29/M, Prof Review, Because everyone else is doing it!


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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #51  January 24,2012, 9:45pm
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Don't start with "Naw" - that's a negative and makes others think you really don't care what they think. Don't ask for advice if you don't really want it. That's insulting to the people you ask. It's like "Oh, I'll pretend to want advice, but I really know what's best. I'm just 'standing my ground' against people being mean to me."

My grandmother used to chastise me every time I responded with a "NO" as a starter. It really, really comes off negative and flip.

Maybe you should take a step back, reread what people have posted and consider (again) who your audience is and what your goal for being on eHarmony is. If it's not a LTR you might need to move to a different site.
 
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PG-13 is offline PG-13 Post #52  January 24,2012, 9:57pm
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Nah ), I know my goal... Meet my next girlfriend . I said on another thread, reason why I'm doing EHarmony - a good college friend met his wife and I respect him. My current bunch of friends, there isn't anyone dateable (and as I've found from some matches, friends of real life friends who I'm matched with on EHarmony aren't interested in dating me either) so I'm looking for someone completely outside my current social circle in the same area.

I'd reckon its the same goal as the majority of people on the site, I mean, I'm not dying to get married right away or to make friends, so like I've said before, something right in the middle as far as seriousness, at least at first.

So eyes on the prize...
 
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PG-13 is offline PG-13 Post #53  February 3,2012, 11:40pm
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Also, ever since I took "netflix" off my profile, I haven't gotten instant closed... Woot!
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #54  February 7,2012, 8:49am
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If it were me, I'd make your one thing you are passionate about all about your love of adventure and the outdoors. This will hopefully catch the attention of the women you share this interest with and will feel more focused. Pepper in those great details about where you've been and what you've done. If you're worried about alienating people you could always conclude it by saying that you don't need a partner who is a master outdoor woman, but do want someone who is open to sharing this hobby with you. I know you mentioned that your pictures reflect this hobby but people have no way of knowing if these are one off things that you did once or something more important.

I know you mentioned in another thread you'd prefer a college educated woman so I'd use the influential person to make it clear that you have a college education as well. Is there a professor you could reference?

I'd also remove the thing you wish people would notice about you. To me it made you sound lazy, which I think is exactly what you don't want.

You also might want to consider including a note somewhere about what the profession is that you're trying to pursue and the fact that you are working hard to pursue this and don't see your current path as a long term thing. I have a feeling your job isn't helping you and this might be enough for women that are more open minded.

I also would look at your pictures again. It sounds like you picked things that represented a range of interest, but I would make sure most importantly that they make you look as physically attractive as possible. While it is interesting to see activities in pictures I personally use them more as a gauge of whether there could be chemistry there.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #55  February 13,2012, 12:59am
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PG-13 wrote :
That's pretty right on... when I get to an "exclusive" status and aren't as fearful of being dumped/discarded, then I put my foot down a bit more on things I really care about.
Hope things are going better. Just wanted to add my 10 cents and try to help.

IMHO, if you are trying to cast a wide net by not stating things that are important to you in your profile, that approach will most likely backfire and may be the reason you are getting a lot of closes. As others have stated, women probably think you're too middle of the road and are wish-washy, indecisive, or not serious about finding a mate.

People here have given you really good advice suggesting you be more specific in describing your passions and interests so that you attract someone with whom you might have something in common.

Based on the quoted statement above, were I your date, I'd almost feel as though it were a bait and switch situation where you were comfortable with everything and middle of the road, and then suddenly you switch to showing what things really matter. It would come as a big surprise, and I would probably become annoyed that I had wasted whatever was the amount of time we had been dating when I could have been focusing on someone who was earnestly looking for a partner.

I'd rather know up front if we have something in common - that something in your profile stands out to me. Online dating is not about getting the most dates that you can - at least not eH dating - it's about getting the most dates who have a high probability of being compatible with you. Why would you want to waste your time with women who aren't good matches for you?

Does this make any sense?
 
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PG-13 is offline PG-13 Post #56  February 13,2012, 11:25am
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I guess its that I want to be the one filtering my matches and not EHarmony as much.

I mean, I'd like to tweak my profile towards particular matches that I really like, but I feel like that's "cheating" to some extent. Like I said on my other post/thread, I think I've good enough feedback that I'm getting some real good interest right now, so things have definitely improved for the better.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #57  February 13,2012, 11:42am
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But you are paying EH to send you women who match. If you are too vague, your chances of actually getting someone who lines up with your "secret" feelings/hobbies etc....is pretty low. Right?
 
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Bluskies4ever3 is offline Bluskies4ever3 Post #58  February 15,2012, 6:04pm
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Isn't an inability to cope with any form of "negativity" a type of negativity as well?
 
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