Eharm matching me with women with kids and my settings say no kids?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
face72 is offline face72 Post #1  November 16,2011, 6:17am
face72's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Nov 2011

Posts: 2

See profile

Last week I was getting no matches so I set the setting to match me with women who have kids..for a day to see what I would get. I changed my mind...so I put it back to the no kids setting. All I get now is single moms for the last week???? So I called eharmony and they gave me this BS answer of "Well you chose the option of "WILL YOU ACCEPT CHILDREN LIVING AT HOME FULL TIME" and you chose "NO" But that doesnt mean that kids couldnt live there "PART-time". They also wouldnt reset my account because I had them do it a few months back from the lack of matches I was getting. I've been a member for 2 years and I have never seen anything like this? This site keeps getting worse and worse. I find this double talk completely bs and Im thinking of leaving eharmony after two years. Has anyone had this problem? Any advice out there?Chad
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  November 16,2011, 6:33am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,322

See profile

You're tweaking it too death. There's a lag time that you need to take in account... also... why tweak up a deal-breaker as an experiment then blame eH when the lag time catches up with it?
After two years... Get up a good profile set things (and keep them there for a while) as you want them.

The impatient rapid-fire tweaking / untweaking is not going to improve the matches...particularly... if you can't decide what you want...within the same day.
There are other ways to improve matches with various settings...Good Luck....
face72 wrote :
Last week I was getting no matches so I set the setting to match me with women who have kids..for a day to see what I would get. I changed my mind...so I put it back to the no kids setting. All I get now is single moms for the last week?
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  November 16,2011, 7:37am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

I don't know what your age is but if the "72" in your screen name is the year you were born then odds are that the women you meet are going to have children.

There is no setting to either select no children or select matches with no children. The question is are the children under 18 and live full time in your home. Generally there is some sort of shared custody or for older children they may be away at college for a good portion of the year. Therefore your matches would be correct to have answered No to this question yet would still have children.
 
  Reply With Quote
shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #4  November 16,2011, 7:45am
shapeShifter7…'s Avatar

likes dancing!

Board Leader: Health & Wellness

Joined: Apr 2011

CA

Posts: 2,499

See profile

Those parents would love to exclude you. It's a limitation of eHarmony that's been commented on over and over that they only ask, "Do you have your kids full-time?"

Members have requested a change over and over but they won't budge. God knows why. Not enough competition in eHarmony's niche market?
Last edited by shapeShifter79; November 16,2011 at 7:51am.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  November 16,2011, 10:37am
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

Stop changing your setting so often. The system has to catch up with your new requests and adjust things. Give it at least three days before you make any other changes.

Please, also realize that the "full-time" wording does make it harder for people who split custody to list this in their profile. I think adding in "full-time", "part-time", etc, would definitely help in this area.

Just close the matches of women who state they have children in their profile and you're good to go.
 
  Reply With Quote
face72 is offline face72 Post #6  November 16,2011, 12:03pm
face72's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Nov 2011

Posts: 2

See profile

....I guess Ill have to give it a little more time to change? I never really change the settings. Just that one time. I just wasnt getting any matches anymore, so I thought I would tweek the settings a little. That was a bad idea I guess? I only get 7 matches at the most on a good day. I don't want those 7 opportunities for potential dates filled up with single moms? and thats on a GOOD day. Most days its girls with no pictures at all. Those 7 spots could be my future girlfriend. Nope...I have to delete 7 single moms every day. Why am I paying for this service? Its like hiring a guide in Africa to show you lions.....and he takes you to the pound and shows you pregnant house cats?
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  November 16,2011, 3:36pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

Seven matches a day is a high average. Some people only get one or two. Some only one or two a week or month. Your settings will affect who you are matched with.

Based on your OP and your response I wonder if you have your setting set the right way for you to receive the matches you want. That, and you seem to have an expectation that eH is some wonder-site that will deliver exactly what you order. Unfortunately, eHarmony can only match you with those who have also joined the service and are also looking for someone like you. Your settings need to match then and their settings need to match you. And then there are flex-matches, but that's another thing altogether and we won't touch that yet.

Do you have a wide search area geographically? Are you age settings appropriate and does it give leeway for birthdays? Do you have the height setting set to Very Important? If so, make it Not Important, this will help. Religious settings... very strict or loose? Ethnicity settings... very strict or loose? Drinking? Smoking? Make sure you have those exactly as you want them and stick to them.

Keep your Wants Children settings the same (as a NO) and be sure to make the other settings in this area a NO as well.

Once you have everything set then leave it alone for a while. You will see the changes happen.
 
  Reply With Quote
Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #8  November 16,2011, 4:38pm
Ingytravel's Avatar

Naps are one of life's great joys:)

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 8,164

See profile

face72 wrote :
....I guess Ill have to give it a little more time to change? I never really change the settings. Just that one time. I just wasnt getting any matches anymore, so I thought I would tweek the settings a little. That was a bad idea I guess? I only get 7 matches at the most on a good day. I don't want those 7 opportunities for potential dates filled up with single moms? and thats on a GOOD day. Most days its girls with no pictures at all. Those 7 spots could be my future girlfriend. Nope...I have to delete 7 single moms every day. Why am I paying for this service? Its like hiring a guide in Africa to show you lions.....and he takes you to the pound and shows you pregnant house cats?
I certainly hope you aren't using EH as your only source to meet a woman!

Online dating should just be one EXTRA way to meet women. Keep up the lookout as you would in your regular daily life and learn how to talk to and meet women that way as well.

For many years before the internet...people actually met one another and got married! I know...shocking! LOL
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #9  November 16,2011, 8:05pm
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,918

See profile

I understand that right now you are outraged to be matched with women with children, since you changed your settings recently.

What strikes me is your lack of success in two years. Two years is thousands of matches on eHarmony, and countless encounters with women in your real life. I would suggest a serious look at your criteria and expectations, the way you interact with women in general, how you are meeting women, etc. To me, your frustration and anger at eH seem a little misplaced.

Best of luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« what would scare/concern you about a match's profile? | Using eHarmony | requesting profile review - 27/m »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Why Successful Women Can't Find a Great Man eharmonyadvice Ask a Dating Expert 630 August 16,2011 9:01pm
Dateless?? Women can handle this much better than men! Ladyjuju Dating 103 January 17,2011 8:37am
oldermenyounger women watsupwitdat Ask a Dating Expert 54 April 29,2010 2:36pm
Dating and Getting older when you're a man trixie1868 Dating 70 January 26,2010 9:25am
Women in late 30's/early 40's who say they want kids Mayne About You 71 November 24,2009 2:10pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:11pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0