48 F Widowed - tweaking my profile. Advice Welcomed!

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RatsAhoy Post #1 January 7,2012, 2:04pm

Great!

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I would appreciate your advice on my profile. I've entered a dating world at age 48 after being widowed for 9 years. I'd like to make a good impression from the start yet not appear phony or desperate. Thank you very much.

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
I think I can figure out life's answers but when I need that "quiet voice in the back of your mind" have an actual voice, I visit my sister. Her input was, Whatever choice I could make would be "right", but what was I going to be able to live with?

What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
A man who is happy & enjoys his life now! While he may be searching for a woman to enhance, to share in his loves or interests he doesn't want a friend/spouse to define or control his life. The "true you" needs to be shown so you can find a person that appreciates traits you offer & a relationship can be built upon.

Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I try to see humor, joyful side of people and I relate well to people on this level. I'm a good listener too!

What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I widowed and am "ok". Putting me into their set preconceptions because I'm widowed at a younger age. To some people it's a death sentence for the surviving spouse or a fear for themselves and I end up apologizing or making them feel better about something they didn't even go through.

What are five things that you "can't live without?"
1. Expressions of love in a healthy relationship.
2. My Faith has a great deal of importance.
3. growing of the soul in society/humanitarian needs
4. Compromise (keeping families a part of our lives)
5. Being outdoors/lakes/yard/garage.Take your pick!

Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
Ted Dekker Circle Series (2nd time reading Black, this time on my Galaxy Tab as an E-Book) The relationships and how the author developed the characters throughout their lives.

Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
After becoming widowed 9 years ago, my life was intertwined with the grieving process and raising 3 children as a single parent. Now that they are older, moving out, becoming their own "adult persons" I have the time and desire to focus on developing relationships. My network of friends, family, church members and business contacts make suggestions , but I like to be proactive thus signing up for Eharmony seemed appropriate at this time of my life.

What are you most passionate about?
Have a passport? My passion is people & in serving needs of those less fortunate. I’ve gone on several short term church missions trips to Dominican Republic & Honduras. These were focused on construction but other projects types are always needed. I’m open to going to Tanzania or Guinea, Africa. Even if you have never done this but thought about it, if you are someone who’s occupation or skills could add to a team presence it would make me very happy to share with you in life changing experiences.

What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. My outlook. I wake in the morning happy to see what the day holds.
2. Years of friends & family times but glad I still seek new friendships as I get older.
3. My healthly lifestyle & outdoor activities. I'm fit to walk, hike easy mountains or Cades Cove, KY, casual biking, mushroom hunting

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I'm not a couch potato in front of a tv. I do relax in my backyard "man cave" watching my bird feeders get attacked. Leisure time for me can include some of the following: walking/hiking (no running), Riding Trek bike, bass fishing (have a boat? you are an automatic heart throb in my life; lol), riding my Vespa, antique stores. Fall & winter: pottery class, did Ballroom Dancing classes twice, staying at home in evening embroidering, scrapbooking, reading, dinging out, wood working (and yes I will share my tools with you if you share yours with me :-) ) I like to try new things & would be happy to try your interests.

Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2 January 8,2012, 11:16am

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Hi RatsAhoy and welcome to eHA. (I'm curious about your username here -- rats and ahoy? lol)

Your profile is generally very good and I have a few comments below for some improvements. And in general, be careful about typos, grammar, etc. -- many people have strong negative reactions to writing errors.

Good luck with your search!

RatsAhoy wrote :

I would appreciate your advice on my profile. I've entered a dating world at age 48 after being widowed for 9 years. I'd like to make a good impression from the start yet not appear phony or desperate. Thank you very much.

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
I think I can figure out life's answers but when I need that "quiet voice in the back of your mind" to have an actual voice, I visit my sister. Her input was, Whatever choice I could make would be "right", but what was I going to be able to live with? The wording of the 2nd sentence is awkward; makes it hard to get what you're saying. See if you can simplify the wording in this section and I think it would be a very good response.

