Is my eHarmony experience normal, or am I expecting too much?


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eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #1  December 14,2011, 3:23pm
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The other "eHarmony sucks" threads got me thinking... maybe I'm expecting too much from it? What do you all think?

I tried joining eHarmony back in 2008 and after taking the evaluation, I was told that they did not have anybody in their database that was compatible with me. I lived in a city of 3 million people at the time, so needless to say I was pretty sour on eHarmony after that. I never had an issue getting dates or finding people to date on other sites in the same city. Fast forward to this summer, have moved back to the West Coast to finish school, and a friend of mine just had her first baby with her husband, who she met on eHarmony. I thought why not give it a try again. I did a lot of "personal growth" since 2008 so maybe they would have someone for me. Since my email address was still tied to my old evaluation, I used a new email address and re-did the entire evaluation all over again. I realize now this was a violation of the TOS or whatever, but didn't know I could call to have my account reset.

So anyhoo, I was "accepted" this time, created my profile etc etc. One of the first people I was matched with was a guy I knew 10 years ago back in college. I remember him being a fun guy, but we were both so young back then. So I requested OC with him, we started emailing back and forth, and decided to meet. He lived about an hour away but we met up a few more times but then it fizzled after that, something about "ex drama" (aka he wasn't feeling it with me). So back to the search I went. I made it to OC with another guy, and we exchanged phone numbers. We made plans to meet up twice, but each time he cancelled on me last minute saying something else came up. So, I gave up on him. Next guy I made to OC with, turns out he had a 13 and 14 year old daughter that he had made no mention of in his profile. I wasn't feeling it that much w/ him anyway, but that sealed the deal. Not interested in being a step-parent to teenage girls, and I got the feeling he was a pretty dis-interested father. He lived an hour away also. There was one other I made it all the way through GC with, but then he never started OC. He was over an hour away. There were 3 others that initiated GC with me but it stopped somewhere along the steps, either I stopped or they stopped, due to compatibility issues based on the answers.

So, 4, almost 5, months of being on eHarmony has netted me 1 date, 2 OCs and phone number swaps but no date, and 3 GCs that ended. Average less than 1 profile view per day. Do these numbers sound normal? I'm not a loser, I have a good job and I go to school also, I'm not ugly or extremely overweight, I like to think I'm funny. I have lots of friends IRL, no enemies. I have good results in terms of number of dates/interactions on other dating websites, so what gives? I like to think it's just my area and lack of users, but sometimes I wonder if it's me...the rejection back in 2008 makes me wonder if I just don't have that many people I'm truly compatible with. I am currently seeing someone I met on a different site but I'm not quite sure where it's going yet.
 
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moonette is offline moonette Post #2  December 14,2011, 4:50pm
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I think how well you do on eH depends on how many people there are that match you in the database for your area. And how well you choose among the profiles.

I liked the guys I met thru eH, and I liked the process.

I have the dual challenge that I live hours from metro areas and I apparently have a rare personality (1% according to Myers-Briggs). I got 7 matches a day the first month, 3 a day the second month and 7 a week the third month. My settings were loose, with distance at 300 miles.

I'd do views early in the morning, close those that were a no by photo or dealbreaker, and get viewed by some the others usually later that day. Later, I learned to send first questions when I viewed, not to close profiles with no photos or incomplete sections or profiles with the word 'honest'.

The guys had to be willing to meet in the middle and consider an LDR for 6 months. My shortest drive was 1 1/2 hours.

I found most of the guys lagged at some point in the process, either GC, OC or wanting to wait longer than 2 weeks to meet. I met all the guys I started GC with. I didn't meet any of the guys I agreed to go straight to email with. And I learned not to stretch the meeting beyond 3 weeks from the phone call.

While all the guys were nice and we did seem to mesh on values and interests while talking, none of them shared my sense of adventure. Apparently it either doesn't fit my MB or eH tests, or I was closing the adventurous guys' profiles.

I''ve been on Match for a bit and I'm meeting the same types of guys as eH, nice tho not as adventurous. So I've changed my profile and I'm checking out the guys I think are a bit too adventurous.

If I come back to eH in the spring, I'll retake the test and redo the profile.

