Bethiegirl is offline Bethiegirl Post #1  December 26,2011, 8:32am
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Edited to show the changes that I'm making:
Blue indicates re-wording and additions
Red indicates info that I omitted in the edited version

I'm getting good matches for the most part, I'm sending Icebreakers, and I'm initiating GC with lots of guys. So far, I've gotten almost no responses. I did get through first first few stages of GC with three guys, but then they quit responding...they didn't close the match, and they are still active, but they simply haven't taken the communication any further.

I'm wondering if there is something in my profile that is really scaring guys away. Help! I really do want to know how to improve my profile. By the way, I have an album on here with some more of my profile pictures, so you can comment on those too. I tried my best to pick realistic pictures, even if they aren't always my favorites.

So, here is my profile content:

The one thing I am most passionate about:
I'm passionate about music, history, faith, and my family...not necessarily in that order. Faith in God is what makes me who I am. Music is a way to express my creativity. One of my favorite things to do is sit down at the piano and improvise on hymns and praise choruses...it's such a wonderful way to worship God, and I'm grateful for the talent that He has given me. I was a church pianist for 10 years, and now consider teaching to be my main ministry. History is just interesting, especially if it involves the American Civil War, WWII, or ancient history. My family is my best support system on this earth, and they are my best friends.


The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I know this sounds cliche, but I really just want to fall in love with a guy who already loves God more than he could ever possibly love me! This guy should also be dependable and mature. Also, I've saved myself for marriage, and my special guy should be committed to that as well. As far as distance goes, it would be most convenient (obviously) to meet someone who lives nearby, but I'm not opposed to communicating with someone farther away if we seem to be a really good match. OMITTED "By the way, if you think I look interesting, go ahead and contact me...don't wait for me to contact you!"

The most influential person in my life has been:
Hmm...tough one. There have been a lot of influential people in my life. I guess one of the most influential was a teacher I had in college. She encouraged me, cried with me, laughed with me, and pushed me to go beyond what I thought possible. Even when I was in grad school and she was no longer my teacher, she helped me study for my comprehensive exams by quizzing me on several centuries worth of music history. When I finished grad school, she recommended me for a job...and now we are co-workers! I'm proud to call her my friend, and I wouldn't be where I am today without her influence.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

1) These are the obvious ones: faith, family, friends, and my job. Who WOULDN'T be thankful for those?
2) I'm thankful for my students. Yes, they take a lot of time and work, but they are so encouraging too!
3) I'm thankful for all the little things that make life easier...like indoor plumbing, electricity, fast food, and wireless internet!

Three of my best life-skills are:

1) Raising and/or caring for children
2) Being a good friend and companion
3) Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
I wish people would notice that I actually can be a lot of fun to be around! I've been told that I sometimes come across as aloof and intimidating, so I'm working to change that. I'm also a very relaxed, laid-back person, and I don't get upset by too much. I know that's not the stereotypical "musician type," but perhaps that is why I choose to be a teacher, not a performer! If you are familiar with the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, I usually come up as ISFJ (though once in a while the test will show INTJ...must depend on my mood!)

The things I can't live without are:
Faith in God
Family
Friends
Music
My computer!

The first thing people notice about me:
They probably notice that I'm very quiet in new social settings, but once I warm up, I can really be outgoing! The situation might just need to be "sized up" before I commit to it completely. ;-)

Some additional information I want you to know:
Some things that make me smile: good music, church services, chocolate cake, hikes through the woods, my funny cats, friends who care, board games, family time, my students, cards with sentimental messages, honesty, Kraft caramels, opportunities to help someone, and good conversation. *** Some things that make me frown: dishonesty, tornadoes, turnip greens, unhappy people, frustrating technology, and out of tune pianos. *** Couple tidbits of info: I was homeschooled, and I currently attend a Southern Baptist church (but I'm open to dating guys from other denominations with similar doctrines!) Omitted: "and even though I wear contacts most of the time, my glasses make me look smarter!"

I typically spend my leisure time:
I enjoy spending time with friends and family. I also read a lot of books (mysteries, historical fiction, fantasy). I can be anyone and go anywhere within the pages of a book. I also enjoy taking hikes through the woods. There is something especially relaxing about walking on a rough path through dense forests, and finding special little places that are unusually beautiful or peaceful. If I had the right equipment and training, I think I would also enjoy photography a lot...as it is, I do the best I can with my cheap camera or cell phone camera. I also enjoy going to antique stores...it's neat to see items that were used many years ago!

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I've read so many books recently that it would be impossible to list my favorites! One that perhaps stands out above the others is a novel called "Plague Maker." It was a thriller/mystery with some history thrown in too. In the non-fiction category, I read a book called "Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges about a year ago. It was extremely good, and very convicting. It forced me to view a lot of my own worries from a vastly different perspective. There were a few spots where I had to put the book down and spend some time in serious prayer before continuing to read the rest of the book.