What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
A man who is happy & enjoys his life now! While he may be searching for a woman to enhance, to share in his loves or interests he doesn't want a friend/spouse to define or control his life. The "true you" needs to be shown so you can find a person that appreciates traits you offer & that a relationship can be built upon.

Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I try to see the humorous, joyful side of people and I relate well to people on this level. I'm a good listener too!

What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I am widowed and am "ok". Putting me into their set preconceptions because I'm widowed at a younger age. To some people it's a death sentence for the surviving spouse or a fear for themselves and I end up apologizing or making them feel better about something they didn't even go through. This is a good answer but it's not a good idea to criticize other people, on your dating profile. Can you word this in a more positive way that does not criticize others? Actually having read further, I see you also talk about being a widow in your Additional Info. I think that's a better place for this info, and your statement there is much better than this one. You don't need to mention it more than once in your profile; otherwise it becomes too dominant. Find a different answer for this section.

What are five things that you "can't live without?"
1. Expressions of love in a healthy relationship.
2. My Faith has a great deal of importance.
3. growing of the soul in society/humanitarian needs
4. Compromise (keeping families a part of our lives)
5. Being outdoors/lakes/yard/garage.Take your pick!
these are great answers!

Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
Ted Dekker Circle Series (2nd time reading Black, this time on my Galaxy Tab as an E-Book) The relationships and how the author developed the characters throughout their lives.

Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
After becoming widowed 9 years ago, my life was intertwined with the grieving process and raising 3 children as a single parent. Now that they are older, moving out, becoming their own "adult persons" I have the time and desire to focus on developing relationships. My network of friends, family, church members and business contacts make suggestions , but I like to be proactive thus signing up for Eharmony seemed appropriate at this time of my life. Good answer.

What are you most passionate about?
Have a passport? My passion is people & in serving needs of those less fortunate. I’ve gone on several short term church missions trips to Dominican Republic & Honduras. These were focused on construction but other projects types are always needed. Up to here it's a great answer. After this, it gives the impression you're trying to recruit fellow missionaries, rather than looking for someone to love. This is the first section your matches see -- so I'd delete the rest of this section. I’m open to going to Tanzania or Guinea, Africa. Even if you have never done this but thought about it, if you are someone who’s occupation or skills could add to a team presence it would make me very happy to share with you in life changing experiences.

What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. My outlook. I wake in the morning happy to see what the day holds.
2. Years of friends & family times but glad I still seek new friendships as I get older.
3. My healthly lifestyle & outdoor activities. I'm fit to walk, hike easy mountains or Cades Cove, KY, casual biking, mushroom hunting

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I'm not a couch potato in front of a tv. I do relax in my backyard "man cave" since you're female I wouldn't call it a "man cave"! it's confusing watching my bird feeders get attacked. Leisure time for me can include some of the following: walking/hiking (no running), Riding Trek bike, bass fishing (have a boat? you are an automatic heart throb in my life; lol), riding my Vespa, antique stores. Fall & winter: pottery class, did Ballroom Dancing classes twice, staying at home in evening embroidering, scrapbooking, reading, dinging I think you mean dining not dinging?!! lol out, wood working (and yes I will share my tools with you if you share yours with me :-) ) I like to try new things & would be happy to try your interests.

KikiAZ Post #3 January 9,2012, 12:09pm

posting from the 6th largest city in America

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Welcome!

We have a widowers/s thread somewhere here if you are interested. You certainly are not the first here to go through this at a young age.

I agree with the comments posted with Sass above....especially on the man cave and typos. I would add that you put lots of specifics in your hobby and outdoor stuff (which should appeal!)...how about some more specifics...food/music you like?

Mostly what I feel is missing (and this may not be YOU) is a sense of softness....you seem very confident and very capable and I am A-OK (which is good) but a hint of vulnerability doesn't hurt. 49 isn't old...where is your sexy womanly side????

Best-K

Edited to add: your age ranges, location, smoking/drinking and pics will substantially effect your results.

Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4 January 10,2012, 8:06am

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

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RatsAhoy wrote :

4. Compromise (keeping families a part of our lives) This need to be re-written.
5. Being outdoors/lakes/yard/garage.Take your pick! This should be re-written.

Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
Ted Dekker Circle Series (2nd time reading Black, this time on my Galaxy Tab as an E-Book) the relationships and how the author developed the characters throughout their lives.
This should be re-written. You should go into more detail.

Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
After becoming widowed 9 years ago, my life was intertwined with the grieving process and raising 3 children as a single parent. Now that they are older, moving out, becoming their own "adult persons" I have the time and desire to focus on developing relationships. My network of friends, family, church members and business contacts make suggestions, but I like to be proactive thus signing up for eHarmony seemed appropriate at this time of my life.
This is good.

What are you most passionate about?
Have a passport? My passion is people & in serving needs of those less fortunate. I’ve gone on several short term church missions trips to Dominican Republic & Honduras. These were focused on construction but other project types are always needed. I’m open to going to Tanzania or Guinea, Africa. Even if you have never done this but thought about it, if you are someone who’s occupation or skills could add to a team presence it would make me very happy to share with you in life changing experiences.
This is good.

What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. My outlook. I wake in the morning happy to see what the day holds.
2. Years of friends & family times but glad I still seek new friendships as I get older.
3. My healthy lifestyle & outdoor activities. I'm fit to walk, hike easy mountains or Cades Cove, KY, casual biking, mushroom hunting
This is good.

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I'm not a couch potato in front of a TV. I do relax in my backyard "man cave" watching my bird feeders get attacked. Leisure time for me may include some of the following: walking/hiking (no running), riding my Trek bike, bass fishing (have a boat? you are an automatic heart throb in my life; LOL), riding my Vespa, antique stores. Fall & winter: pottery class, did Ballroom Dancing classes twice, staying at home in evening embroidering, scrapbooking, reading, dining out, wood working (and yes I will share my tools with you if you share yours with me :-) ) I like to try new things & would be happy to try your interests.
Remove the stuff in blue above.
This is good now

Comments above in red

Stuff in BOLD purple are corrections.

Generally you have a pretty good profile here.

charmed59 Post #5 January 10,2012, 8:44am

Life is good.

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Having been widowed at a young age, I really understand your answer to "What is the one thing people don't notice about you." It is very frustrating to try and comfort people you hardly know because just the idea of death of someone younger than themselves is so unsettling. However, my experience is you do only have to mention the word "widow" and those people insta close). So your answer under "additional information" should do the trick.

(And yes, you do want those people to insta-close. Rather than hang up on you on your first phone conversation. Or stare awkwardly at their food on the first meeting, and then poof. There are some people that cannot handle the idea that you could have more than one love of your life.)

There is a widow and widowers group on this site that has quite a few people in your shoes. You might want to wander over there to get more insight.

TWO49 Post #6 January 10,2012, 8:01pm

... is actually dating and not just lurking on eHa

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charmed59 wrote :

There is a widow and widowers group on this site that has quite a few people in your shoes. You might want to wander over there to get more insight.

I would recommend the W/W group too.

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/of...idow-widowers/

D_Lion Post #7 January 11,2012, 5:54pm

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

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My reactions are in blue text. Redhighlight I applied to your text is something which makes me especially likelyto close; green highlight is something which makes me especially inclined towrite.

Keep in mind that a large percentage of matches are abandoned profiles, ornon-paying members, and will not write or reply for that reason.

Matches who view and don't write, or closeyou, are the ones to be more concerned over - especially those who were activeduring a free weekend.

RatsAhoy wrote :

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
I think I can figure out life's answers but when I need that "quiet voice in the back of your mind" have an actual voice, I visit my sister. Her input was, Whatever choice I could make would be "right", but what was I going to be able to live with?

I think this is okay. I would an an example, a "for instance ..." to say something unique about you. Remember, this is your profile.

What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
A man who is happy & enjoys his life now! While he may be searching for a woman to enhance, to share in his loves or interests he doesn't want a friend/spouse to define or control his life. The "true you" needs to be shown so you can find a person that appreciates traits you offer & a relationship can be built upon.

I'm not bothered by the content, but this is very hard to read!

Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I try to see humor, joyful side of people and I relate well to people on this level. I'm a good listener too!

