eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #11  November 18,2011, 11:37am
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A few things I noticed, aside from the God thing;

1) There are a number of typos, missing words, letters etc. I would be sure to carefully proof read it otherwise it looks like you didn't take it seriously and just answered everything quickly just to get on with it.

2) You come off kind of abrasive/abrupt. Some examples:

-"I don't want y to give me your part unless I say so." This sounds really really bossy. You could say something like "I enjoy picking up the tab sometimes, it makes me happy to feel like I'm part of an equal partnership" or something like that.

-"Someone not afraid of a woman with kids." This just sounds negative. "Someone who is open to dating a woman with children" or "Someone who doesn't mind I have 2 small children".

-"I come with two kids, so if you can't help very young kids, please leave me alone." As others have mentioned, this phrasing sounds very negative. Also, you've already mentioned your kids two other times in your profile in very obvious places, so I'm not even sure you need to go there again here. Or if you want to put it here, remove it from the other places. Trust me, if a guy doesn't want to date a woman with children, and you obviously mentioned it in your profile at least once and in the "children at home" question, he's not going to contact you.

3) A lot of your profile reads a little like a late night infomercial. I try to read these profile reviews without thinking about gender, so while I'm not your target audience (ie a man) the first thing I thought of was "wow is this person going to try to sell me on something on a first date?" A few examples:

-"The ability to impact so many lives with the opportunity to become financially free." I would just say "The ability to make a positive impact in so many people's lives" or something along those lines. The 'financially free' thing gets very repetitive, and sounds like one of those MLM or pyramid marketing scheme programs.

-"Organo Gold Coffee (get paid from drinking it)" I don't know the "get paid from drinking it" part bothers me. Why not just put coffee? Do you even like coffee? Or do you just drink it cause you get paid? Remember you are here to advertise YOU and who YOU are as a person, not your job/business or anything else.

-"very passionate about my business and helping others realize their dreams can reality! Too many people have stopped dreaming because they have been taught not to. There is nothing stopping you from reaching your dreams but yourself!" You already mentioned this part in your "passionate about" section, there's no need to have it here too. Again, it's bordering on informercially.

I don't see any problem with your book choices. If you're into self-help books, then that's what you're into, no point in leaving that out or lying about it. I would think an ideal match for you would also be into self-improvement as well. Just be aware that some people might view it as a negative. But those people probably aren't the right person for you anyway.

I would just focus on trying to make your profile sound more positive and more conversational in tone. I was intrigued when you mentioned you were deployed in Iraq. Maybe that's something you can elaborate a bit more on in the "additional info" section. This section is to write more about YOU, not reiterate what you've already written in other sections, which is what you did here.

Oh, and I might have some disagreement on this, but don't call your kids angels. Just saying "my two little girls" or whatever is better. "Angels" makes it sound like you think that they are perfect and never do anything wrong, and we all know that no kids are like that. It's been my experience that folks who call their kids "angels" and "princesses" etc have hellion children. Now, yours may not be like that at all, but it's all about how things are perceived in text.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #12  November 18,2011, 5:34pm
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I agree with jc's pbservations above.


On the god thing....


If religion is THAT BIG in your life...all great for you but it WILL scare off potential matches. EHarmony is not a christian datings site (one such does exist that you can use).

Saying god/faith once is fine...but when you repeat it it comes off as you are a bible thumper who cant think for themselves.

When you put God as number 1 among the top 5 things says your are a religious nutcase.

On dating sites the fact is people are looking for excuses NOT to date you based on the impressions you send them based on what you say and how you write.

You need to do a good edit of your writing style because the errors make you come off as an idiot.

Your writing style make you come off as very abrassive of "its my way or the highway, so go ____ yourself"
 
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