Closing Matches Based on Must Haves & Can't Stands


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ThisUserName is offline ThisUserName Post #41  December 29,2011, 7:57am
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I feel that some of the cannot stands corner you. I have the overweight one strictly because it was the 10th most annoying thing. I am pretty lean. I do triathlons. I don't need a gym freak, or even someone who goes to one, but a couch potato and I won't match. Physical is what attracts, emotional is what keeps it going.
 
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paintandbooks is offline paintandbooks Post #42  December 29,2011, 9:34am
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I found the whole concept hilarious the first time I read the choices. Laughed so hard I couldn't talk - like hygiene. Hygiene? You mean there are people who WANT to date smelly, dirty, unbathed people with rotting teeth? You mean I need to speak up if I'd like my match to even be clean when we meet??? I still can't read much into this part of the process, given the choices and wide latitudes in interpretation...
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #43  December 29,2011, 11:17am
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DancingFool wrote :
OK, I'm going to have a little fun with this. This is purely to illustrate to you just how wild of presumptions people can leap to and some of these I have seen written by other posters in similar threads.
That was a lot of fun reading it.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #44  January 1,2012, 1:33pm
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SweetKisses wrote :
"I must have a partner who is considered 'very attractive' by most current standards"
"I can't stand someone who is overweight"
I found that quite a few women listed these, too. It was ironic to me that they would be communicating with me when my pictures clearly showed that I somewhat overweight and fairly average (I think, anyway) in the looks department. At first it bothered me, but I eventually realized that if they were choosing to talk to me, they were clearly interested, and that was good enough for me. Perhaps some of them just had very liberal standards for what they considered to be "very attractive" and not "overweight".

SweetKisses wrote :
"I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis"
This one, on the other hand, I used frequently, and considered it a plus when my matches also used it. Very few women ever closed me upon seeing my MH/CS, and I'm convinced that those few were exactly the ones I was wanting to weed out by including the sex-related items.
 
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tatertot2003 is offline tatertot2003 Post #45  January 2,2012, 12:39pm
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Trust me SweetKisses, if your last three relationships couldn't keep up with you in the bedroom, you'd start listing "I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis" to your CS too!
 
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SweetKisses is offline SweetKisses Post #46  January 3,2012, 12:35pm
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tatertot2003 wrote :
Trust me SweetKisses, if your last three relationships couldn't keep up with you in the bedroom, you'd start listing "I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis" to your CS too!
Fair enough. You all should be happy to know that I have not closed anyone based on their Must Haves & Can't Stands since I posted this thread.
 
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PG-13 is offline PG-13 Post #47  January 6,2012, 12:21am
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The one can't stand that always gives me pause is when people don't have racist. I've called some matches out on it during the "3 questions" and I've been closed a few times. My thought... "ha, found you out, racist!"

The other one is when people have cynical over things like intolerant or unfaithful... So people can be closed minded whores but if they are snarky and cynical, too much!
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #48  January 6,2012, 8:06pm
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PG-13 wrote :
The one can't stand that always gives me pause is when people don't have racist. I've called some matches out on it during the "3 questions" and I've been closed a few times. My thought... "ha, found you out, racist!"

The other one is when people have cynical over things like intolerant or unfaithful... So people can be closed minded whores but if they are snarky and cynical, too much!
Uhhhh...have you seriously called someone out on this in the three questions? I wouldn't assume that just because they didn't list it they are automatically racist. The fact of the matter is that most of these things will be important to most people and they are hard to prioritize making the whole step a bit of a waste in my book.

Honestly, I don't think I ever really paid attention to peoples MH/CS because it is WAY too easy to read into them as every thread on this topic has shown. If anything, as others have said, they seem to be a reflection less of what is important to someone as what has not worked in past relationships.
 
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PG-13 is offline PG-13 Post #49  January 6,2012, 8:32pm
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Yeah, I call out people who dont have racist as a CS in the 3 ?s. I also call out people if they have overweight as a CS (they can see my pics, why not just say - lose some weight fatty). Its not like I ask in my personal 3 ?s "how fat do you weigh" or something like that, if I don't find people attractive that way, I just dont communicate.

And in general, I only question MH/CSs if the match is kinda questionable/iffy to begin with - something in the profile or 5 ?s that puts up a yellow flag. I'm all about keeping an open mind and not dismissing people for putting something unintentionally off putting...

On the other hand, I do have "sense of humor" as a must have. If I call out someone for a dumb "cant stand", then they are A) racist (or shallow or whatever) or B) are too serious and lack a sense of humor.
Its pretty easy to respond "thats important too, but there are only 10 answers" which is the response I'm looking for.

Just weeding techniques, thats all. So easy a PG-13 can do it
 
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jlpSLP83 is offline jlpSLP83 Post #50  January 7,2012, 6:15am
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PG-13 wrote :
Yeah, I call out people who dont have racist as a CS in the 3 ?s. I also call out people if they have overweight as a CS (they can see my pics, why not just say - lose some weight fatty). Its not like I ask in my personal 3 ?s "how fat do you weigh" or something like that, if I don't find people attractive that way, I just dont communicate.

And in general, I only question MH/CSs if the match is kinda questionable/iffy to begin with - something in the profile or 5 ?s that puts up a yellow flag. I'm all about keeping an open mind and not dismissing people for putting something unintentionally off putting...

On the other hand, I do have "sense of humor" as a must have. If I call out someone for a dumb "cant stand", then they are A) racist (or shallow or whatever) or B) are too serious and lack a sense of humor.
Its pretty easy to respond "thats important too, but there are only 10 answers" which is the response I'm looking for.

Just weeding techniques, thats all. So easy a PG-13 can do it
Oh my...I don't have "racist" listed as a CS, but I am by NO means racist. If you called me out on that in the 3 questions, I would close you out so fast you'd feel the breeze. I'm noticing from your other posts that you are big into the "sense of humor" thing. So am I, but you have to be careful with this. Just like the MH/CS are open to many interpretations, so are the "jokes" that you make. It is so hard to tell the nuances of jokes and teasing online without the benefit of tone of voice, facial expression, etc., so in my opinion its best to be cautious in this area.
 
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