What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I widowed and am "ok". Putting me into their set preconceptions because I'm widowed at a younger age. To some people it's a death sentence for the surviving spouse or a fear for themselves and I end up apologizing or making them feel better about something they didn't even go through.

A bit of a negative sounding answer to have. I think this will turn off some people, although it does not bother me much.

Did you say nine years? I think, with that time, it's best to purge the referances.

What are five things that you "can't live without?"
1. Expressions of love in a healthy relationship.
2. My Faith has a great deal of importance.
3. growing of the soul in society/humanitarian needs
4. Compromise (keeping families a part of our lives)
5. Being outdoors/lakes/yard/garage.Take your pick!

Unusual, unique answers. That's always a plus.

Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
Ted Dekker Circle Series (2nd time reading Black, this time on my Galaxy Tab as an E-Book) The relationships and how the author developed the characters throughout their lives.

I like to see something about why the match favors certain themes in books (or other entertainment.)

Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
After becoming widowed 9 years ago, my life was intertwined with the grieving process and raising 3 children as a single parent. Now that they are older, moving out, becoming their own "adult persons" I have the time and desire to focus on developing relationships. My network of friends, family, church members and business contacts make suggestions , but I like to be proactive thus signing up for Eharmony seemed appropriate at this time of my life.

I'd skip all of this, and rewrite from scratch.

When you think about it, this is mostly pointless, since it is obvious.

I think it okay to mention children moving out, as that speaks to your lifestyle and living situation. In this case, I would look for ways to emphasize the success and attainment of the children.

What are you most passionate about?
Have a passport? My passion is people & in serving needs of those less fortunate. I’ve gone on several short term church missions trips to Dominican Republic & Honduras. These were focused on construction but other projects types are always needed. I’m open to going to Tanzania or Guinea, Africa. Even if you have never done this but thought about it, if you are someone who’s occupation or skills could add to a team presence it would make me very happy to share with you in life changing experiences.

This is a good answer, and good detail in it too.

What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. My outlook. I wake in the morning happy to see what the day holds.
2. Years of friends & family times but glad I still seek new friendships as I get older.
3. My healthly lifestyle & outdoor activities. I'm fit to walk, hike easy mountains or Cades Cove, KY, casual biking, mushroom hunting

Again unique, good.

Number three sounds overweight / unfit. I'd rewrite that, so no (low) limitations are so obviously stated.

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I'm not a couch potato in front of a tv. I do relax in my backyard "man cave" watching my bird feeders get attacked. Leisure time for me can include some of the following: walking/hiking (no running), Riding Trek bike, bass fishing (have a boat? you are an automatic heart throb in my life; lol), riding my Vespa, antique stores. Fall & winter: pottery class, did Ballroom Dancing classes twice, staying at home in evening embroidering, scrapbooking, reading, dinging out, wood working (and yes I will share my tools with you if you share yours with me :-) ) I like to try new things & would be happy to try your interests.

Skip the past-tense.

***

Overall, this is unusal in an appealing way.

Your literacy is dubious. I can usually pick out non-native speakers (as distinct from uneducated), though it is not as clear in this case. I do think you should go over your profile, and pay attention to places where the writing is a bit odd. (This is the perfect time to ask a friend to do it with you.)

I think you will lose some matches due to too much church, and too much charity in parts of the world I wouldn't go - but that's not actually a problem, assuming you don't mind those people screening themselves out.

You definitely sound unfit; I would close for that alone. Take out every single word of limitations.

Goodvibrations Post #8 January 11,2012, 10:24pm

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Instead of adding redundancy to the previous posters, I will just make a couple of comments.

I think the "man cave" comment is clever, and will resonate with guys. I doubt anyone would close you out because of it, and it lets your personality shine through.

I like the quality that you are looking for in a man. Your profile gives me the impression that you are independent and content with your life. You would just like to find a partner to share it with. Wanting a partner that can also stand on his own two feet is a great quality to look for.

Overall, I get the impression that you have great ideas. The language seems a bit straight forward. Would you consider taking another crack at it and using a bit more creativity? It feels like you have an amazing personality. The words just seem to be limiting it getting out there.

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