My friends describe me as:
Dependable
Genuine
Quiet
Intelligent

Last edited by Bethiegirl; December 27,2011 at 6:30pm. Reason: to make changes!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  December 26,2011, 12:00pm
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Your profile and pics are very nice. It's obvious you want a religious guy...and you'll find like-minded ones in your area. Expand more on your music and other interestes and activities.. The part about not contacting the men sounds a little stuck-up...just leave it out. With some rewording this is a good profile...Good Luck
 
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Bethiegirl is offline Bethiegirl Post #3  December 26,2011, 4:11pm
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Thanks! I'll work on the wording. After re-reading it, I definitely agree that the part about not contacting the men does sound stuck-up. That's not what I was intending. "Approachability" is what I was going for! As for expanding on music and other activities...I'll try, but the character limit makes it hard to really say all that I would like to say! Perhaps I can find something to leave out so that I can focus on fewer things in greater detail.

Keep the suggestions coming! I need all the help I can get!
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #4  December 26,2011, 6:30pm
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Great profile! It's really well written. You're an interesting person with lots to offer a match.

Agree with Wiseman. Would also delete the sentence about contacts/glasses under Additional Info. Unless you're planning to show up to your first date with coke-bottle glasses, it's completely unnecessary.

Great photos too. Was going to suggest using the final one as your profile picture until I saw the date on it (and it looks like a web cam shot). Maybe use the next to last one since it's more recent. Personally, would recommend deleting the final one since it's over two years old, and you've clearly changed. Either way, you'll be fine.

I would send Guided Communication questions, rather than Ice Breakers. Best of luck with your search! Things will probably pick up after the holidays.
 
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Bethiegirl is offline Bethiegirl Post #5  December 26,2011, 6:45pm
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Thanks! I actually am already using the next to last picture as my profile picture. Yes, that last one is a web cam shot, but I included it because it's the only picture I have that shows me in my office. I'll consider deleting it, though! Anything to make improvements!

I'm not planning to show up to any date with coke bottle glasses...though I might show up to a date with cute little blue-frame glasses! Would posting a picture of me in glasses work as a better substitute for that sentence?
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #6  December 26,2011, 6:55pm
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Bethiegirl wrote :
Thanks! I actually am already using the next to last picture as my profile picture. Yes, that last one is a web cam shot, but I included it because it's the only picture I have that shows me in my office. I'll consider deleting it, though! Anything to make improvements!

I'm not planning to show up to any date with coke bottle glasses...though I might show up to a date with cute little blue-frame glasses! Would posting a picture of me in glasses work as a better substitute for that sentence?
Unless you are planning to do so on your first date, I wouldn't. How about your avatar picture here? That's pretty cute. I didn't see it among your selection of photos. Why?
 
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Bethiegirl is offline Bethiegirl Post #7  December 26,2011, 7:07pm
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emma_hazards wrote :
Unless you are planning to do so on your first date, I wouldn't. How about your avatar picture here? That's pretty cute. I didn't see it among your selection of photos. Why?
My avatar (well, a larger version) is one of my profile pics...I guess I forgot to include it in the album! Oops!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #8  December 26,2011, 10:38pm
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The religion reference will scare some men off.

You did the right thing in your profile but only mentioning religion once other than the lists but the way you said it will scare men off

paraphasing..."You want someone who loves god more than he loves you" Sounds like you want a man of the cloth...

This is going to scare A LOT of men off. Women tend to be more religious than men.

I would change the statement to something that you want someone who values religion.

Also..what if he is not baptist...but catholic or methodist? How would you react to that?
 
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Bethiegirl is offline Bethiegirl Post #9  December 27,2011, 6:22am
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ami1uwant wrote :
The religion reference will scare some men off.

You did the right thing in your profile but only mentioning religion once other than the lists but the way you said it will scare men off

paraphasing..."You want someone who loves god more than he loves you" Sounds like you want a man of the cloth...

This is going to scare A LOT of men off. Women tend to be more religious than men.

I would change the statement to something that you want someone who values religion.

Also..what if he is not baptist...but catholic or methodist? How would you react to that?
I know that I might scare off less-religious men, but that's OK. I suppose I could tweak the wording to make it less blunt, but it is extremely important to me that he be a very strong Christian who shares my passion and love for Christ...and if he's the right person for me, he'll feel the same way about the girl he's looking for. And yes, that REALLY narrows the playing field! So far, the majority of the matches that I'm receiving (and I've gotten 6-7 every day for about a month) have some very similar language in their profiles, so apparently there are guys who feel this way. Oh yeah, and I do get quite a few matches who are pastors...no problems there!

You do make a good point about my saying that I'm Baptist, though. Maybe I need to include something about how I'm willing to date outside of the Baptist church! I set my match settings so that eHarmony only sends me matches who 1) claim to be Christian, and 2) who are specific denominations. I could probably add another denomination or so to my list, but there are some major differences in doctrine between some of the denominations, and those differences could quite possibly be dealbreakers.

Thanks for the suggestions!
 
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Rise is offline Rise Post #10  December 27,2011, 5:30pm
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As Ami is not a believer, he would not be aware that any committed follower of Christ is suppose to love God more than anything else in this world. Anything less is a form of idolotry.
So it is a perfectly fine requirement for a Christian woman to put in their profile. I see tons of women with that in their description of who they are looking for, and it doesn't scare me away because I understand the significance of what they are asking for.
Any man who loves his wife more than he loves God is not a solid foundation for being the spiritual leader of a family, because that then means there is something in this world he would abandon God for in order to pursue.
Any guy who doesn't know enough about walking with God to know that, and thus is scared away, obviously wasn't what you were looking for anyway was he?
 
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