eHarmony Experience, Did it Work?


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moonette is offline moonette Post #11  December 27,2011, 7:50pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
Have you thought of letting your daughter take over your dating profile? and thus set you up on more dates?

That's interesting. Make sure it's you on the phone calls and going on the dates.


PS - Fly me to Hawaii and I'll fix your profiles for you.
Or post your profile and pics here.

shapeShifter, here you are again trying to get a woman to give you a free ride.
 
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boomer_gal is offline boomer_gal Post #12  December 27,2011, 8:17pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
Have you thought of letting your daughter take over your dating profile? It may be a bit embarassing, but perhaps she would be able to explain who you are in a different way and/or pursue guys in a different manner than you ("every contact I have received on that site has been a wink".. I don't hear anything about you taking an active role) and thus set you up on more dates?

I always feel a bit bad when I hear your tale, because you sound like a great catch (albeit in a different age range than me) and I imagine a few small tweaks could change your stars! PS - Fly me to Hawaii and I'll fix your profiles for you.
I'm not sure what you are suggesting. Having my dtr write my profile? In her voice or in mine? I actually have taken a very active role in most ot the dating sites that I have participated in. I have sent many initiating emails on match & initiated frequently on eH bCK IN THE DAY. I've kind of given up on OKC, & I haven't really gotten very good vibes on Our Time, so haven't initiated too much there yet, anyway. I'm sort of taking a break over the holidays. I don't think this is the best time to be pursuing matches. Also, I am kind of burned out/frustrated from so much initiating w/ so little response. The same names/faces keep popping up on match & I am not going to initiate w/ someone who ignored me or turned me down previously.

Your idea about involving my dtr is worthty of consideration. She
is in Canada right now, but I might just talk w/ her about this on her return.

Thanks for saying I sound like a great catch. A year ago, I thought so, too. But I'd be lying if I said that my self esteem hasn't taken a beating w/ this process. I really do think there are just more women than men out there in my age group and also the men have more options in terms of dating younger (& who can blame them, really?), so it's a supply & demand thing. My ego feels better when I think in those terms. Otherwise there's something seriously wrong about me that I am just not identifying.
moonette wrote :
I remember you as being active, and I am too. On Match I ignore a guy's age preferences. Often these guys are looking for someone active. Mainland guys with those age preferences that I've winked at tend to email. Maybe that works in Hawaii too. I got curious, did a search, and there are a lot of active older guys over there.
I'll likely qualify for the 6 months free, too. I am well on my way.
I give you credit for having the ego to ignore the guy's age preferences. I'll try initiating if they are going up to within a couple of years of me, but if the top of their range is much more than 3 years, I figure it's a losing cause & don't bother. Heck, I can't even get guys who say they are interested in women my age to respond. You are right, there are many active older guys on match in Hawaii. I've been matched with lots of them, initiated with many of them. But for whatever reason, and maybe it's NOT age, I just don't know, they aren't looking at my profile & seeing something that is interesting them.


Thank you both for your kind words, & encouragement. It means a lot.
 
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moonette is offline moonette Post #13  December 27,2011, 8:35pm
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When an online guy doesn't get back to me I figure either he's busy (and good for him) and that may change later (too bad, but good for me), or else he got hit by a bus (bummer) and is in a coma (maybe he'll wake up sometime). So until I've met him on a date, that guy is still a possibility.
Just a thought.
 
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boomer_gal is offline boomer_gal Post #14  December 27,2011, 10:30pm
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Oh, you have so much more of a positive attitude than I do! Have you ever had success on a second time trying to initiate? I have actually tried that two times, because the man's profile was especially appealing. Got shot down both times. I even have trouble initiating if I see that the guy viewed my profile, but took no action. I figure if he liked what he saw, he'd have contacted me. Could you please bottle up some of your confidence & send it my way. I'd pay good money - after all, I've paid good money for the dating sites.
 
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boomer_gal is offline boomer_gal Post #15  December 27,2011, 10:33pm
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moonette wrote :
Or post your profile and pics here.

shapeShifter, here you are again trying to get a woman to give you a free ride.
I know you can post non eH profiles for review, but it would seem kind of weird...
 
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eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #16  December 27,2011, 10:49pm
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Boomer, I initiated with the guy I went out with last night (at the urging of some eH Advice members in my profile review). He had looked at my profile a few times but didn't initiate anything. At dinner, he told me he thought I seemed really great in my profile, but thought I wouldn't be interested in him, which is why he didn't initiate. Before, I was of the mindset that if a guy was interested, he'd initiate, but now I'm thinking maybe that was the wrong way of thinking. I suppose guys are just as afraid of rejection as we are. I'd say just keep going for it if a guy sounds interesting, what actual bad things could come out of it?

Another thing to keep in mind is these guys don't actually know YOU. They just know words on a screen and a handful of pictures, which is like 1% of who you actually are, so you shouldn't feel down when they don't respond to you.
 
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MovieTechGuy is offline MovieTechGuy Post #17  December 27,2011, 11:47pm
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Was on from October until my sub ran out yesterday.

Grand total: Zero dates, five closures.

I MAY give eH one more try after I move at the end of January. But I may also start with the free sites first.
 
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moonette is offline moonette Post #18  December 27,2011, 11:55pm
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eharmonyjc wrote :
Another thing to keep in mind is these guys don't actually know YOU. They just know words on a screen and a handful of pictures, which is like 1% of who you actually are, so you shouldn't feel down when they don't respond to you.
BoomerGal ^^^^ this.

I haven't yet got a guy to respond to a second wink if he didn't respond to the first, even tho I'm changing my profile a bit every couple weeks. But he did get hit by that bus, so it might take a while. And I will wink every month while I'm on the site. I probably ought to email.

I did do a first email last week which seemed to surprise the guy. With the holidays, meeting is delayed another week. He's a maybe.

I think of profile views as a search shortcut. The guys were looking for something and hit my profile. If I like their profiles, I wink even if they didn't. This works pretty well.

I find the search function overwhelming. I don't think Match is for me, but I'm gonna play while I'm there. I check in every few days so it's a bit of fun rather than work.

You have confidence, it's there when you write. Find a way to pull it out when you're on the dating sites.
I do that with humor.

Post your profile. We care that it's you, not that it's Match.
 
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paintandbooks is offline paintandbooks Post #19  December 28,2011, 6:17am
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I've done match and eH, and definitely think there is something to eH's process. I much prefer GC, but even taking that out of the equation, there was something to the 29 dimensions... It is slow as molasses between the "really close" matches, though! Match was great for speed, but picking each other based on looks and profiles? No one struck a deep chord. If I ever change my mind (I'm currently choosing non-dating singledom as a lifestyle) I would probably do both again. I've definitely learned a lot in the interim.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #20  December 28,2011, 8:25am
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Worked for me.

I signed up for 3 months, and got introduced to my bf within a couple of weeks. By date 4 or 5 we were exclusive and we are coming up on a year.

All the men I was introduced to and met were age, education, income, and lifestyle appropriate. But what I was explicitly looking for was a "great divorced dad." Great being the word with the most variables.

I went older than I ever have in the past and my bf is 5 years older than I am. I think that made an appreciable difference.
 
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