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Possibly2Honest is offline Possibly2Honest Post #3  December 14,2011, 5:02pm
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eharmonyjc wrote :
I tried joining eHarmony back in 2008 and after taking the evaluation, I was told that they did not have anybody in their database that was compatible with me.

So, 4, almost 5, months of being on eHarmony has netted me 1 date, 2 OCs and phone number swaps but no date, and 3 GCs that ended. Average less than 1 profile view per day. Do these numbers sound normal?
Those two things do sound VERY odd to me!

I'm fairly new here and none of my communications have lead to a real-world date yet, but I've been here far less time and I think I've had quite a bit more communication than you have.

I have no suggestions on what the problem could be.
 
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SingleFLMom is offline SingleFLMom Post #4  December 14,2011, 6:21pm
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Have you posted your profile for review on here yet???
 
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Faraday is online now Faraday Post #5  December 14,2011, 7:20pm
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I read somewhere that being rejected means that they found too many indicators of depression in answers. I don't know if it's true or maybe you were down in 2008 or maybe it's something else...but it's a thought. I don't think you should even think about it now. It's done.

If you're only getting one view a day, I would consider it a lack of paying members, not a deficiency in your profile. I get 7-10 matches a day and usually 5-7 views and 1-2 initiating communication a day (but 90% of them I close )....because it's all numbers, right? I would stick with Match or whatever site is working for you. There might not be the eH database in your age range where you are.

I hope things work out with your current guy though
 
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eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #6  December 14,2011, 9:17pm
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SingleFLMom wrote :
Have you posted your profile for review on here yet???
Yes ma'am, I did awhile back. I made some changes based on the suggestions here, but it doesn't do much good when hardly anyone is even looking at my profile!
 
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eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #7  December 14,2011, 9:22pm
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Faraday wrote :
I read somewhere that being rejected means that they found too many indicators of depression in answers. I don't know if it's true or maybe you were down in 2008 or maybe it's something else...but it's a thought. I don't think you should even think about it now. It's done.

If you're only getting one view a day, I would consider it a lack of paying members, not a deficiency in your profile. I get 7-10 matches a day and usually 5-7 views and 1-2 initiating communication a day (but 90% of them I close )....because it's all numbers, right? I would stick with Match or whatever site is working for you. There might not be the eH database in your age range where you are.

I hope things work out with your current guy though
2008 was kind of the worst year ever for me, was having a lot of issues w/ my work life, so maybe my answers were not on the happy side. Who knows I'm guessing now it is just a lack of paying members. I always re-look at the profiles of the guys who looked but didn't contact me and most of them didn't pique my interest anyway. Oh well, I just wish I knew more about how it worked before I shelled out the money!
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #8  December 15,2011, 5:12am
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what you describe for 4 or 5 months I could achieve in substantially less time and with a poor photo and a profile that undersold me.

If you aren't getting many people viewing you, then it points to a poor number of members in your area.

If you get a lot more action when it's a free communication period it points to an possible issue with your photo as during those periods people who are using it for free can't judge you on your photo.
 
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eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #9  December 15,2011, 8:45am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
what you describe for 4 or 5 months I could achieve in substantially less time and with a poor photo and a profile that undersold me.

If you aren't getting many people viewing you, then it points to a poor number of members in your area.

If you get a lot more action when it's a free communication period it points to an possible issue with your photo as during those periods people who are using it for free can't judge you on your photo.
Thanks Steve. I didn't get much more action over the last FCW which I think was Labor Day? It's definitely not the photo. I hate to sound conceited but I'm not an ugly girl The main photo I use is one a friend took of me at a party, it's pretty close up waist-up shot where I'm directly facing the camera and not wearing sunglasses or anything like that. No drink in hand My other photos consist of 2 body shots in outdoor settings from vacations/day trips, and 1 or 2 other shots that are closer up.

Oh well, I guess eharmony just isn't for me as long as I'm living around here!
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #10  December 15,2011, 8:57am
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Have you tried 'match'? I saw activity on there when I last used it.

I can not say I'd recommend it because it was more like a meat market but I would recommend it, if you have little success on EH. When I used it, I only signed up for 1 month to initially "test" it before taking out a longer subscription.
 
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