•My spirit of adventure, great memories of awesome experiences so far in my life, and anticipation of many future ones! Details please. Or am I to assume it's downloading music, listening to the radio, and watching TV? These, after all, were some of your passions in the first section.
•Knowing I've done some great things with my life so far, and that I have much to offer the world! And what have these great things been? Playing video games, perhaps, as listed earlier?

..Three of my best life-skills are:
•Using humor to make friends laugh
•Achieving personal goals
•Managing my finances
..The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
Almost everybody says I am more interesting the more they get to know me. Hmmm, so everyone's first impression is that you're boring. Not a way to sell yourself to a potential date. I don't have a loud or flashy personality so sometimes it takes people a minute or two to catch on that I have alot (spelling) of interesting things to say! ....Still searching for interesting in this profile. The issue with claiming humor or being interesting, intelligent, etc., is the reader then expects to see some trace of this in the profile. Ironically, at least among my matches, the ones who practically jump off the screen as interesting people are never the ones who claim that they are.

..The things I can't live without are: Finally, I begin to get a sense of who you are in this section. I like that your choices are different than the cliches that are often used.
My smartphone! I'm a text-a-holic & surf-a-holic. (Umm...will I spend the relationship competing with your texting fingers for your attention? Consider rewording.)
My morning workout. My day ain't the same w/o it!
Surround sound, sirius radio, good music!
My car. I hate public transit. I need my freedom. (Delete "I hate public transit."--negativity is not a good thing. Besides, many people care about minimizing their carbon footprint, and you will turn all of these women off.)
Food! I eat constantly. Have a ferocious appetite! (How is this appealing?!? Remember, the main purpose of your profile is to "sell you" by putting your best foot forward. Does eating ravenously really warrant top 5 or top 10? Is there so little going on in your life that basic bodily functions rate such focus? Or did you just run out of things to say, so thoughtlessly tossed in the first thing that came to mind?
..The first thing people notice about me:
Everybody notices that I am a high energy, fast moving person. (ADHD perhaps? Or just unfocused and discombobulated like your profile?) People often decribe (spelling) me as being hurried. But, that doesn't mean I don't know how to relax. Put me on the beach, on a balcony, or with a drink in my hand (Heavy drinker perhaps?) and my feet on the coffee table (Poor manners!), and I am the most relaxed guy you will ever meet! I would delete the stuff above. The impression is negative if one is considering whether you might be a suitable romantic partner. Aside from that, people also notice my accent that occasionally comes out. I used to have a thick northern accent. Although it has gone away for the most part after leaving the area 10 years ago, it still comes out from time to time. I still get asked if I am from Canada lol!(Instead of beating around the bush, why don't you just tell us where your accent is from. That would be far more likely to generate interest, and certainly more informative, than this inane guessing game with a stranger spending seconds on your profile! It's annoying at best.)

..Some additional information I want you to know:
I go by Josh (my middle name). My first name is Robert which I never use (except on official paperwork). (Perfect to this point. Delete everything that follows in this section. It's empty filler.) For some reason, the ID thing on this site calls you by your first name. Otherwise no additional info - Hopefully I did a decent job covering it in the rest of the profile

..My interestsI typically spend my leisure time:
Heres few of the things I enjoy in my leisure time. I enjoy going for walks in the neighborhood around my house (there are some nice places to walk). I just got a big grill and am getting pretty good at backyard barbeque. I enjoy (in moderation of course) bartending and mixing and trying different drinks, as well as quality beers and wines. One of my favorite things to do is to take an hour before bed and relax in front of the tv with a good drink and yummy snack! While I like eating out more than eating at home, I have been getting more interested in experimenting with my own cooking - especially when it involves the grill. Instead of boring the reader with what is mostly a repeat of the laundry list from your Passionate section, select a few (maybe 4 things) that you love to do, and do often, and expand on these. Focus on those things that a date could envision doing with you. The goal is to give a match a window into how she might fit into your life.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
Most of my reading consists of short articles. I don't really have the attention span to work through a 200 page book.However, (Delete everything that precedes this in this section. It's filler that yet again, paints you in a poor light while managing not to answer the question.) I recently read "The Carver Effect" which is a book about a supposedly haunted house near the town I grew up in. I found the book fascinating because I was inside that house and got some awesome pictures from in there! (These final two sentences are OK, but could be re-written to sound a little more mature and to be less wordy. As written, it reads like my 7-year old niece's book report.)

..According to my friends:My friends describe me as:
Funny
Creative
Physically Fit
Hard Working

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Creative Writing!: Creative writing, for people who love to write. Poetry, short stories, fiction, non-fiction, talk, chat, network, etc. Do you journal? What's your favorite book? Come on in and take it easy.

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cal_dude

Interests: Beach, Hanging Out With Friends, Board Games, Cooking, Home Improvement, People Watching, Reading/Writing, and more... View profile
Ephemera

"Interests: Carving Out Niches For Myself With Power Tools" View profile

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20ish and proud to be...

Creative Writing!

These Readers Want Your Advice!

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