Profile review for 55 female please


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Christine_ is offline Christine_ Post #11  January 1,2012, 7:05am
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It's challenging to offer constructive criticism without coming across as ... well ... critical. But here goes...

Your profile mentions flea markets, antiquing, yard sales, shopping in several places. Though a few men are interested in this, many are not. Presenting it as a major focus of how you want to spend your time together may be limiting. The goal of sharing chores and errands is also not terribly enticing as a primary focus.

While still being true to yourself, it could be a good idea to focus more on fun discoveries and playtime, rather than sharing mundane day-to-day activities. Also recognize that you don't have to share 100% of your activities to have a successful relationship. Your profile may be communicating an expectation that your relationship will leave little space for you each to do your own thing without expecting the other to join in. In your post, you mentioned concern about guys who like golf because you don't, so you may have a real expectation that you two will share 100% of your time and interests. That desire is coming across in your profile. I'd encourage you to rethink that, because many good relationships leave some breathing room for separate interests, and many men are wary of women who don't want to give or receive that space.

This is just my impression... hope it doesn't come across as critical.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #12  January 1,2012, 9:38am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I answer FULL TIME, even though I have shared custody. I'd rather not waste any of my match slots on matches who won't tolerate kids, and I'd rather not date anyone who has the least bit of hesitation about kids. I changed my approach, after wasting time on dates who were "iffy" about the children thing, based on the advice of one of my matches.
This is a oft misunderstood and misinterpreted check box. Unless you have NO children it is probably best to say something about your children in your profile.

With the OP, she has a child much younger than the norm for her age. In your case, unless you are a sole custody parent, you are likely eliminating girls who are going to read your yes and think you are looking for a mommy for a toddler.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #13  January 1,2012, 11:26am
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I think it's always beneficial to mention the approximate ages of your children in your profile, and even more beneficial if their ages fall outside of the local norms. In your case it will weed out guys that don't have patience for step parenting the teen years while bringing in the guys with young teens of their own.

I'm not sure what to tell you about bringing up the death of your longtime boyfriend. As a widow, I highly suggest that be mentioned somewhere in your profile just to weed out the people who cannot deal, as they feel they will be forever second to a late spouse. I'm not sure those type of folks would have the same concern if you weren't married. Though, I'm also sure those wouldn't be the type of people I would have been interested in dating, so maybe you'd like to weed them out anyway.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #14  January 1,2012, 11:53am
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Christine_ wrote :
Your profile mentions flea markets, antiquing, yard sales, shopping in several places. Though a few men are interested in this, many are not.

And the ones who are have two dozen vintage motorcycles in their garage and possibly the living room, each waiting for the missing parts needed to get them in running order ...
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #15  January 1,2012, 1:17pm
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OP,
I loved your profile. It's the first one I've ever read that made me wish that I'd gotten you as a match. Mostly though I'm pretty firmly entrenched in the opposite gender dating sphere. But I did pause a bit to ponder........ Anyway, maybe the reason that I did like it so much is less a positive for you with men. Men might not value the honesty and vulnerability or the strength and forthrightness. Sometimes it's hard to find a balance between honesty and the want to appeal to them. I'd suggest a bit more flirty-ness. Not in an overt or cheap way, but in a more fun-loving and cheerful way. And if you ever decide to give up on men.......just sayin'. Good luck to you.
Last edited by Ephemera; January 1,2012 at 2:26pm. Reason: wonder if I'm questioning? Something new to ponder in 2012.
 
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cbsbo is offline cbsbo Post #16  January 2,2012, 5:59pm
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Hello all,

Wow! Thank you so much for your advice, criticisms and humor. I know it takes time to read and care enough to respond.

I learned a lot from you, including how many interpretations there are of the same words. I have taken much of the advice overall and tightened up my profile, which is at the end of this post, if you are so inclined to re-review. I hope I haven't taken out too much of me.

First, I am not obsessed with camping. I love being outdoors and since I don't golf, ride motorcycles or have a cottage, camping seems to be a good choice. I don't drive around, I have a permanent spot close to my home. I mistakenly thought men that mentioned their motorcycles were obsessed with them. I will no longer close the bikers and the golfers! However, if a match didn't like camping, that would be a problem for me.

Most of you had issue with my to do list. I definitely needed to reword that section. The reality of my background is this: I work hard at work and home and usually have an ongoing project that is fun for me. My old ex snowmobiled for a living (yes, one can actually do that!) and wasn't around much to shop, fix, play, work, etc. My passed boyfriend was very ill for a long time and we didn't really do much together either. So, I just wanted to be sure that I have company and companionship for fun, play and yes, work and chores. That's all. I don't need a man for help, I am not looking to smother... I want a man for companionship. Someone to snuggle with in my cute little camper. I obviously didn't make that clear.

Anyone who would date me would know what the UP is. I almost wrote the Keweenaw, that might surely narrow it down...

I appreciated the wistful comment. Unfortunately, I feel a little wistful these days and I'm not surprised it came out in my profile. I have had several deaths in my close circle in the past two years and I am watching 81 year old dad take care of my 83 year old mom with Alzheimers. I have had some counseling over all of this, but I accept that death is a part of life and I'm not eternally sad. My friends love me, I'm happy, healthy, active, sexy in a cute way and looking for love.

I would think most men in my age group have had losses as well and I want them to know I have that in common with them and that I get it.

Thank you all so much! The one thing EH has showed me is that there are a lot of great guys out there looking for a great woman like me!

Here's the latest version:

The one thing I am most passionate about:
I enjoy time outdoors when the weather is warm. I enjoy boating, camping and some travel around the state.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I am looking for loving companionship. I want a good, sweet man to spend time with, taking care of our lives, discovering new places and spending tender time together. Not a big life, but a good one. I am looking for a life companion to work and play with. I'm fun to spend time with and easy to get along with.

Basic Information
Occupation:
Finance Manager for an elementary school
Age
55
Height
5' 5"
Wants Kids:
No
Kids at Home:
Yes
Ethnicity
White, non-Hispanic
Religion:
Christian
Drinks:
About once a week
Smokes:
Never


The most influential person in my life has been:
I was raised in the military until college and my dad taught me to represent myself well, earn a good reputation and do things for others when I am able to. He also taught me how to take care of my cars! My present boss, a school principal, has taught me you can be strong and strict, yet kind and soft. She knows every person has a unique story and you need to understand theirs as well as your own.

The three things which I am most thankful for:
I am thankful for enough free time to pursue my interests - and yours too!
I am thankful for time spent with friends and family.
I am thankful for the outdoors. Beauty to look at and places to feel peace.

Three of my best life-skills are:
Being a good friend and companion
Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things
Managing my finances

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
I would like people to know sooner that I can be trusted, have good judgment and I have had a wide variety of healthy life experiences to draw upon.

The things I can't live without are:
Coffee-quiet time in the morning
Cell phone to keep information at my fingertips
Good friends that are really family
Family - my daughter, my parents (is that 3?)
My Jeep, if it's not in the shop...

The first thing people notice about me:
Often, people comment that I ask a lot of questions. I try to listen well to people and I want to understand and feel their story. I like to tell short personal stories and I enjoy hearing others as well.

Some additional information I want you to know:
I enjoy camping and I have a nice little camper. It's parked close to where I live, so it's easy to go down to the river for dinner, an evening or a weekend. I have a 14 year with shared custody. Because of that and because I work for a school, I have lots of personal time to share with you!

I typically spend my leisure time:
I spend some of my free time camping and antique hunting. I thrive with time outdoors by the water. I enjoy looking at property for sale. I have family in the northern UP, so a few trips up there each year are fun. I enjoy cooking and working on small home improvement projects. I'm currently spending time getting back in shape after a short lapse.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I read a lot for my job, so most of my outside reading seems to be the "how to do anything better" type. I just read "Money Secrets of the Amish" written by a local author. It's about, well....money secrets of the Amish. How they find contentment with simple needs and hard work. A good lesson for most of us.

My friends describe me as:
Genuine
Caring
Intelligent
Hard Working

Thank you all!
 
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jov27 is offline jov27 Post #17  January 3,2012, 3:04am
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I like it!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #18  January 3,2012, 4:19am
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Much, much better!.... The profile is overall a more pleasant upbeat one...Thereare enough leisure activities listed that are great except for these:antique hunting.. I enjoy looking at property for sale. working on small home improvement projects. I'm currently spending time getting back in shape after a short lapse......Less is more...especially leave out "trying to get in shape"......Good Luck
 
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cbsbo is offline cbsbo Post #19  January 3,2012, 1:57pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Much, much better!.... The profile is overall a more pleasant upbeat one...Thereare enough leisure activities listed that are great except for these:antique hunting.. I enjoy looking at property for sale. working on small home improvement projects. I'm currently spending time getting back in shape after a short lapse......Less is more...especially leave out "trying to get in shape"......Good Luck
Well, I am about 15-20 pounds more than I have been in the recent past, mostly due to taking care of another and not myself. Those pounds show in my photos. I thought it might be helpful for matches to know I am at least working on it and it's going in the right direction. You really think I should leave it out? I didn't actually say trying to get.... but, getting back in shape, if that matters.

I'm not sure why less is more. I thought we should include several things we like to do.... possible connections.

Thank you!
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #20  January 4,2012, 1:05pm
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Overall, I think it is a lovely profile.

I feel as if I get a "sense" of you...even though there aren't many specifics. You might consider some quick specifics regarding food you like/cook/music you like etc.

That said, I thought you lost something with the rewrite of the "most passionate" section. I really really liked the donating to environmental causes and believing in love. I know it's a "list" but it said a bunch about you and added to my sense of who you are.

I also think it doesn't hurt to say (as you did the first time) that you are easy to get along with.

As said above, many profiles are essentially "dead" ones and both your age restrictions/distance restrictions and your own age will have a bearing (most men looking for women younger than themselves) on how many matches you get. Hopefully the ones you do get are right up your alley.

Best-K
 
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